tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73565096596101358212024-02-21T18:08:54.472+00:00No ComplicationsOur purpose is to amuse, simply to amuse. Nothing serious, nothing political.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger251125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-76933301356409095352017-11-23T17:15:00.000+00:002017-11-23T17:15:00.763+00:00No Complications<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-25263553797007202482017-11-10T00:23:00.000+00:002017-11-27T20:04:35.273+00:00Introduction by Alan Moore (Obviously, it's not *really* by Alan Moore, but you can't blame a guy for trying.)<b>ALAN MOORE:<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">1</span></span></b> Hello everybody, Alan Moore here.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span> <br />
<br />
I've got to say something to Sian or something? "Ecanotma" was it? <br />
<br />
Right.<br />
<br />
<b>Al:</b> ECANOTMA<br />
<br />
<b>BIG AL:</b> SAYS SO <br />
<br />
<b>Al:</b> Cheers, boss. <br />
<br />
(Special thanks to Tina from the audience.)<br />
<br />
x<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b></span> It's <i>not</i> Alan Moore, I've never even <i>met</i> the man. It's me <i>pretending</i> to be Alan Moore. Badly. Can't get the voice right for a start. In <b>no way</b> am I claiming that Alan Moore wrote any of the above. 'Alan Moore' (the one on this page) is a fictional creation. The Alan Moore who lives in the Alan Moore House in Northampton is completely unaware that this blog, (let alone Me and the Him) even <i>exist</i>.<span style="color: lime;"><b>2</b></span> I'm just pretending to be him because I'm a massive fanboy, have no way of getting in touch with the big guy to ask if he'd write an intro, and this is a lot less hassle than - say - becoming a magician or something twp like that.<span style="color: lime;"><b>23</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b></span> Correct at time of typing.<br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>23.</b></span> I started reading up on magick properly and it just sounds like a cross between New Age spirituality and self-help, but with more striding around like you own the place. Not my scene really. <br /><br />Hey ho. <br /><br />Al No</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">#NoneOfThisMeansAnything</span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-40385661562689491012017-11-09T12:27:00.000+00:002017-11-09T17:13:49.142+00:00More #IncomprehensibleSelfPromotion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: lime;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Check back tomorrow to see if it worked...</span></b></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-40777405568130305072017-09-01T23:00:00.000+01:002017-11-09T13:03:51.664+00:00No Complications: First the Books Then the Musical<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>CLICK TO ENBIGGEN</b></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-57390010394148542872017-02-26T23:00:00.000+00:002017-11-08T12:34:37.565+00:002000 AD - Forty Years of Thrill-Power<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgys4oI-qzyqg_DB3aaZLN1l4WHT9HLtMkCthGld0gLaJMwvK4WYdIKJhR8E4WGXJyDYUUj_99Q0P3sQhNEAkpx4Kvbua8Yogajik7YfC21mG9L3yjvy0dnmaYraC05Nh9y6zQGNxt9-0k/s1600/2000AD+Forty+Years+v04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgys4oI-qzyqg_DB3aaZLN1l4WHT9HLtMkCthGld0gLaJMwvK4WYdIKJhR8E4WGXJyDYUUj_99Q0P3sQhNEAkpx4Kvbua8Yogajik7YfC21mG9L3yjvy0dnmaYraC05Nh9y6zQGNxt9-0k/s640/2000AD+Forty+Years+v04.jpg" width="452" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Groups are grammatical fictions; only individuals
exist, and each individual is different.</i></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">- Robert Anton Wilson</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">When Pat Mills first mentioned the idea of a
sci-fi comic to me, I didn’t think it would work.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
</i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">- <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/intermission-plan-b-books.html" target="_blank">John Wagner</a></span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">If you write about something you understand (or have researched) and
give yourself </span></i><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">time<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">, a solution to a problem will occur.</i><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">- Pat Mills, April 1987</b></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ1VJrRwOcmUpIJ69SWAgJfGarawY2RuTKWxaQCDzl00Mj6gObe97lB-k64yWWZLymyburzYKmI_vBPyPI1jXnNqqrMWQ9ou-a51K_3api5rHddmf4nRMydJTykrPAbfBWSmu2waMg_sk/s1600/Introduction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ1VJrRwOcmUpIJ69SWAgJfGarawY2RuTKWxaQCDzl00Mj6gObe97lB-k64yWWZLymyburzYKmI_vBPyPI1jXnNqqrMWQ9ou-a51K_3api5rHddmf4nRMydJTykrPAbfBWSmu2waMg_sk/s400/Introduction.jpg" width="400" /></a></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The past
is quicksand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I don’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/comics-unmasked.html" target="_blank">measure time in notebooks</a>, that was just a way of grabbing your attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, I use them as landmarks, but I also use
whatever I’m reading at the time, life-changing events and a clock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of these’ll be making an appearance in the
following paragraphs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except for the
clock.<br />
<br />
I’ve been putting this off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know why,
but it’s a cheat to admit that, much better to pace the flat looking
tortured.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m floating in coffee. There’s a playlist of tracks based on The Mighty One’s Organ throbbing away.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>0</b></span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let’s do some time-twisting. Let's talk about thirty-plus years of comics, music
and living in popular culture’s fringes like a transtextual headlouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />We’ll start just
before the end, and see where this thing disguised as a revisit of Tharg's head finishes up. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">
</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv-yTZmqXjcLifEpSwK39tY92WBBAJ_GGMjDlBfx0sd1KI2wdXoVBLo-b3MXcehTTq5Aom_2rZo_gzkvyOyWs8Q7d-9oTODOLr9HdsA2fccBvq0B7bamiHqgQsGwJ4c9mg9v2tqmEXuVk/s1600/And+then.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv-yTZmqXjcLifEpSwK39tY92WBBAJ_GGMjDlBfx0sd1KI2wdXoVBLo-b3MXcehTTq5Aom_2rZo_gzkvyOyWs8Q7d-9oTODOLr9HdsA2fccBvq0B7bamiHqgQsGwJ4c9mg9v2tqmEXuVk/s400/And+then.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">2016
was a thieving bastard of a year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not
only did it steal all those people who landscaped our possible pasts, but it
also walked off with three of my school-friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every
death acted like a stick in the mud of the Nostalgia Estuary, turning the
usual blank grey a full-on shitty brown, all to a soundtrack lifted from late-Eighties
and early-Nineties Sunday Chart Shows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Taxi to the airports booked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t sleep,
naturally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Manage two hours in the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I ended up immersing in The KLF and Sheep On Drugs for the month leading up to this, recapturing
what my youth tasted like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ink, mostly: warm, drying Parker; hot photocopier dust; Quink; Indian; Rotring or swimmy
Banda fumes stinging like snorted vodka. All ink-based.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All blending under the
main layer of Printer’s that made up the readable parts of the comics and
music press that're entwined throughout whatever’s approaching.<br />
<br />
I’ve finished the John Higgs book that’s almost about The KLF and started on
the Steve MacManus biography concentrating on his time as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2000 AD'</i>s editor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The second one’s
not as obviously full of mad synchronicity, magic and satirical religions in
super-positions, but <i>does</i> have some juicy drinking tales.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There's a taxi waiting in an outside that looks
like Fraser Irving’s designed it.<br />
<br />
It’s cold and the driver doesn’t remember me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>By the first set of lights he’s telling me about how the WISE Group are
the Real Rulers Of The Country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Embarrassed,
I admit I’ve never heard of them. He gives me all the background I can eat while the wheels chew up the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The taxi
interior is thick with the memory of tobacco and the swirled capes of the
Rothschilds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Outside glistens orange
and black, undulating by like a pack of cybertigers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WISE stands for Wales, Ireland, Scotland and
England and the subjugation of everyone who doesn’t already know that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The taxi slides up against the side of the
white zone like a dolphin flirting with a sailor and my driver says, “You know
who’s really in charge, aye?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> in charge?”<br />
<br />
I’ve opened the door and, like the other passengers up and down the red zone,
started unloading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />“Ummm…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The WISE Group?”<br />
<br />
“No!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of <i>course</i> not.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His voice drops to a tiger's rasp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It’s the <i>Illuminati.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’ll be sixteen pounds.”<br />
<br />
I’m standing for a few seconds working out if I’m paying for the lift or
the information, trying to laugh off the electric wave that’s just rushed up
my back and made my arms bumpy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
can’t think of anything to say.<br /><br />“Thanks.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />He’s gone into the now-Milleresque, weird morning
light<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shift my bag on my shoulder and head
quickly into the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all,
there’s just no stopping in a white zone.<br />
<br />
Brief hours later, I'm playing sardines with strangers in a crammed tube with wings. It breaks through the cloud layer, rising into a childhood sky that’s nothing more than a tarpaulin made of GI
skins stretched taut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And, like the past, what’s beyond the ice-fronded window would kill you if
you tried to live in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As durable and
adaptable as a person appears to be, it’s all a matter of scale and
hubris.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The past is an inhospitable
place, full of terrible teeth and hot, offal breath.<br />
<br />
Because we’re living in the future now, I can’t buy a coffee with anything
analogue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead I suck on travel
sweets to try and stop my ears bleeding, and read up to Steve MacManus’ 1986
swansong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His 1987 kicks off proper on
page 230, but that’s still two days away for me. <br />
<br />
I tuck the book away as we descend through the cheap cloud effects that signify the
transition layer between then and now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We land in Brit-Cit and get shuttled to the red zone for immediate
unloading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kev J, a gentleman’s gent,
gets us onto the M23 in short order.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
spend most of the journey catching up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s been nearly two years since I last saw him and there’ve been
several plot-twists and crossover events since then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It feels like last week, but it wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day feels the same so it’s hard to
measure progress except with notebooks and supporting characters.<br />
<br />
We stop at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">chez J </i>briefly, just long
enough for the cats to approve me, then back on the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have a spicy lunch with the annoyingly-talented
Iain Martin, writer of <a href="http://www.iainmartinbooks.co.uk/" target="_blank">the Winterhill series</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s just finished the <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B072N3KGLR" target="_blank">next volume</a>
and <a href="http://www.iainmartinbooks.co.uk/iain-and-al-speak-geek/" target="_blank">it needs a cover</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is great news
for several reasons beyond the obvious.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2</b></span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Our plates and Iain are gone and Kev’s escorting me into the heart of empire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re lowered into the deleted scenes of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">An American Werewolf in London</i> and then escalate
up, into the long shadow of the British Museum where <i>another</i> museum crouches.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFSXIS0yzHoDu1FH79emhS_GGMLY0YIN3ooQIIPhJkJhaclNpphq4cOuXhuw1CC83pOAf7l1pZgq0aFDNnY0Pie-fAHgrso3KUsVA9FjYbgo_fa2Pqp0GSEhOr_LG5b7DPaEmG8EYD-Ck/s1600/Denmark+Street.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFSXIS0yzHoDu1FH79emhS_GGMLY0YIN3ooQIIPhJkJhaclNpphq4cOuXhuw1CC83pOAf7l1pZgq0aFDNnY0Pie-fAHgrso3KUsVA9FjYbgo_fa2Pqp0GSEhOr_LG5b7DPaEmG8EYD-Ck/s400/Denmark+Street.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br />
The past is a glamour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlDBdCwI1Es" target="_blank">paraphrase the JAMS</a>, 1987 was a… <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7YqEm9VYpI" target="_blank">confusing year</a>.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3</b></span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hold that thought, we’ll be needing it later.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.cartoonmuseum.org/" target="_blank">The Cartoon Museum</a> doesn’t really exist, which makes visiting it a truly unique
experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/comics-unmasked.html" target="_blank">I’ve said before</a>, the UK <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">tolerates</i> comics on the
condition it can keep a big stick handy for anytime the medium looks like forgetting its place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This anomaly fits in
the street the same way a shadow fills the missing piece of a risky Jenga
tower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s an honourable tribute to a
medium that the British have a damn good case to having invented.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unlike most of British history, it’s a first
worth being proud of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Okay, it’s the
Scots who<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> really</i> invented comics as
we know them but let’s not get caught up debating something as toxic as
nationalism, shall we?)<br />
<br />
Kev and I drift through the downstairs historical exhibition of cartoons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s got some of everything that the ‘great
and the good’ might regard as worth spending all that Lottery money on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cruikshank, Bell, Scarfe, Giles, tints and
originals all preserved for future generations of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Private Eye</i> readers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
breathtaking, but it’s not why we’re here today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re here for the loftier and, in many ways,
much more socially important exhibition. The one that’s upstairs. <br />
<br />
Eighty original pieces of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2000 AD</i>
artwork arranged in an approximate chronological order forest the upstairs
gallery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clinging to walls and scowling
over the balcony, many much larger than you’d expect, they represent layers of
cultural experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each brushstroke
and every lettering bubble will have touched untold lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some more than others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Many of the pieces come from damn impressive collections.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>David Roach’s is obviously world
standard.</span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">One Friday over a lifetime
ago, my Dad brought home a copy of a fanzine called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hellfire</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had a Garry
Leach cover and a roundtable interview with Alan (no relation to Steve) Moore
and David Lloyd that introduced me to <i>Repo Man</i> amongst other things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently it’d been put together by the
children of a lady he worked with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
two brothers were opening a comic shop of sorts in a Cardiff market, selling off their collections for some reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went in, picked up the complete <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bozz Chronicles</i> at a bargain price and
talked to the shorter-haired Roach brother about Ramon Sola for far longer than
was polite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He put up with me and let me
know that he’d drawn a <i>Purity Brown</i> strip that’d be appearing in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2000 AD</i> sometime soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These days that same Roach brother inks the
main <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Doctor Who </i>comic and is lauded
for his exquisite work on Judge Anderson’s strips, amongst others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His feather-delicate style is more confident
now, but retains the breathtaking touches originally exhibited in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hellfire</i>’s back-up strip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTzl4VuE_SHYUOms2TR6jxJ0N97G1SDJYEj0IvjZneWCbpb4bhIx23HaYoi-AUvynp6_r2QCUb0q5aTsImEXDYZ5EPEgCsk_9ObLYJwzYHeqdkCk0-_JhGIqwiILtDgl9ZDipkh0kAFiI/s1600/390665758534.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTzl4VuE_SHYUOms2TR6jxJ0N97G1SDJYEj0IvjZneWCbpb4bhIx23HaYoi-AUvynp6_r2QCUb0q5aTsImEXDYZ5EPEgCsk_9ObLYJwzYHeqdkCk0-_JhGIqwiILtDgl9ZDipkh0kAFiI/s320/390665758534.jpg" width="232" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDkpx1UHcWdTb337e0HsxfFkeKboagUOsHIQXANTcXZsCD4bVqM7NsrcirXi8wU2K1OKoRDRLgVJJcZxc-nClK32pDi4jF353Nr7Ui7drSPvvhZMsAAt33YFOeDvog2Qkq1kirylBRssc/s1600/hellfire-stripweb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDkpx1UHcWdTb337e0HsxfFkeKboagUOsHIQXANTcXZsCD4bVqM7NsrcirXi8wU2K1OKoRDRLgVJJcZxc-nClK32pDi4jF353Nr7Ui7drSPvvhZMsAAt33YFOeDvog2Qkq1kirylBRssc/s320/hellfire-stripweb.jpg" width="220" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Two of the pieces on display freak me out because they shouldn’t be
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last time I saw the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Judge Child Quest</i> page was in Mackintosh
Place in Cardiff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back then it was owned
by a chap called Martin O'Shea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d spend hours
staring at it, taking in the parts that didn’t reproduce mechanically, looking
through the lettering at the hidden artwork underneath, wondering why some ink
aged quicker than others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d drink
vodka and talk bollocks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually I
messed up both an inking job Martin offered me and a chance to promote his book, <a href="http://www.forbiddenplanet.co.uk/the-least-among-us" target="_blank"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Least Among Us</i></a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Kevin O’Neill <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nemesis</i> page on display was also Martin's – he had all his artwork in the same style of frame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something dry and ancient moves through me
for a moment and I forget where I am. <br /> </span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Shortly after self-sabotaging my A-levels, I get forced to leave home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything I didn't manage to stuff into a black bag – books, records,
comics, posters and artwork – got thrown away. I was lucky enough to
be plucked up and dropped, with restrictions, into Cardiff. Not everyone gets a second-chance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ended up working through the weeks as an
early-morning cleaner in Cyncoed and as an input-monkey on Newport Road in the
mid-afternoons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The labouring was
offset with exam retakes, courtesy of Coleg Glan Hafren’s randomly scattered locations,
and trips to Spillers Records.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>English
Lit A-level took up Friday mornings in the college’s main campus. It was
during those lessons that I made friends with Mike, one of the most genuine
gentlemen I’ve ever met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mike in turn
introduced me to Martin, a long-time friend of his who was also into <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2000 AD</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br />
<br />
Years earlier, when life was straighter, taking the coach from Clevedon to
London was a major event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/who-on-earth-is-tom-baker.html" target="_blank">London’s more a country than a city</a> and those childhood journeys were very much like trips
abroad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back then London would get films
months before the rest of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had
underground trains and a comic shop that sold issues from months in the future
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Visiting the actual Forbidden
Planet was unreal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Every article about Denmark Street seems to repeat its status as ‘London’s Tin
Pan Alley’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s something in the
area that encourages rock music and ink. Good luck working in something about the
foundations being laid in the remains of a leper hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The street’s musical history includes the
respectable flogging of instruments and sheet music, but there’s also something
subtler.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Denmark Street is a background
setting to so many different forces that’ve shaped my life walking down it now
should trigger arcs of significant energy with each step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, it doesn’t.<br />
<br />
Dennis Nilsen, who inspired a book that both inspired a conversation between
myself and another of Mike’s friends as well a song by Swans, worked on Denmark Street. The
Lower Third drank here with David Jones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Black Sabbath recorded their first two albums in a low-level
studio, lyrics based solidly on the works of Dennis Wheatley (that’s Crowley
covered then).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kinks, Tom Jones, Yardbirds,
Paul ‘You Can Call Me Al’ Simon and Sex Pistols are shared ghosts in our
historical architectures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Periodically
speaking, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Melody Maker</i> and the<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> NME</i> lived here for years, and, though the
wordcounts may've varied, I’m pleased to have been in bands that were tattooed into their pages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Centre Point looms. Whilst it’s easy to trace a connection to
this piece of Mega-City sculpture to the music clubs of South Wales, we’re
already in the rough.<br />
<br />
Forbidden Planet cropped up as something other than an advert in comics
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I experienced another strange
feeling of something passing through me when I realised I’d <i>visited</i> the shop
that was giving Betsy Braddock such a headache in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Captain Britain</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Co-founder
Mike Lake’s bright red Ferrari got trashed in a tussle between Warlock and
Impossible Man in the third <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">New Mutants</i>
annual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had it on good authority from the Roach
brother mentioned earlier that Marvel got the car’s colour wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
interesting that both stories were drawn by Alan Davis. Shame it doesn’t mean
anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fairly recently, Little Jimmy
Fnord, Alan Moore’s Scottish Tribute Act, tried to muscle in on the action by including a
mention of Forbidden Planet Scotland’s overseas branch in a largely unreadable
issue of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Authority</i>, but who
cares?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Landau’s a Titan; no Eagles for
Nicking his ideas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
We headed back to Kev and Penny’s for a skim through the collected <i>Meltdown Man</i>, followed by an excellent curry and an exhausted sleep. My responsibilities were in a different country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br /><br />The morning’s foggy, frosty and there’s a scrim of snow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We head toward Hammersmith via the cover of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Animals</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br /><br />Your whole life’s been leading to every morning, so why should one feel
more significant than any other?</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwadiM7oXcoQvpmFYN6gJHmOeXJHlf3vI68qPui5W1BP_bEue-KbpBHvWuHCvUM7XwByKzk9nsHxQRtw5VQRHvHTUIryuQA_oeEU1007d4cCvdj3Vi1YTvWSyJ2H86mw_qeBPcuuccnCM/s1600/art+551.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwadiM7oXcoQvpmFYN6gJHmOeXJHlf3vI68qPui5W1BP_bEue-KbpBHvWuHCvUM7XwByKzk9nsHxQRtw5VQRHvHTUIryuQA_oeEU1007d4cCvdj3Vi1YTvWSyJ2H86mw_qeBPcuuccnCM/s320/art+551.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Bonus strip in the <i>Meltdown Man</i> Collected Edition.</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The past
is a river.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Downstream's infant school
and pristine issues of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Doctor Who Comic</i>
(that’s what it’s called).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I<i> say</i>
pristine, but they’ve got my Dad’s surname written in biro near the top of the
back cover.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recognise the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Abslom Daak</i> artist from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hulk Comic</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s my favourite artist in the whole
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Comics and distraction; junior school years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Dentist’s waiting room has comic annuals, one with a story about a
giant black dog, a Shuck brought down by Puritan
gunmen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Doctor’s noisy space has
dismembered Bolland pages: a sobbing astronaut is hauled away from a failed
simulated flight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The classroom windows
use steam to block out the rain; a Portrait of a Mutant fixed forever on a
crayon-enhanced page in my small hands. I don’t try and read the story because
I’m put off by ‘PART II’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can’t</i> mean ‘part <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">eleven</i>’ as that’s beyond the scale of comprehension for someone
living in the now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m aware of Roman
Numerals, but they don’t help either.<br />
<br />
Suddenly: 1985!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m in a Comprehensive
education system, reading the debut issue of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Best of 2000 AD Monthly</i>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Blood of Satanus</i> acts as a dry-run for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Cry
of the Werewolf</i> just fine; the second story is drawn by my favourite artist
in the whole world and written by someone who’s more than registered on my
radar as ‘one to watch’; the debut <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rogue
Trooper</i> story does what it does with aplomb – Gunnar’s been my favourite
character for years already; <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Strontium
Dog</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Judge Minty</i> tie in with
fandom beautifully and the final <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Future
Shock</i> is from the team that’ll change the world I'll eventually live in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A full page ad for Forbidden Planet covers
the back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Less a comic, more
a distillation of childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />Next
year I become a teenager and start on the slide proper.<br />
<br />
Eagle Comics are reprinting classic <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2000
AD</i> strips in US-sized colour editions with beautiful covers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Action</i>’s
sub-editor done well for himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Beautiful black and white ‘albums’ from Titan Books start appearing on
shelves and Christmas lists.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />The Jedi
return and Spock goes missing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I’m in a car that’s driving through Cheddar Gorge, reading the first issue of
Eagle Comics’ <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stainless Steel Rat</i>
reprint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a Sunday and we’ve been
out for a spin with a family friend and her dog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m lost in the comic when something growls
and then grabs my head, tugging hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Suddenly it’s not just Jim diGriz that’s slippery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />The car pulls to a halt. <br /><br />Someone’s
screaming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />I miss Hancock’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Blood Donor</i> because I’m having my
head stitched up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During the
recuperation period I discover John Peel and White Zombie’s Acid Flesh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the lads from the Sixth Year is impressed with my
knowledge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s wearing the Judge Death
badge from that Forbidden Planet advert. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I’m indulging in mammoth re-reads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Progs
piled up, open to the pages of whichever story I’m tracking:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dredd</i>,
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Skizz</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Slaine</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ace Trucking Co</i>.,
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Robo-Hunter</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rogue Trooper</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">D.R. &
Quinch</i>, all read over and over and over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometime around now Marvel’s Secret Wars kicks off and I meet Chubb for
the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s a couple of years
older than me, give or take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some guy
called Fabry starts drawing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Slaine</i>
and instantly becomes my new favourite artist in the whole world. <br />
<br />
I discover music properly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I start on soundtracks and then move onto whatever moves me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve got
no shit-filter with music, so I like what I like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This way holds cowboy boots, ridicule from
musos and <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf007.html" target="_blank">an accidental (and unbroadcastable) Peel Session</a>, but I don't know that yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I write a letter telling Glenn Fabry how
great he is and post it, care of Tharg.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Glenn Fabry writes back, giving me Pat Mills' address.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chubb introduces me to the Cure and Sonic
Youth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I keep drawing, reading and
writing and reading and reading and reading. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwIY0MUnV8m6SZEmrVFPdwNDvZxmnK-GMtvnFi2ib1b4JzNG5MZHFZgUWyTgKQ_dIM6alsgIYulBGdqqu84wulwdFMLe93yfLQfcyRZ1pqGCPhUqwH7C11Fab4o3Tua-oC6gRHzGs-a94/s1600/FabryPost.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="115" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwIY0MUnV8m6SZEmrVFPdwNDvZxmnK-GMtvnFi2ib1b4JzNG5MZHFZgUWyTgKQ_dIM6alsgIYulBGdqqu84wulwdFMLe93yfLQfcyRZ1pqGCPhUqwH7C11Fab4o3Tua-oC6gRHzGs-a94/s400/FabryPost.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Original Fabry(s)<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">, circa </span>1987.</span></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqNT9tmK2VZ-RadkdmR1sMcbbulgevVZwiHrmwGstqIIxTEvTVlfy_hBPNErQbMA-A6pzjozqjid5v7MwQrz9rNS_GgWzsgYihX8zEwFRplTyOQnfwk7Du0byrNNpDoDN-L9aQB4EKarQ/s1600/The+Importance+of+Fabry+02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqNT9tmK2VZ-RadkdmR1sMcbbulgevVZwiHrmwGstqIIxTEvTVlfy_hBPNErQbMA-A6pzjozqjid5v7MwQrz9rNS_GgWzsgYihX8zEwFRplTyOQnfwk7Du0byrNNpDoDN-L9aQB4EKarQ/s320/The+Importance+of+Fabry+02.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">An(other) Original Fabry. 1987.</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Pat Mills sends thoughtful replies to my letters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He takes the things I write seriously and isn’t sniffy about comics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m not having a great time in school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The snobbery of English teachers is causing difficulties. I’m probably capable of producing work they’d delight to approve of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />I’m reading <i>The
White Goddess</i>, as recommended by Pat Mills, in a History lesson that’s been
boring me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The teacher takes notice and
talks to me about it, Robert Graves and then comics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the next few months I excel in History.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaNk_KZTSTPtOL4b5E_mNgkW8aV2EWleoiuzIS1iQf2MpU_mIGzzc_ZorjFgIQqAU1p6BI7qcS2R6t8orJy1QtA-tznNdvErX0w3Nw9jC21tAgqYzmsRyLGAQBwD6iFeZqm8s6XCwd0Zo/s1600/Pat+Mills+01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaNk_KZTSTPtOL4b5E_mNgkW8aV2EWleoiuzIS1iQf2MpU_mIGzzc_ZorjFgIQqAU1p6BI7qcS2R6t8orJy1QtA-tznNdvErX0w3Nw9jC21tAgqYzmsRyLGAQBwD6iFeZqm8s6XCwd0Zo/s400/Pat+Mills+01.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">An Original Mills<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">. </span>1987.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlG6X7GgE-ycyAoodO6AUNlhej_z91n_a124J32u7xQxk7-OiPW9qfEe-LnPIUgsh0BGEorDeeRR5pjJEsqMCLtgMFl_dmPCSEXLElZ719vGW2hALqQbDSPgTqaOEIBGVTQv07a-w71HU/s1600/Pat02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlG6X7GgE-ycyAoodO6AUNlhej_z91n_a124J32u7xQxk7-OiPW9qfEe-LnPIUgsh0BGEorDeeRR5pjJEsqMCLtgMFl_dmPCSEXLElZ719vGW2hALqQbDSPgTqaOEIBGVTQv07a-w71HU/s400/Pat02.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">An(other) Original Mills<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">. </span>1987.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">My favourite teacher is off on a long-term illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m so far ahead of the rest of the History
class at this point that the supply teacher’s got nothing for me to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I start working on my first fanzine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chubb lends me a comic called <a href="http://ukcomics.wikia.com/wiki/Redfox" target="_blank"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Redfox</i></a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The publisher’s bringing out a series called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Adventures of Luther Arkwright</i> soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like what I’ve seen of the <i>Luther</i> artist’s work in
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2000 AD</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Diceman</i>, so I use my birthday money to take out a
subscription.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having realised that
school’s pointless, I waste as little time on it as I can and devote
myself to reading and writing instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Parents are called in for emergency meetings about my cynicism and comics obsession.<br />
<br />
It's the arse-end of 1986. I buy four copies of Prog 500 from the Queen Street WH Smith in Cardiff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chris Bell, <a href="http://ukcomics.wikia.com/wiki/Valkyrie_Press" target="_blank">the writer of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Redfox</i> and publisher of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Luther Arkwright</i></a> writes back to me, also
offering advice about writing and breaking into comics in general.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By now, Chubb and myself have become an
almost double-act. We visit Chris in Bristol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She buys us Chinese and shows us around <a href="http://www.bvstudios.co.uk/aboutbv.html" target="_blank">Wiltshire Printers</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s crazy because the only thing being
printed is Prog 549.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Huge stacks of
issues sprout from the concrete floor, all topped with <a href="http://artdroids.co.uk/GalleryPiece.asp?Piece=4570&ArtistId=638" target="_blank">Dave Gibbons’ <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Zenith</i> cover</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The printers treat us as VIPs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The noise is incredible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back at Chris’s, just off Whiteladies Road,
we see the original art for the second book of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Luther</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Arkwright</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chris explains that, yes, that <i>really is </i>what
tunnel vision looks like as you're passing out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
Later on she drives me to meet <i>Luther</i>'s<i> </i>creator after a signing he's done in Bristol's Forever People. Being an idiot, I'm too nervous to speak to him.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">C</span>hubb makes me compilation tapes of bands that don’t make the
charts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life is full of beautiful
art, talented people, great music and friends who respect me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />Unfortunately that’s not how school works.</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFxolP0Rz0Qp4CeKrJKtO7EXZAznIT_hhS02bOQkvBM0BYaElE8K5ttsKl4Tg_pcbFU6YKeKwcmxlHDmwmv7-t6yOy6uhShZw2TUJIlKjyOg1G-ZYCTnuOA7m2_zRvOkIaccj9YAvFsag/s1600/Next+Mart+Chris.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFxolP0Rz0Qp4CeKrJKtO7EXZAznIT_hhS02bOQkvBM0BYaElE8K5ttsKl4Tg_pcbFU6YKeKwcmxlHDmwmv7-t6yOy6uhShZw2TUJIlKjyOg1G-ZYCTnuOA7m2_zRvOkIaccj9YAvFsag/s400/Next+Mart+Chris.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Original Bell(s). 1987</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I try writing about the collected edition of <i>Watchmen</i> as part of my English
Literature coursework. It’s a waste of
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve made friends with a lad
called Byron who also reads comics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s
got the thickest ginger hair you could imagine and, like most of us, he’s
growing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite Chubb’s more nuanced
musical input, I’ve moved from Queen to Anthrax to Metallica to Slayer and
recently started dabbling with Christian Death and Fields of the Nephilim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve also produced a stream-of-consciousness
monstrosity called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wormbait</i> that I’m
trying to pass off as a stripzine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it
was intelligible then it’d be obvious I’ve just lifted all the bits I like from
other places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Years later I figure out
that’s how <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everyone</i> starts, whether
they’re writing fiction, drawing or starting up a band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s only when you’ve hacked away your
influences that you find out who you are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wormbait</i> teaches me a lot about
how <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> to make a comic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sensibly, I make completely different
mistakes with the next one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Pat Mills puts me in touch with a couple of fairly-local folk who also want to
make comics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One’s a writer, the other’s
an artist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Together we pull together a
new fanzine called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Overview</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I commission a cover from Glenn Fabry and pay
for it with birthday money. Being a lovely bloke, Mr Fabry provides an introduction
gratis and Mike Collins provides a pencil drawing of Doctor Fate that I'm told I'm not allowed to ink.<i> </i></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><i>Overview</i>'s print-run destroys a
photocopier but doesn’t cost <i>us</i> anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As soon as I start getting complaints about the ‘zine not been printed
proper I finally understand how success is a collaborative effort but anything
less than success is my fault alone. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chris invites me to that year’s
UKCAC, promising my parents that she’ll look after me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not allowed to go. The others head
down to flog the ‘zine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stay at home
feeling a pure bright-lime jealousy, like only a sulking teenager can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s all I'm willing to say right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask me when you’re
older.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4sgKz7133aBq6nA0RBUdgwA8GQ4F7o5f_lsvsxNm2g_3edSCSkESWvcnqtrhvDelp6n6Kezmg7QPrDfN2e_gjqNJShvVrnio_PDRr1cKM-xslhy9t6sx3dNwpAcUxlW9OCxg3P0BX0BY/s1600/Silly+Pig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4sgKz7133aBq6nA0RBUdgwA8GQ4F7o5f_lsvsxNm2g_3edSCSkESWvcnqtrhvDelp6n6Kezmg7QPrDfN2e_gjqNJShvVrnio_PDRr1cKM-xslhy9t6sx3dNwpAcUxlW9OCxg3P0BX0BY/s400/Silly+Pig.jpg" width="288" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">An(other) Original Fabry. 1987</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I’ve told you <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-payphone-story.html" target="_blank">the <i>main</i> Payphone Story</a> but I <i>haven’t</i> told you how it ends. <br /><br />Neil
Gaiman is just starting to make his way into comics from journalism and
collaborations with Kim Newman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Harlan
Ellison isn’t in, so I leave a message on his answerphone and try the last
number on my list. This number belongs to an artist flying high on the success of <i>Watchmen</i> and one of
<i>the</i> most famous comic creators around. He doesn’t sound at all happy to be talking to me. <br /><br />How did I got this number?</span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I bluster. I don’t have it anymore. This doesn’t convince
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />Bright, burning red and dripping
with sweat, I wish him a Merry Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br /><br />He returns the wish, on the condition I never speak to him again, and
hangs up.</span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I'm shaking for over an hour.<br />
<br />
2017. Kev gets us in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We get
tagged and given bags and a floor to sit on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realise that this is the first comic convention I’ve ever been to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The doors open and we’re led in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tables everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looks like the Bryan Talbot double-spread
Torquemada Convention from <i>Nemesis</i> in many ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know where to start, there’s too much
to take in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the end I decided against
bringing the first issue of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Best Of</i>
and dragged along my last surviving copy of Prog 500.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s Ian Kennedy there and nobody’s talking to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He shakes my hand and takes my sputtering
noises about it being an honour with soft grace, as do Jesus Redondo and Steve MacManus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The atmosphere’s relaxed and there’s a sense
of belonging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A definite
demographic surges through the spaces in the room.<br />
<br />
I pick up a Gunnar biochip badge along with Dredd and Death ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d worn my original <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Watchmen</i> one with pride through the early <a href="https://petrifiedrecords.bandcamp.com/" target="_blank">Nameless years</a> until it
got left under a haunted Bangor hotel by accident.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today, I’m wearing the replacement one that
Kev gave me for my birthday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking into
account that <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf000.html" target="_blank">one of the first songs Nameless recorded was partly written by the editor of <i>Hulk Comic</i></a> then some sort
of circle gets squared.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9fKdu9FzDsmaEQ12Cct0SKXSn4SnhXwZJospejhZ_KhXywFjkHjQA8QhhXTZHZFw_cDZgipvLpJw8Ysa9lcMZyKObaErOWQdi5t2xK4iBFG-bTcff8IDdCqyj7cV2z0T-umLxSsz99Ck/s1600/Steenkeen+Batches.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9fKdu9FzDsmaEQ12Cct0SKXSn4SnhXwZJospejhZ_KhXywFjkHjQA8QhhXTZHZFw_cDZgipvLpJw8Ysa9lcMZyKObaErOWQdi5t2xK4iBFG-bTcff8IDdCqyj7cV2z0T-umLxSsz99Ck/s400/Steenkeen+Batches.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Although there hasn’t <i>actually</i> been a decent <i>Doctor Who</i> comic story written since the
100<sup>th</sup> issue of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Doctor Who
Magazine</i>, a lot of the artwork since then's been great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Arthur Ranson’s guilty of beautiful McCoy-era
work. He walks by me when I’m in a queue, so I miss my chance to say
hello.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two of my favourite Who artists –
Roger Langridge and Ben Willsher – draw me their takes on Tom Baker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later on I’m lucky enough to bump into Mick McMahon
who shakes my hand and accepts my commission of a Tom Baker illustration, as
long as I get in touch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something passes through me,
shuddering with delight as it goes.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGuGnZjDXbHvYJoMy_cDb6M20ljDJdF4y_l4pymlyw9EpRM4ykbVIPTDp5TlnjyT3rw68o0kpo4ramTCKa55NUgIkW7OUgh1Jb6hlSNxbIdJS3CQgXPai0qvSViaxJEgyQqWs43rBlMP0/s1600/Langridge+Tom.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGuGnZjDXbHvYJoMy_cDb6M20ljDJdF4y_l4pymlyw9EpRM4ykbVIPTDp5TlnjyT3rw68o0kpo4ramTCKa55NUgIkW7OUgh1Jb6hlSNxbIdJS3CQgXPai0qvSViaxJEgyQqWs43rBlMP0/s320/Langridge+Tom.JPG" width="227" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">An Original Langridge. 2017.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOpVpk8tbGJvI4_eVuyKVnO_CVcC-janz2XiuhyphenhyphenBN9meg1y_NT2ewcNA93tsarel5ev9JR9FP3Xx44u3Otd6eRSqEQyhLaA0xv6DtNOFyt9bF5Q2SjPELLd7BViEhw-0hqYeozjgxlt-c/s1600/Willsher+Tom.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOpVpk8tbGJvI4_eVuyKVnO_CVcC-janz2XiuhyphenhyphenBN9meg1y_NT2ewcNA93tsarel5ev9JR9FP3Xx44u3Otd6eRSqEQyhLaA0xv6DtNOFyt9bF5Q2SjPELLd7BViEhw-0hqYeozjgxlt-c/s320/Willsher+Tom.JPG" width="219" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">An Original Willsher. Also 2017.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Kev and I check out the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgQgKuYArUs" target="_blank">Originals</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXQesN7z9EM" target="_blank">John Wagner/Carlos Esquerra</a> panels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both are moderated by people who seem to be
pushing a weird agenda.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just because
there’s been a satirical edge to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2000 AD</i>
since it started, I don’t think there’s a case to be argued that it acts as a gateway
drug to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Private Eye</i>, no matter how
much the current publishers might want it to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>John Wagner says something about the
disrespect dealt to one of his creations by another writer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Researching this, I re-read the stories in
question and can’t disagree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
intrigued to note that the same turgid period featured review droid Roxilla’s
occasional take on floor-fillin’, bangin' choons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Both The KLF and Sheeps (sic) On Drugs get their points missed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very </i>telling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
I’m in a queue when <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PznebrzEVN0&t=350s" target="_blank">someone who looks just like Byron walks by</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>
Byron though, it’s a Sadowitz survivor so <a href="https://www.bleedingcool.com/" target="_blank">cool his veins bleed</a> ice (it <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rVFi6qkPHE" target="_blank">says here</a>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the end of the queue is Glenn Fabry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shake his hand and thank him for the cover
and intro.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He says he’s found a
photocopy of the cover recently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wimp out of asking for proof.<br />
<br />
David Roach is still lovely. He's terrified at how good my memory is. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kev and I head to the
premiere of <i><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2017/02/searchdestroy-strontium-dog-fan-film.html" target="_blank">Search/Destroy</a></i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kev says the
day feels like one of the old UKCACs. <br />
<br />
Pat Mills shakes my hand and accepts my thanks graciously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s not the time to explain the impact
he’s had on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And why should there
be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone else in the hall is living
a variation of the same life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the
same story, just with different soundtracks.<br />
<br />
Dave Gibbons can’t remember the phone call at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He laughs heartily as I shake his hand and
wish him a final Merry Christmas for the second time.</span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">“And a Merry Christmas to you too, Al.”</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihk1A-Zk3iQWh_BAU9Q-WadyFJ4ZzSYsUg8-UTLgUZQ3GE59WbbkOMOwjRy4I-NekYhH93sZGROwR2YQhH3JdRPbiTfxV47XVzSsdXCszIHkqd1NzM7SdDQKz_tlsoEwc2Czi5720-Kz4/s1600/Outroduction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihk1A-Zk3iQWh_BAU9Q-WadyFJ4ZzSYsUg8-UTLgUZQ3GE59WbbkOMOwjRy4I-NekYhH93sZGROwR2YQhH3JdRPbiTfxV47XVzSsdXCszIHkqd1NzM7SdDQKz_tlsoEwc2Czi5720-Kz4/s400/Outroduction.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Byron was knocked down and killed while walking home from a festival.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The driver’s never been found.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span>The past is quicksand: it’s soft and it sucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The longer you walk through it, the harder it is to leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a brief moment in your youth when the
future’s still yours, but you don’t know that yet.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span>The past is a glamour: the moment you realise those delicate-brushed cheekbones
have scales is far, far too late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Scream
a golden scream and get on with dying well.<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The past is a river and time-travel is closer to real drowning than it is to anything
Romantic. Everything you were, wanted
and wished is safely downstream now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, things were better then, but you can never go back. K</span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">eep moving forward across the damned soil;
keep trekking through this hell.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The show must, like, <i>go on</i>, man.
</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">There’ssss more crime than life in
Glassssgow…</i><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">- Judge Death, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXQesN7z9EM" target="_blank">11th February 2017</a></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="color: lime;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Although almost every other cameo actor in this story has vanished over the years, while typing this, </span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">whatever this is, </span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I heard from
Chubb for the first time in nearly fifteen years.<br /><br />This p</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">roves that </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">not only</span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> does none of this mean anything, but that </span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">everything's</span></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> connected</span>.</span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsLw17aUaChtDRMa9XiJkZ8k6z67U1dxV3wiQXujK77rPz1GUId__XJ9waS9tk1Ry8xpa6jE3c5MlZPWhZCwgWbAt-MILLhHvk2VfQyjVzTdFGZTjaOzHVRVBQXiq93_o1xBzOdg1zQ-E/s1600/art01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsLw17aUaChtDRMa9XiJkZ8k6z67U1dxV3wiQXujK77rPz1GUId__XJ9waS9tk1Ry8xpa6jE3c5MlZPWhZCwgWbAt-MILLhHvk2VfQyjVzTdFGZTjaOzHVRVBQXiq93_o1xBzOdg1zQ-E/s400/art01.JPG" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">An Original Belardinelli (the <i>only</i> piece of <i>2000 AD</i> art that I own, actually). 1987.</span></td></tr>
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</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXkymTpCLTYB29jcs1vWYIyFUud1K2F2lOpi7OCX8VT2IgaO6SoP-i0b1RqOGCb8ttV8jz_Ns7vkiC7ST0AT3TExkv1YHDeXildYsm2pYwj7p2SvfHJppxetd74CHQe6M8Mb6eq9Xen4c/s1600/art+02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="108" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXkymTpCLTYB29jcs1vWYIyFUud1K2F2lOpi7OCX8VT2IgaO6SoP-i0b1RqOGCb8ttV8jz_Ns7vkiC7ST0AT3TExkv1YHDeXildYsm2pYwj7p2SvfHJppxetd74CHQe6M8Mb6eq9Xen4c/s400/art+02.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Original Belardinelli (detail). </span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5SBJ_VlVNTr-bDdNbEuJD4uU9QbCfMq-b7vB3DRnwDbO03JztRre4iFsZqajyhbce7hGd4t4MOYtaR5Cld-T-4g6qAVsuV1CFEvlSA10oYm0tOCsdL_8vvS0YWNtupCeZDaFRELYVMPc/s1600/art+23.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5SBJ_VlVNTr-bDdNbEuJD4uU9QbCfMq-b7vB3DRnwDbO03JztRre4iFsZqajyhbce7hGd4t4MOYtaR5Cld-T-4g6qAVsuV1CFEvlSA10oYm0tOCsdL_8vvS0YWNtupCeZDaFRELYVMPc/s640/art+23.JPG" width="526" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The Original Belardinelli (another detail). Everything's connected and <a href="https://petrifiedrecords.bandcamp.com/album/the-salt-flats" target="_blank">none of this means anything</a>...</span></span></span></td></tr>
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</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DEDICATED TO</b></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><b>Bis<br />Byron<br />Chubb<br />
Greg</b></span></span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: black;"><b>Martin O’Shea<br />
Mike </b></span></span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: black;"><b>Steph</b></span></span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: lime;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i></span></span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br />
<span style="color: black;">Everyone <br />who ever</span><br />
<span style="color: black;">wrote<br />
drew<br />
lettered<br />
coloured<br />
edited <br />
read<br />
or<br />
got/gets<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2000 AD</i></span></span></span></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i></span>THANKS</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br />
<b>Kev J</b>, <b>Penny</b> and <b>the Beasts<br />
Mr Iain<br />
The Cartoon Museum<br />
The Forbidden Planets<br />
Glenn Fabry<br />
Pat Mills<br />
John Wagner<br />
Alan Grant<br />
David A Roach<br />
Dave Gibbons<br />
Ian Kennedy<br />
Jesus Redondo<br />
Richard Burton<br />
Roger Langridge<br />
Ben Willsher<br />
Mick McMahon<br />
Steve MacManus</b><br />
<span style="color: lime;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i></span><br />
<b>Rich</b> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PznebrzEVN0&t=350s" target="_blank">‘Sadowitz Survivor’</a><b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PznebrzEVN0&t=350s" target="_blank"> </a>Johnston</b>
</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b> </b></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>0.</b></span>
Because the people have a right to know:</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<b>Darkness Descends</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB">
Dark Angel</span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Deathbringer<br />
</span></b><span lang="EN-GB">XX Nemesis</span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Dredd Song</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><br />Cap’n Bob and his Easy Cure</span><b><i><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></i></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><i><span lang="EN-GB">Dredd </span></i></b><b><span lang="EN-GB">Soundtrack</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><br />Paul Leonard-Morgan</span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Drokk: Music Inspired By Mega-City</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <b>One</b>
(the special edition with the bonus tracks)<br />Geoff Barrow and Ben Salisbury</span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">I Am The Law</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><br />Anthrax</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB"><b>I Am The Law</b><br />The Human League</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB"><b>I’m Hanging Out With Halo</b> <b>Jones</b><br />Transvision Vamp</span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Judge Dredd</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><br />Loose Talk</span><b><i><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></i></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><i><span lang="EN-GB">Judge Dredd</span></i></b><b><span lang="EN-GB"> Soundtrack</span></b><span lang="EN-GB">
(extended version)<br />Alan Silvestri</span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Judge Yr’Self</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><br />Le Manics</span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Music From and ‘Inspired’ by <i>Judge
Dredd</i></span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><br />Alan Silvestri and Chums</span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Mutants In Mega-City One</span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">
The Fink Brothers<b> </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Nemesis The Warlock</b></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">
Rob Hubbard</span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">2.</span></b></span></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Y’see, somewhere in the future,
this essay has been physically fixed into an actual, proper, printed book. Or, at least, it will be when I’ve chipped
away all the accreted time that’s built up between then and now like limescale
furring a kettle’s element. ‘<i>Time</i>scale’, maybe? <br />Tch.
Suit yourself.<br />
<br />
Anyway, quick message to the Eloi reading these words: flick back to the start
and treat yourself to Iain’s thoughtful and beautiful introduction. <br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>3.</b></span>
Furthermore known as the Justified Ancients of Mu Mu, also known as The
KLF and the K Foundation and all that. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">In
1987 I didn’t have a clue, but that’s a plot thread that winds through a different
piece of extended typing that sits, in the future, on a different shelf in the
British Museum to where you found this.</span></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-26999363437313237612017-02-26T22:59:00.000+00:002017-03-09T15:53:23.907+00:00Search/Destroy: A Strontium Dog Fan Film <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLy839R8ezJQihROvn9iXpXbILAjjr0Bo2tV2lC20ZW6tHCHfeoTonP20cqyEfihpjUQN0KeeHax1f1fPuuxqt_gly9133juAxRMmIf9YLfZlPTZGcDALb1htWNFlCVOH-_oVr7VocA5k/s1600/search+destroy+colour.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLy839R8ezJQihROvn9iXpXbILAjjr0Bo2tV2lC20ZW6tHCHfeoTonP20cqyEfihpjUQN0KeeHax1f1fPuuxqt_gly9133juAxRMmIf9YLfZlPTZGcDALb1htWNFlCVOH-_oVr7VocA5k/s640/search+destroy+colour.jpg" width="444" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><i><br />We’re here to reach out a hand to the
less-mutated community.</i><br />
<b>- Harvey, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/strontiumdogfanfilm/videos/1865421747035626/?hc_ref=PAGES_TIMELINE" target="_blank">GCC Recruitment Drive, 11<sup>th</sup> February 2017</a></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><b> </b><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip7YWuDb4njzAgHxu3opsXY_pY3uVTD9FQXv1BCSXRYGJMec-vO1VA66e3CJR-gh1VQWX-D_dzLcs3i5eWkBjRRB0zugptQlm5rS4w5xUApHd1Q4wpa0QXeTkdbOpUrPVak9lcfAwx5Ko/s1600/sd+seating.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip7YWuDb4njzAgHxu3opsXY_pY3uVTD9FQXv1BCSXRYGJMec-vO1VA66e3CJR-gh1VQWX-D_dzLcs3i5eWkBjRRB0zugptQlm5rS4w5xUApHd1Q4wpa0QXeTkdbOpUrPVak9lcfAwx5Ko/s320/sd+seating.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The hall’s
rammed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Standing room only.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Harvey (as worn by Guy Hepworth) takes the
lectern.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Galactic Crime Commission recruitment
posters raised behind him block out freedom’s flag and justice’s eagle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anticipation thickens the air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Harvey starts talking, introducing the
recruitment film that’s about to fill the screen floating above him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re told about ‘diversity targets’ and warned
off interacting with stray Gronks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Then the lights go out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
The film’s cast and crew wait in the dark with the rest of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is an exclusive occasion: first time out
in public <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> a guest of honour at an
old friend’s birthday party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a lot
to take in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Big day all round, to be
fair.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.strontiumdogfanfilm.com/" target="_blank">Search/Destroy</a> is Steves Green and </span>Sterlacchini<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span>’s second cinematic tribute to 2000
AD.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their first, <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/fic-n-pix-judge-minty.html" target="_blank">Judge Minty</a>, went down
well with fans, critics and creators alike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>John Wagner described it as his favourite Dredd film at the time and,
despite petitions and marches and Facebook campaigns, there hasn’t been one
since, so the accolade must still stand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There’re similarities between the Steves' two films, obviously, but not as many
as you’d expect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whereas Judge Minty
felt like a standalone, Search/Destroy has the air of a pilot to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or a prologue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dredd and his world have soaked further into
modern culture than Johnny and Wulf, maybe <i>that’s</i> why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think so.<br />
<span id="goog_238882638"></span><span id="goog_238882639"></span><br />
Just the facts then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Search/Destroy is</span> good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s gritty, solid, professional and filled
with as much love as Judge Minty was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
CGI is also better than it has any right to be, it's <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>certainly superior to some recent examples in The Walking Dead and
Doctor Who.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, it’s easier to
spend longer getting things right when you’re making them for love rather than
as components of an industrial machine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It showed previously, it does so again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The constraints of being not-for-profit offer greater creative
freedom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The work’s finished when it’s
finished, not when the beans run out.<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEuDs38SEIlrwLr3iuQqyX1beyQnQxlCZOGuljvEvR0AQRkpkz4dg0Db1iwVJVbxtN-A2IxreCso0wgtVJJmfUqrvlpZ19Q8W0RAcDSA_CyFjpENiWoOiFhkNfGoeHvTkZHjFE0nrv1RU/s1600/sd+promo+poster.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEuDs38SEIlrwLr3iuQqyX1beyQnQxlCZOGuljvEvR0AQRkpkz4dg0Db1iwVJVbxtN-A2IxreCso0wgtVJJmfUqrvlpZ19Q8W0RAcDSA_CyFjpENiWoOiFhkNfGoeHvTkZHjFE0nrv1RU/s400/sd+promo+poster.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
Strontium Dog’s always been a Western, and Search/Destroy honours this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the universal tale of society’s outcasts
hunting society’s outcasts set against a backdrop of galaxies, rather than mesas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sand, stand-offs, shoot-outs, stubble,
staring: all present and moodily correct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In contrast to Judge Minty, Search/Destroy isn’t a direct
adaptation/extension of an existing story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> things you’ve seen
before but, unlike a shallow Snyderesque<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>reproduction of cool comic panels without understanding the underlying meaning, the Steves mostly use these moments to help delineate character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s refreshing, to say the least.<br />
<br />
Of course, we’re talking a different language here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Franchises shouldn’t aim at fans because they’ll
buy it anyway, to misquote Dez Skinn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fan films don’t need to pander to the norms <i>at all</i>, and this, when done well, is
their real strength.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thrilling, undiluted direct hits, pummeling a shared consciousness are always going to be more satisfying, more <i>nourishing</i>, than something that fawns. Franchises stroke fancheeks with obsequious namedrops, then turn on those same fans, spitting insults if the unnecessary fondling doesn't produce the required amount of jerking-kneed gratitude.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span><br />
<br />
The casting here’s spot-on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Matthew Simpson’s
Alpha and Kevin Horsham’s Wulf stride solidly out of the strips, bringing a vibe that’s
part Reznor-cool and part scary-Scandinavian. Or something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s certainly dwarf-star heavy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wonderful Mr Dehn, Judge Minty himself,
is back, batting for evil this innings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The supporting cast do a grand job and the music kicks arse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />Niggles?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, if I had to say <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">something</i>.. A couple of the edits seemed perhaps a nanosecond too late and I was reminded more of
Starlord than Tharg. Both are probably my own fault.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Search/Destroy
sets the Strontium Dog universe up excellently and is a worthy additional
chapter to the ongoing story of 2000 AD.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The deafening applause that greeted the credits would seem to back this
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Search/Destroy <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shares</i> your nostalgia and affection for these characters, rather
than simply using them as a distraction while forcing your wallet open and roughly milking you into a filthy, plastic cash
bucket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, for that reason alone, you
owe it your time.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span><div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">
</span><i>…spread the word (sorry, different strip).</i><br />
<b>- <a href="http://www.starburstmagazine.com/features/interviews/12727-steve-green--strontium-dog-fan-film" target="_blank">Steve Green</a> </b><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b></span><span> </span>Or, as a great man once said, “<i>Stop getting
Bond wrong!</i>”</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-60642953154541089822016-09-13T23:00:00.000+01:002016-09-14T20:24:01.149+01:00PR of the Daleks<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIm2egHe057v5WLRa_Ld7NmZoJ7xTR3q3tlXiwAS4LT8Zur59fq9QKIsjTVqo2Px6inIt2qXFJy69BDF2VjzSx98u9cIz4oTjPEsa8UstZsSibp1oQI-vbkUBYAVoaoUjukh8hlUW9GyM/s1600/PR+of+the+Daleks.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIm2egHe057v5WLRa_Ld7NmZoJ7xTR3q3tlXiwAS4LT8Zur59fq9QKIsjTVqo2Px6inIt2qXFJy69BDF2VjzSx98u9cIz4oTjPEsa8UstZsSibp1oQI-vbkUBYAVoaoUjukh8hlUW9GyM/s400/PR+of+the+Daleks.JPG" width="330" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB"><br />If you despise that throwaway feeling<br />From disposable fun<br />Then this is the one</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">- Martin L. Gore</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(You fall through the clouds, damp
tentacles clutch at your tingling cheeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Abruptly the opaque surroundings clear and you see that you’re
plummeting toward a rather solid looking toy village.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sun’s low in the distance and shadows stretch
like inky sneezes towards the broccoli-wood that hedges the edges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t feel scared though; not until the
screech of a dinosaur rudely wakes you.)<br />
</i><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s a T. rex, isn’t it?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Baby T. rex.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Baby T. rex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay. The exciting news
that broke this week about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Power of
the Daleks</i>?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Oh, yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">definitely</i> know about that.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Okay, what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> you know about
it?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know that you sent me a link, and the link said, “This does not
exist.”<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me</b>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yeah!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s because, in classic
BBC ‘License-fee payers enjoyed the chance to watch these episodes for free
when they were first broadcast in the Sixties’ Worldwide fashion they, once
again, leaked what the secret reveal was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All by themselves.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You have really red elbows.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Have I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose so…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a two-disc version of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Power of the Daleks</i> coming out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s all been computer-animated, and it’s
based on designs by Adrian Salmon and Mar-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What’s wrong with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Power of the
Daleks</i> animation that’s already on YouTube?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s great, isn’t it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do like
that one.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve got a soft spot for it.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s the one we watched when we did <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/power-of-daleks.html" target="_blank">our previous ‘review’</a>…<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We watched it for about five minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You couldn’t handle it.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They hadn’t… quite captured Polly’s likeness…<br /><br /><span id="goog_53738449"></span><span id="goog_53738450"></span></span></div>
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<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that one scene with, “Oh
yes, maybe this will work. Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes,
okay, I’ll take this bit and then…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Okay.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you’ve just got the
little Patrick Troughton drawing standing there - <br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just with the mouth moving.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>- completely still.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There was that other computer-generated one where he slipped up the
wall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you remember that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No…<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was animated photographs and it was really
creepy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a bit like the Annoying
Orange.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A little bit Uncanny Valley for
my liking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soooooo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s been some conjecture that if it’s
going to be two discs, then that suggests…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Surely, you could fit six episodes on one disc if it’s just animation
and no extras?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’re rumours that it
might contain missing footage, but I don’t think that it’s going to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do you think this might be coming out?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why do I think what might be coming out?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Power of the Daleks</i>.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t understand why you think it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You sent me a link to-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh no, it is, it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The BBC’ve announced it and everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’ll be available to download and you’ll be
allowed to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">own</i> the download after
you’ve bought it; it’s coming out on DVD too.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You’re allowed to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">own</i> the
download?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The BBC’ve caught onto this new, modern
idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This… y’know… valueless format.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">1</span></span></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“404 – Daleks not found.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really,
it’s not…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know why you think
it’s coming out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could send you a
link, right, having typed in, ‘www.bbc.com’-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>‘.co.uk’<br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(Potentially the final appearance of the
sea-badger before Hallowe’en 2016…)</i><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nah, it’s BBC Worldwide, innit.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it’d been BBC Miami, I’d
have understood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The whole thing’s
probably up there already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if
Marcel Carmego got his job back?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Anyway…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>‘/The_Web_Planet_Episode_7_Through_9’ and saying <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they’d</i> returned and that they’d been missing…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we still don’t have the remaining
episodes of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Web Planet</i>, but seven
through nine have at least returned…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
could’ve sent you that link and said, “Whoah!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Look at this!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you’d have
clicked on the link and got, “Sorry, this web page doesn’t exist,” and you’d
have been-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Web page!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did</i>
come back up at midnight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think,
basically, what you’re looking at here is…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because Top Gear’s curled up and died-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just isn’t owned by
the BBC.<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br />
Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, they own Top Gear.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No, they lost it.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No, they’ve got Top Gear, because now it’s a spin-off from Friends and-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Didn’t it run away to Amazon?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-just lost the ex-Mr Billie Piper…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">presenters</i>
ran away to Amazon.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Did they?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That and Doctor Who were
the BBC’s biggest brands.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">2</span></span></b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So now Doctor Who has to carry the torch
since Top Gear died on its arse-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What about whichever one of the soap operas the BBC does?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>EastEnders?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, but you don’t
get EastEnders<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>box-sets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You watch it once and then – meh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not got rewatch value at all.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It does if you’ve not seen it before.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you’ve never seen it before, that’s really good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like never having bought a National
Lottery ticket.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3</b></span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"></span></span> </span>Just kidding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Obviously</i>, it’s one of the
most important breeding soups for new writers in the country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I thought that was Casualty?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Same sort of thing.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Casualty’s very important for new writers <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> new actors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone in
the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">world</i> has been on Casualty.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s like Rep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or The Bill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a rite of passage you have to pass in
order to get your Equity card.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really is, though!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But why?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, it depends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you haven’t got a mate running the
programme then that’s the route you’ve got to take…<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even obscure voice actors who’ve only been a voice actor in one
thing…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’ve been in Casualty.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Of course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you not… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve</i>
been in Casualty, when’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i> going
to be in Casualty?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have they not got in
touch with you yet?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Everyone</i>’s in Casualty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everyone in the country.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Casualty’s like jury duty.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ha!<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They send you a letter through and you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">have</i> to be on Casualty, otherwise you can go to prison.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s a bit like jury duty or leader of the Labour Party.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">4</span></span></b><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is Casualty any good?<br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(Okay, maybe I was a bit hasty with my
earlier sea badger prediction…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I </i>did<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> type ‘potentially’.)</i><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, anyway…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Paterson Joseph was
great.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ah!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve got a signed thing
from him in Casualty.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He played Mark Grace.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But was he in Casualty for more than one episode?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a regular.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think the reason the BBC’re doing it is
because they know they’ve got around twenty-thousand… people… who will shell
out for something that costs about 50p to make.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It costs more than 50p to animate it.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I meant to manufacture the physical DVD!<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i> ever manufactured a
DVD?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>CDs though…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once you’re producing a certain amount it
gets cheaper with each one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the initial
mastering that costs…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s no
restoration required.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the BBC’ve come
up with the money in order to do the animation then…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What this one is, really, is something that’s
just being sold-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Last week, I specifically remember you telling me that they were never
going to release any more DVDs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said,
“No, no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can still make money off
them.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you were like, “No!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’ve said they won’t!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they never will again!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then, not a week later, not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">even</i> a week later, you’re like,
“HRRRR!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>THEY’RE RELEASING NEW DVDs!”<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I reckon they’ve got the Hut bugged.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then, why even record this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
BBC’ll put it up.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s true.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Although, to be honest, no-one’ll hear what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m</i> saying…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just your
replies…<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s be fair, the reason the
BBC’re doing this one is because it’s a regeneration story and it’s got Daleks
in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, it’s a classic and they can
really push it.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i>
a regeneration story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are regeneration
stories spread across <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">both</i>
stories?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, that makes the TV Movie
a regeneration story squared.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a regeneration story in the same sense
that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Castrovalva</i> is…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And remember, William Hartnell <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">does</i> appear in it.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How much d’you think he got paid for that appearance?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Almost certainly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, very little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Going on the fact that Bret Vyon vanished off
the floor, ensuring Nicholas Courtney wouldn’t get an appearance fee, which was
a bit harsh.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He did come back, I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was he
not an extra in one of the later stories?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think so, yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He turned up in
something, outside a castle…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Was he in Casualty?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He must’ve been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Colin Baker
was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had glowing green eyes.<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br />
Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was he in Casualty for a long
time, or just the one episode?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was one of the main characters-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Really?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was the monster that lived in the hospital’s basement…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, am I confusing that with something by
Lars Von Trier?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I think that if this
is a success, we’ll probably get <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Evil of
the Daleks</i>, which would explain the computer-generated Dalek Queen that was
in that Doctor Who Adventures all that time ago…<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t think they’ll <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ever</i>
explain that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, that must’ve been
years ago.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It takes a long time to do this stuff.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It doesn’t take <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> long.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It takes a while.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It doesn’t take that long.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Probably-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And, if they had a shot of it, then it means they’d probably already
done it…<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Could just be a design.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
depends on how this stuff sells.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Power of the Daleks</i> sells really
well, then it could open the rest of the stories for the DVD market.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they can flog that one, then they can get
away with milking the fans to buy the rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Having said that, the BBC’re going to have to start putting in some
extra features.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not like there’s
any restoration that’s been paid for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’d put an end to the Omnirumour as well.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The ‘Omnirumour’?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, that’s the name for the rumour that all
the missing episodes’ve been returned and they’re just sitting-<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the BBC Canteen?<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unable to escape.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You would get pretty sick of watching <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/daleks-master-plan-feast-of-steven.html" target="_blank"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Feast of Steven</i></a> on repeat.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s a bit upsetting because that one, it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cannot</i> return.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because the BBC were wiping it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">as</i>
they broadc-<br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(Tape runs out.)</i><br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">1.</span></b></span></span><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"></span> A chat we’ll have <i>another</i> time.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b></span><span style="color: lime;"> </span>
Oddly enough, at the time of typing it’s just been announced that
Auntie’s misplaced The Great British Bake Off as well, which really does put a
lot of pressure on Doctor Who, a show that’s – basically – not even <i>on</i> this year.<br />
<br />
Leaving aside the political scourging the BBC’s currently undergoing, some of
it self-induced, it’s probably worth pointing out a few things that might be
going on here. First off, <i>The Power of the Daleks</i> isn’t the step
backward some fans might think. After <i>Spearhead From Space</i> and <i>The Enemy Within</i>, there’s no Classic
series stories that’re genuinely suitable for BluRay treatment. (BluRay’s not a terrific format either, it’s
nowhere near the huge jump in quality between VHS and DVD for a start. It arrived to the party slightly too late as
well, with digital media already starting to infect the wider industry. Even punishing DVD owners by only sticking
extras on BluRay didn’t work. After all,
who wanted to buy a new player <i>and</i> TV
to see what got chopped out of Prometheus?)
<br />
<br />
The range of Doctor Who DVDs is very, very good indeed. There are a few bad decisions – inverted
Terreliptils, ‘improving’ rather than enhancing and a tendency to
self-indulgent cronyism<span style="color: lime;"><b>5</b></span> being the
least-defensible – but the love that went into producing them really shines
through. The most impressive thing about
the collection however, is also the T. rex everyone’s ignoring: the VAM.<br />
<br />
With a few notable exceptions that we’ll get to, the Classic Doctor Who range
contains a staggering amount of historical information about one of the most
important<b><span style="color: lime;">1</span></b> TV shows ever made. But there are gaps, and, despite what Auntie
and other people may argue, those omissions are very, very hard to defend. <br />
<br />
There’s a definite air of The Tripods about TV Professionals Who Happen To Be
Doctor Who Fans. The Uncapped are cattle fit for milking and mocking and not much else. Occasionally, one of these ‘Milkable Barkers’
will win a place at the side of the Chosen.
That these happy few seem to always hail from Arslikhan is just one of
those things. Like Derren Brown tossing
ten heads in a row. Or ‘needing’ a
zombie to provide a jump-scare climax to a 28 Days Later homage that makes
Pebble Mill’s Cyberman look like a herald of the Apocalypse.<span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span><span style="color: lime;"></span>
<br />
<br />
Two Troughtons returned. No extras. Those days’re done. <i>Whatever</i>
the official reasons for vanilla releases with no accompanying documentaries, they’re
bollocks. Truly. Not just a poor show, there’s no excuse. There wasn’t at the time, and there isn’t
now. I’m sure that BBC ‘License-fee
payers enjoyed the chance to watch these episodes for free when they were first
broadcast in the Sixties’ Worldwide will disagree – <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/doctorwholive.html" target="_blank">these are the folk who gave us the Regeneration and Fourth Doctor boxsets after all</a> – but it’s an attitude that’s smug and arrogant and, well, rather <i>entitled</i>. The world’s changed – it might not even have
very long left – so denigrating your customers while they still exist, should
probably not be company policy. (You
might want to leave the knitting patterns alone too.)<br />
<br />
In much the same way that record companies totally misunderstood how mp3 worked
and criminalised it as a format (remember then, kids?), the BBC need to be <i>very</i> careful here. It’s a no-brainer that <i><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/the-evil-of-daleks.html" target="_blank">The Evil of the Daleks</a> </i>and then <i><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/mission-to-unknown.html" target="_blank">Mission to the Unknown</a></i>/<i><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/mission-to-unknown.html" target="_blank">The Daleks’ Master Plan</a></i> are the next in line for production.
Both (yeah, yeah) stories have surviving episodes, which minimises the need
for animated episodes, and both feature Daleks – which, let’s be fair – and
Aaru never lie - are the main draw after the incumbent. The Daleks’ll be back next year – AsBill’s
intro presumably fulfilling the contractual obligations for 2016, we’ll see –
so that’d be the time to relaunch them.
Give Mr Chibnall’s run a boost/fighting chance/Open-Airing (delete
according to bias).<br />
<br />
The BBC then have the opportunity to flog a box-set containing <i>every</i> Dalek story. The DVD market-door’s closing, but folk out
there might be tempted. A download
bundle’s one thing<b><span style="color: lime;">6</span></b>, but <i>A</i> <i>Complete
Dalek Story Box-Set You Can Drive</i>? “Hey! This cash prints itself!”<b><span style="color: lime;">7</span></b><br />
<br />
Auntie’s not got long. The twenty
thousand <i>(cit. needed)</i> fanfolk she’s
been exploiting won’t wait around forever.
There’re good quality reconstructions in the wild, complete with artwork
that matches her own design better than she’s always managed. DVDs are already a desktop-publishing market,
and her market knows the production costs.<b><span style="color: lime;">8</span></b><br />
<br />
If, y’know, being all speculative, the Dalek stories sell, then…<i> </i>Well,
within a limited timeframe… There’s the
potential for half-a-century’s double-dipping.
Forget Dalek and Cybermen and Doctor- themed box-sets, forget even the
multiple season box-sets…<br />
<br />
You see where I’m going?<br />
<br />
The BBC’re currently running nostalgic reanimations of things they killed with
bricks. It’s desperate and sweaty, but
understandable. Imagine. <i>Just
imagine. </i>A <i>complete</i> Doctor Who Collection
box-set. It’s Auntie’s only reliable
brand.<b><span style="color: lime;">9</span></b> The potential’s incredible – for Humanity if
nothing else. Y’know, if Auntie doesn’t
go full-Dodgson.<b><span style="color: lime;">10</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>3.</b></span><span style="color: lime;"></span>
Other opinions are available.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>4.</b></span><span style="color: lime;"> </span>
Triple-bluff for balance there.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>5.</b></span><span style="color: lime;"></span>
Still, that’s showbiz.<b><span style="color: lime;">1</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;">6.</span></b><span style="color: lime;"></span> It’s, let’s be fair, the same as
taping an album for a friend/reading a magazine in Smiths/finding a VHS in the
street, and being charged full-price for the
experience<i> </i>.<b><span style="color: lime;">1</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;">7.</span></b><span style="color: lime;"></span> For Kroll’s sake, <i>don’t</i> throw in a ring modulator
though. If the peasants and livestock
see behind <i>that</i> particular curtain, the
outcry’ll be horrific. Thankfully, Equity
don’t seem to care. <br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>8.</b></span> If there’s an actual <i>proper</i> reason that <i>The Enemy
of the World</i> and <i>The Web of Fear</i>
cost so much to bring back to life there was nothing left in the budget for VAM,
then the BBC shouldn’t shy from explaining <i>what</i>
that reason was – <i>when</i> they can. Barring the Destruction of Humanity, I can
see this story running for a while yet.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>9.</b>
</span>BC.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>10.</b></span><span style="color: lime;"></span>
She will, just you wait. I’ve presented a potential business model for
the brand<b><span style="color: lime;">11</span></b> that emphasises
integrity and longevity in the long-term (I doubt I’m the first). <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/torchwood-return-certain-egos-john-barrowman-doctor-who-a7235671.html" target="_blank">This isn’t a Barrowmenesque rejection of the facts.</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuaK9hbFiCI" target="_blank">Torchwood</a>: <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/doctor-who-and-melting-internet.html" target="_blank">the ship that sank itself</a>. Hopefully Class’ll do better. After all, it only exists to keep BBC 3 viable,
and surely it can’t get that wrong…<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>11.</b></span><span style="color: lime;"></span>
Ych y fi</span><br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-73862146634139438252016-08-18T18:05:00.000+01:002016-08-19T11:50:55.634+01:00Hicks in the City XII<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3RH7WnyYGqS4z6FJP_wp4dpvizBGKtLheQRjs6t1VJUXwW9XE2VyI3f_oJcaMdaDJOUJT6fyn4uI0AKEIFyxOxN6LNJlYnBmu_Yfs-g_p8zuzgKo-5uBhrX44mTHNUwA5zmefn7Ld5tA/s1600/Hicks+In+The+City+XII.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3RH7WnyYGqS4z6FJP_wp4dpvizBGKtLheQRjs6t1VJUXwW9XE2VyI3f_oJcaMdaDJOUJT6fyn4uI0AKEIFyxOxN6LNJlYnBmu_Yfs-g_p8zuzgKo-5uBhrX44mTHNUwA5zmefn7Ld5tA/s400/Hicks+In+The+City+XII.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"><i>We shall see that at which dogs howl in
the dark, and that at which cats prick up their ears after midnight.</i><br />
<b>- H. P. Lovecraft</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB">Or:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"><i>All rationalism tends to minimalise the
value and the importance of life and to decrease the sum total of human
happiness.</i><br />
<b>- H. P. Lovecraft</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB">Or (if you want to be all obvious about
it):<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<i><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</i></span></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"><i>As a baby, Shakespeare showed few signs
of becoming the most significant figure in literary history, so nobody bothered
noting down the details of his life.</i><br />
<b>- P. Cunk</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"><b></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAtPH5lKGWNIybJBym3YGu9Cyw_5vDGk8P5-sJTUNalqE80WyuQqQ_LNKafEkX29pzQAx4PAISDghiEAOEDLqqrir172122oJxtwlGFWM-a1vDZFEix1F6wpDvb4m1sd-NUM6Uc8lwERo/s1600/Balloon.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAtPH5lKGWNIybJBym3YGu9Cyw_5vDGk8P5-sJTUNalqE80WyuQqQ_LNKafEkX29pzQAx4PAISDghiEAOEDLqqrir172122oJxtwlGFWM-a1vDZFEix1F6wpDvb4m1sd-NUM6Uc8lwERo/s400/Balloon.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN-GB"><b></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB"><i>The Him’s making a noise.</i><b><br /><br />The Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b>
</span>Frrrrmththththththtrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpfffffssssssss...<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think that a slow puncture
counts as a spirit animal.<br /><br />
<i>The membranous noise continues.</i><br /><br /><b>
Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Satisfied sea lion?<br /><br />
<b>The Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Hrrrrrmphhhhhhhhhflfffflf...<br /><br />
<b>Mystery Voice:</b></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sounds like a bear lying down and
being quite happy about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it a sea badger?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>I don’t know, but it’s getting
really difficult to do.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah,okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, we did our annual pilgrimage to Edinburgh
to see the Socks, amongst other things-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yes.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>- and this year, you got to come
along with me and the Mystery Voice and see some other acts.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yes.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b></span>Did you enjoy that?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>I dunno.<br /><br />
<b>Mystery Voice:</b></span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="143" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidAC-WerjvzT587-8XMJiRhyphenhyphenLg3mJTJU3_3v_JpvVLbuBwvk-end94gzBj2HyzXVlE4Wt9KmQqGQ70vHA3Skcf1w7SrUgt-PDtfCF23TrK-q7UL37Ab0ifr-ueC9_sCMtwv0b3sZ_i_d4/s400/Oh%252C+Hi+Denny.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>"Oh hi, Denny."</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidAC-WerjvzT587-8XMJiRhyphenhyphenLg3mJTJU3_3v_JpvVLbuBwvk-end94gzBj2HyzXVlE4Wt9KmQqGQ70vHA3Skcf1w7SrUgt-PDtfCF23TrK-q7UL37Ab0ifr-ueC9_sCMtwv0b3sZ_i_d4/s1600/Oh%252C+Hi+Denny.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Different experience to usual?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>It was certainly a different
experience to usual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It involved two
trips to Edinburgh.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>In a helicopter.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Sure.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Hmm?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Sure.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>We always go in a helicopter.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Do we?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yes, you spoon.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I don’t remember that part of the
continuity.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>We went in a helicopter <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/holiday-special-hicks-in-city-xi.html" target="_blank">last year</a> as
well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You were mostly asleep.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I don’t remember that part of the
continuity <i>at all</i>, but if you want to keep track of it…<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b>Well, someone’s got to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s all in
m’head.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>That’s true.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span><i>Everything’s</i> in your head.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along with your, ummm…<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Along with <i>me</i>.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re<i> not </i>imaginary.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I am.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>No more than this sea badger
is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, it’s imaginary at the moment,
but not for long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">.. </span>Right!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who did we see first?<br /><br />
<b>Mystery Voice:</b></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Well, that’s up to you.<br /> </span><br />
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>We saw Stewart Lee first.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>It was a smaller venue than we saw
him in last year, and it was a work in progress.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I wasn’t there last
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kind of was, because I <i>am </i>you,
but…<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah, so…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actually…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Apart from the Pun Run last year, that was the first – ah, no it’s
not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Socks’re comedy…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was more traditional stand-up.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>What were you going to class the
Socks as, if not comedy?<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>They’re not stand-up though…<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>The Clocks!<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Scottish Falsetto Clock Puppet
Theatre!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know how that would
work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve done enough on clocks
recently what with <i>Watchmen</i> and <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2016/08/suicide-squad-review.html" target="_blank"><i>Suicide Squad</i> </a>and-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Oh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not <i>that</i> again!<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>So, Stewart Lee…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve seen the <i>Comedy Vehicle</i>.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the <i>Comedy Vehicle</i> was <i>too</i> good and <i>too</i>
many people were watching it.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>So the BBC killed it?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To see where all these golden eggs
were coming from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was more of a
traditional show that he did.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>That’s definitely something <i>you’ve</i>
said.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>We had great seats for that
show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were right at the front and-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We <i>weren’t</i> right at the front.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Well, tucked up to the side.<br /><br />
<b>Him:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>There’s such a thing as being <i>too
close</i> to Stewart Lee.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What, on the stage?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Close enough
that he can steal your pint?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>The seats up front <i>were </i>on the
stage!<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>They’re <i>always</i> like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s totally different to a music gig where
you’ve got-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I’d have felt a bit threatened
being <i>that</i> close to Stewart Lee.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>-burly people in tight t-shirts,
hearing voices in their ears and stopping the great unwashed getting too close
to the gods of the stage…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, I
thought it was really good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked
like he was enjoying himself.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>And the drinks!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The drinks were in glass!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Glasses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Glasses made of glass.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which isn't something you get in a music
venue, either.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>No.<br /><br />
<b>Mystery Voice:</b></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>And</i>
you be- you met him.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I don’t remember betting him.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You bet you could make a horror movie, and
then next thing you know: <i>Manos</i>.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>'Mangoes'</i>.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <i> '</i></span><i>Cans of Fruit'.</i><br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>My rendition of <i>Manos</i> would be
swell.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>How would it go?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>It would star me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, it would be <i>Manos</i>, but with me.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Would you do <i>all </i>the parts?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>How would you do Torgo?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Um…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Carefully.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Give me an example.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Oh, you want to hear some of the
lines?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I’ve been doing some of the
motions there for a little bit.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah, but that doesn’t really help
people who are reading this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean even
digital-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As interactive as this is, and
it <i>is</i> ergodic literature, you’ve still got to-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Hang on, this is being typed up,
isn’t it?<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>So it doesn’t matter.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i>This</i> is how I would do Torgo.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>You’re not going to make an
effort and put on a voice?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I <i>did </i>put on a voice.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>You <i>never</i> put on a voice!<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>I <i>did</i> put on a voice!<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>You<i> always </i>do it in your own voice. Even when I complain, “Do the voice!” you never do!<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I just<i> did </i>do a voice!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did the Torgo voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was about as Torgo as it gets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m <i>still</i> doing it now.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>But that’s the way you <i>always</i> talk.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>No, it’s not.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Wait a minute…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you… Torgo?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, who did we see second?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Well, it wasn’t Torgo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>It wasn’t Torgo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was Katherine Ryan.<br /><br />
<b>Mystery Voice:</b></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I think we spent too long talking
about Torgo actually, given that he has absolutely nothing to do with the
situation at hand.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>It’s fine.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b></span>Alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, Katherine Ryan.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Uh huh.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Did you enjoy yourself?<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I thought it was great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like I said, her star’s been in the ascendancy ever since I held her baby…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In a tiny oven, about two years ago, with the Mystery Voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were in the front row for that one
and…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah…<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>You should stop – y’know – <i>stalking
</i>Katherine Ryan.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I’m <i>not</i> stalking Katherine
Ryan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We just go and see her show and
give her money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not the same as
<i>stalking </i>somebody.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>You do like her though.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s because she’s really
good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s excellent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So confident.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You had an interesting moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You got missed in the Audience Participation round-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>That’s because no-one can see me
but <i>you</i>.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She asked me how I was doing.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah, and you said you were
‘bettering up’.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I said I was<i> bearing</i> up, but she
couldn’t hear what I was saying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
became quite conscious that I was accidentally derailing the gig and…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should just’ve said…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“My leg’s fallen off,” or something.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Am fine.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Am fine’?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b></span>Am fine.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>That sounds like someone that would
write romance novels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actually…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t <i>Anne</i> Fine a writer?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>You would know that.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>And the, after the gig – which was
great – we malingered around outside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
hung round in the rain, and then she came out.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About half an hour after everyone else had
left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’d seen us and was, like, “Sigh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s just get this over with.”<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wasn’t at all like that!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was lovely.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>She waited as long as she could,
but we just weren’t leaving.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>She gave me a hug.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yes.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>And we got a photo that no-one’ll
ever see.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b></span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That even <i>you</i> will never see.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b></span>She signed your ticket too.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>I don’t know where you put that.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>It’s just above this section in the
blog.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Okay.<br /><br />
<b>Mystery Voice:</b></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b><br /></b><b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, the second day…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the morning we went into the Arctic and
had a look around, and then late afternoon we headed up to see the Socks.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yes.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>That was… So, what was the theme of
the Socks this year?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Why…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why did you look at the ceiling when you
asked that?<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I dunno.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I might’ve been having a stroke-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was confusing.<br /><b><br />
Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Exactly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everything went a bit swimmy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yeah, so… Erm…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, what was the
theme of the Socks show, this year?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was Shakespeare.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>And was it good?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Was it very good?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you going to give your thoughts
on any of these or are you just going to ask me repeated…?<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll stick them in at the bottom.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span><b> </b></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Repeated questions.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>I’ll stick them in at the bottom.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b></span>You can say that all you like.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah, but it won’t make for a very
interesting read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was great, wasn’t
it?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First of all you go through and pretend
you’re talking to someone else so you can write up your reactions-<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Then, <i>afterwards</i>, you write up your
reactions.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One day, I’ll have a syndrome named after
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve written over a quarter of a million
words on this blog.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Do you…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>even need to pretend that you’re talking to
anyone else?<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Doing your voice hurts my
throat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And makes me sneeze.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>It just makes you look insane.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you know what the really difficult bit is?<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b></span>What?<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>You have to use the second set of
vocal cords for doing – when you do throat singing, you access your second
cords.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the only way I can do the
moments we talk across each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Using
the two voices at the same time is very, very difficult.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>But…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re typing this up.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I know.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>And we’re not talking across each
other.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>No, but-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Because there’s no way to type
that.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>No, but I have to do it in such a
way that it sounds like two people speaking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was great, the Socks’ show was great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And afterwards, their manager – the wonderful Kev Sutherland-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Yis.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>- took us for drinks.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Well, he took <i>you</i> for drinks.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>That’s true.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Because <i>I’m</i> not real.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Ethereal beings don’t need to
drink.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<b>Mystery Voice:</b> <br /><br /><b>
Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s true!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Mystery Voice got orange juice-<br /><br />
<b>Mystery Voice: </b></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Yas.<br /><br /><b>
Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got my sparkling water, and I had
to go up and pour yours into plastic glasses from the water jug on the bar and
put them in the space where you’d be sitting if you existed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mr Sutherland was really good though and didn’t mention
it once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a good natter about
things and stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought it was
great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The show was…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The show was more <i>together</i> than last
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You laughed a <i>lot</i>.<br /><br /><b>
Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, it was good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was <i>very</i> good.<b> </b></span><br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Me:</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hell of a lot of work’s gone into
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of it’s incredibly clever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right, after that we kind of squared-off a
circle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t part of the Fringe
‘review’, but we went to see <i>Finding Dory</i>.<br /><br /><b>
Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was <i>not</i> at the Edinburgh
Fringe.<br /><br /><b>
Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think we should mention it because…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’d like to capture your thoughts in this sort-of digital amber.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we came out of it – because we stayed
right to the end – it felt…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To me it
felt as though it really – and not all sequels do it – it felt like an incredibly
well-crafted conclusion to the story begun in <i>Finding Nemo</i>.<br /><br /><b>
Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like the second <i>Godfather</i> film?<br /><br /><b>
Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It dovetailed together so well .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lot of care and love and effort-<br /><br /><b>
Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s why it’s taken so long.<br /><br /><b>
Me:</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hasn’t been churned out a year
after the original film came out.<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>You said something interesting about
the theme of it.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Did I?<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b></span>You did.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Well, I can’t wait to hear what
<i>that</i> was.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The way it addressed mental
illness.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b></span>Oh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That was <i>you</i>, but…<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>And how the first one’s about
parents and <i>Finding Dory</i>’s about-<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>I feel really sorry for anyone
who’s not seen it and’s reading this, thinking, “Oh, the Edinburgh Fringe and –
what’s <i>this?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Endless, endless spoilers!”<br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>We haven’t really said anything
spoilery.<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Oh, I dunno.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You <i>named</i> it.<br /><br />
<b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>That 'Boy With the Tail' ad at the
start was a bit…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, <a href="https://twitter.com/TheMeandTheHim/status/764576065452929024" target="_blank">we tweeted about that</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was it you said?<br /><br />
<b>Him: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>At the start I made up a joke about
seeing someone escape from a van and, only after the film did I realise there
was a better joke to be had, in that they’d been advertising fish fingers before
a film about sentient fish. <br /><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was<i> really </i>harsh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If you’ve
enjoyed this film, why not eat the cast?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There’s a restaurant only fifteen yards from this cinema.”<br /><br />
<b>Him:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b> </b> </span>Ha!<br /><br />
<b>Mystery Voice:</b> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJXuXImspwbuZ7FeGyfopvaX9zywB5XYhhdBRhu2CBb9dAyMs2DoHr2kFsWdU3o_PDgrWjkugq4-MyIJLDpVMoY1wgeYUlQPwNohpAErSnhbCQzaXPJlk_w0oOuzuhfeD_smHZvSZa2c/s1600/The+Authors.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJXuXImspwbuZ7FeGyfopvaX9zywB5XYhhdBRhu2CBb9dAyMs2DoHr2kFsWdU3o_PDgrWjkugq4-MyIJLDpVMoY1wgeYUlQPwNohpAErSnhbCQzaXPJlk_w0oOuzuhfeD_smHZvSZa2c/s400/The+Authors.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<b>Me:</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b></b> </span>Right, we better wrap up there,
so…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll explain why the square’s a
circle and write up the other stuff underneath this…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you make the noise of a sea badger,
please?<br /><br />
<i>The Him makes the noise of a sea badger, using all his cords.</i></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Me: </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, on that bombshell…</span><br />
<i><span lang="EN-GB"></span></i><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><i><img border="0" height="93" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijlsFHMbTJkGaC3uumKx8k-IUV69r-pT1S807RFWJV2b0hRuPgVCL686aikaurGKdyEfV3rZKdwWt5crVNCGUt74SBKBqKCCMNEwtUis1we2LW61FSxk19HA4ffF84W8mzpk8yR8O6am4/s400/The%252BHim%2527s%252Ball-purpose%252BSocks%252Breview.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></i></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span lang="EN-GB"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></i><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i><span lang="EN-GB">The Him’s Socks Review.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a tradition, or an old charter or
something.</span></i></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: lime;">STICKING IT IN AT THE BOTTOM</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: x-small;">Or: <span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b>2</b></span></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /><span lang="EN-GB">
<b><span style="color: lime;">A CIRCLE SQUAR’D</span><span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">3</span></span></b></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
This is usually<a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/sockwatching-holiday-special-2014.html" target="_blank"> the section where I blather on with an actual ‘review’ of the shows we saw</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not going to do that this
year because, well, things change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
that’s okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s certainly nothing to
be scared of, to misquote Adam Ant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
There’s a mountain ledge in the Arctic’s Werewolf Country that’s clear of snow
this time of the year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s high enough
to allow you to look down on the clouds, but the road to the ledge
is often closed, even in ‘Summer’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The seasonal melt releases incredible amounts of water
to piss joyfully down the slopes, dislodging boulders that bounce like rolled
cheeses onto any vehicle unlucky enough to be grinding up the ascent at the
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I neglected to mention this might
be a factor to the Mystery Voice, which is mostly why he agreed to drive up
there in the first place.<br />
<br />
A lifetime ago I took the Him to see <i>Finding Nemo</i> at a cinema that doesn’t
exist anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure, but it
might well be the first time he’d even gone to the pictures.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>4</b></span></span><br />
<br />
We’d lost all coverage as the road started rising, so the Mystery
Voice had to rely on my directions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s
obviously braver than anyone realises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We reached
the ledge and parked up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Within seconds
of getting out, all of us were drenched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The ground falls away quickly there, thousands of steep feet lead to a plain sprinkled
with trainset-sized Christmas trees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All
the life-threatening torrents are distant enough to look like tears running down a wall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The further away
you are, the more real it feels; the way patterns naturally repeat becomes more
obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The air tastes white and the
border between the world below and the other one are thin enough for you to
feel fictional. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re prepared to
look, to <i>properly</i> look, then you can get a brief glimpse of how time works. <br />
<br />
They skinned the cinema first, exposing its concrete skeleton and hidden
chambers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Discarded slabs that used to
be walls were ground and smashed by bright yellow machines, until they were rendered
removable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The walls of a cinema hold
dreams and memories in the same way a mountain stores fossils.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But cash, like rust, doesn’t understand
sentimentality.<br />
<br />
There are tributes scattered around the ledge, looking into the valley and the
clouds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flowers, bleached cards, metal
plaques: all of them <i>mementos mori</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
dead see things differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
The Him and myself watched <i>Finding Dory</i> in Europe's tallest car park disguised as a
cinema.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The film itself is
stunning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Individual grains of sand fall
and clump, foam foams, scales sheen, all of it a tribute to Moore’s Law.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s something else though, something
lurking inbetween the callous certainty of cold binary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like a ghost, but ghosts aren’t
real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Turing Test misses the same,
most obvious, test of what it is to be human, that English exams do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Y’see, there’s <i>no<span id="transmark" style="display: none; height: 0px; width: 0px;"></span></i> difference between low art
and high art, and there never was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Art
isn’t objective, agendas are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does it
move you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does it make you feel?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does it tell you something about
yourself?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not enough to know <i>how</i> it
was made, or even <i>why</i> it was made – those explanations are almost always
wrong anyway – the only thing that matters is that it’s<i> there</i>, and that encountering
it changes something in the you that lives behind your eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shifts it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe only momentarily, maybe for the rest of
your life – avalanches gotta start somewhere, after all – but there’s a reaction
to it that takes place on an <i>animal</i> level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s all that <i>matters</i>. That’s all that <i>counts</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br />
<br />
After twenty minutes there were still no werewolves, so we got back in the car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The creatures we used to be watched us turn
back onto the shrinking ribbon and head downhill, growing steadily less
distinct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eventually we vanished into
the cloud and they went home.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv6-qOOC-C4pe4eL87MM2iDLeu5QqRVGUdVkK5jCBmoWFzoYJteM8e4hDG_b2ic-tp4ZCr_TUmchDTDJD0hyDE0woDhBgOH5z3CjVkLjybKwNDZS03sE4oR0v_VO4y5gGWmSxqskuqRJw/s1600/Werewolf+Country.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv6-qOOC-C4pe4eL87MM2iDLeu5QqRVGUdVkK5jCBmoWFzoYJteM8e4hDG_b2ic-tp4ZCr_TUmchDTDJD0hyDE0woDhBgOH5z3CjVkLjybKwNDZS03sE4oR0v_VO4y5gGWmSxqskuqRJw/s400/Werewolf+Country.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="color: lime;"></span> </span>You pays yer money, you takes yer
choice.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>3.</b></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="color: lime;"> </span> </span>Arf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just kidding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d only type
something like that if I was passing myself off a ‘professional writer’,
darling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>4.</b></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="color: lime;"></span> </span>It definitely wasn’t the first film
he saw though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was <i>The Wolf Man</i>,
which remains one of the few watchable films set in Wales.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Certainly the best one with a werewolf in it.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-34474864231471654122016-08-11T14:09:00.000+01:002016-08-13T11:02:54.889+01:00Suicide Squad 'review'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyBwJB0p2w97Mnre8C18cPw9mRclBrFCrGNWpGJaIMJE-6tgGtTiSnkqR0HUIe_GF4CJEMMFBsx6dZqBjK2SkNHPs6lYPI-QURJBSS_LGZvpPNoQctC_4HqHOPsavMi4l0uCgmOx838Yw/s1600/Suicide+Squad.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="387" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyBwJB0p2w97Mnre8C18cPw9mRclBrFCrGNWpGJaIMJE-6tgGtTiSnkqR0HUIe_GF4CJEMMFBsx6dZqBjK2SkNHPs6lYPI-QURJBSS_LGZvpPNoQctC_4HqHOPsavMi4l0uCgmOx838Yw/s400/Suicide+Squad.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"><i>Dad was much more… witty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Umm…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
remember watching a particularly inane dance routine with him on television
once, and he turned to me and said, “I don’t think this will ever replace
entertainment."</i><br />
<b>- John Cleese, <i>Monty Python: Almost the Truth (The Lawyer’s Cut)</i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"><i>That American optimism... I think it
does speak to, now that we’re a global family, what it means to police the
world and how hard that is.</i><br />
<b><a href="http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/zack-snyder/39428/zack-snyder-interview-batman-v-superman" target="_blank"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">- Zack Snyder</span></a></b><br /><br /><i>An eternal story of love and loss, set
against the backdrop of an abortive alien invasion. Though you don’t actually
find out it’s abortive till the end of the show. <br />It’s my </i>Romeo and Juliet<i>. <br />But
less whiny.</i></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB">
<b>- Garth Marenghi</b></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB">
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB">Let’s start with some basics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />Comics are a medium and superheroes are a genre <i>within</i> that
medium.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A genre aimed at children. Specifically, <i>American</i> children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During
the period that folk in the UK are currently lucky enough to think of as 'post-War',
there’s been some clever cultural sleight-of-hand blurring those
basics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s far from the worst of
it.<br />
<br />
Work-made-for-hire is a concept that consumers seem happy to ignore when
nostalgia’s involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I were to
compare Marvel and DC to Burger King and McDonalds, it might seem an irrelevant
stretch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stick with it though, because
by the time I <i>do</i> make that comparison, many people reading this will already be
so annoyed they might miss the opportunity to become further enraged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
This may sting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ready?<br />
<br />
DC need <i>Suicide Squad</i> to be a financial success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s essential to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or rather, it <i>was</i>, because at the time of typing it’s
already obvious that, despite an exceptional opening weekend, this film’s going
to die on its arse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, before going
any further, let’s make it very clear that when the covering of backsides and
throwing of blame <i>really</i> gets going, DC will forget that there's absolutely
nobody responsible for the critical and financial kicking other than
<i>themselves</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Suicide Squad</i>, like <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/batman-v-superman-review.html" target="_blank"><i>Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Team America</i></a> (and <i>FANT4STIC</i> before that) are <i>exactly</i> the movies that they <i>wanted</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The buck stops
with them.<br />
<br />You’ve read this far, so I’ll stop teasing you by telling you the result up
front and then showing my working afterwards: <i>Suicide Squad</i> is not <i>just</i> a terrible film, it’s also an extremely scary
one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br /><i>Suicide Squad</i> is a mash-up of two different edits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The first is the film that director David Ayer turned in<i> </i>(this edit has
an orchestral soundtrack), the second is the remix that the folk who spliced the
trailers together came up with (this is the edit that sounds like someone forgot to remove the temp score). The final cut-and-shut currently stinking up flea-pits all over the world (with the exception of most
of Mexico and all of China, who saw this faecal tsunami coming) has been welded together by DC’s accountants, and they've produced a disastrous pile-up, lacking the integrity of even <i>Alien Vs Predator</i>.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<i>Suicide Squad</i> contains no thrills, no laughs, no engagement, no jeopardy, no
surprises and, most damning of all, no soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i>Manos: The Hands of Fate</i> is often cited as one of the worst films of all
time, but if you ignore its technical deficiencies, <i>Manos</i> is a far superior film to <i>Suicide Squad</i>
because its intentions were at least honourable: director/producer/writer/actor
Harold P. Warren bet he could make a horror film by himself, and he did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only that, <i>Manos</i> was, and is,
an entertaining film, although probably not for the reasons Warren intended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Suicide Squad</i> might have
one or two good shots and - mostly - competent acting (Will Smith's performance as Will Smith in the Will Smith role ticks all the Will Smith boxes; Margot Robbie cheekily sneaks character moments past all the editors), but it would still be a colossal
disservice to accuse it of being entertaining.<br /><br />Of course, despite what I'm about to type, many people will enjoy <i>Suicide Squad </i>for many different reasons, and more power to them. To drag out the emaciated cliche, "It'd be a dull world if we all liked the same things." Of course, having said that...<br />
<br />
Someone in Hollywood’s fed all those huckstering How-To-Write-An-Accountant-Moistening-Movie-Script books into a Transformer, and <i>Suicide Squad</i> is the soulless, cliché-recipe subsequently squeezed out through the machine's inky printer-sphincter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Make no mistake, you’ve seen <i>all</i> of this before: for a start, the whole final act's from 1984’s <i>Ghostbusters</i>.<br />
<br />
There was a joke doing the rounds when <i>The Sopranos</i> was about to cut to black for the last time: any recap of the preceding episodes would need to be days long, in order
to bring a casual viewer up to speed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Suicide Squad</i> feels like that’s actually happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In their greedy rush to catch up with the franchises they scavenge behind, DC’ve compressed so many characters, backstories and events
together it plays more like a ‘Previously…
on <i>Suicide Squad</i>’, than a coherent narrative. <br />
<br />
The team who made <i>Suicide Squad</i>'s trailers have been cursed by their success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sections they’ve been tasked with
‘enhancing’ are, in long-form, clumsy and ludicrous. Anyone unlucky enough to’ve experienced
the Michael Bay produced ‘reboot’ of <i>The Hitcher</i> should start feeling uncomfortable
right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, the use of familiar songs is
cynical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some cigar-chomping mogul
noticed that the Bohemian Rhapsody promos were getting better reviews than <i>Batman v Superman</i>, and decided it must be the music that was responsible. Simple. Add more tunes the peasants
and livestock’ll recognise and the money’ll print itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The songs in <i>Suicide Squad</i> are even more misjudged than each contractually-obligated Piece for the Proms Murray Gold gets to
emit every year <i>Doctor Who</i>’s on the TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s no artistry to the choices,
which is <i>why</i> they sound like a temp score.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Speaking of desperately rolling turds in glitter. I’m willing to bet someone
else’s money that I can identify <i>every</i> scene recorded during the infamous, and
very expensive, reshoots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the Bar Scene for a start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Touted as something that’ll
astound, it’s <i>exactly</i> what a script-squirting algorithm would
think of as ‘character moments’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To paraphrase
Alan Moore’s glorious <i>D.R. & Quinch</i>, “<i>scar tissue</i> adds character, man.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Ah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alan Moore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hairy, snake-worshipping magician in the
room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, let’s talk about Alan Moore shall
we?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially as, despite attempts to hide
the evidence by throwing reshoots over it, Zack Snyder’s involvement in this
film is still honkingly obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I don't just mean the scene he directed. Or the massive smiley badge filling the screen at one point. (To be fair to Snyder, the badge is only <i>really</i> there as a greasy, 'Funk you, you funking hippie!' from DC.)<br />
<br />The decision to use Zack Snyder as DC's 'through-vision' to success was
obviously going to result in a mess like this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Anyone who understands how comics work could it see it coming as soon as Snyder disgraced himself all over <i>Watchmen</i>, an adaptation that simply revealed that he didn’t
have a clue what the damn thing was about, but just thought it looked cool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Snyder’s vision is limited solely by his
inability to understand that all those words in comics are there for a reason, and are often <i>just</i> as important as the
art (no matter <i>how</i> cool that art may be). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alan
Moore has apologised more than enough, even though it’s not <i>his</i> fault, for <i>Watchmen'</i>s legacy. The work's been enthusiastically misinterpreted for decades by folk who got trapped in the
surface. <i>Watchmen</i>'s beautiful narrative structures - the illusions and allusions, reflections and reversions, all designed to highlight effects <i>only </i>available
in the comics medium - were largely ignored by the next generation of Hot Artists. Like mosquitoes staring through the glass face of a watch, </span><span lang="EN-GB"><span lang="EN-GB">unable to comprehend the hidden interacting layers of careful precision implied, and rubbing themselves to mimic ticking</span>, the deconstructive aspects of <i>Watchmen</i>, </span><span lang="EN-GB">itself based on a satire of superheroes from the Fifties,<span style="color: lime;"><b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">2</span> </b></span></span><span lang="EN-GB"> were decoded as: TITS! GUTS! GUNS! VIOLENCE! RUDE WORDS! POUCHES!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These artists (and writers) completely failed to understand that the work they worshiped was showing that ridiculous children’s characters would fit no more
comfortably into a complex, consensual reality with consequences,than an enraged bear would remain quietly in its seat during a film premiere. <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/twilight-of-superhero.html" target="_blank">I’ve discussed this at tedious length before</a>,
so at this point we should return to why <i>Suicide Squad</i>'s scary.<br />
<br />
<i>Suicide Squad</i> feels like a music video.<b><span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">3</span></span></b> <i> </i>It <i>also</i> feels like
watching someone else play a video game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The structure, such as it is, acts like a set up for each new level. The dialogue does nothing more than explain to the audience what they’re about to see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Characters are introduced
as though they can be upgraded later; more than one feels as though they’ve
been unlocked after the completion of a level, turning up out of nowhere,
solely to fulfill an obvious plot function in the almost-totally-CGI climactic
battle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps it’s been based on the
<i>Arkham</i> series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ultimately though, who cares?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
To touch on the Intellectual Properties briefly (it hardly seems fair to dignify them
with the term ‘characters’ as they’re only there to shift t-shirts), some
mention should be made as to how <i>repugnant</i> they all are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, <i>even</i> Will Smith (whose orthodontist deserves his own credit).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why are the audience supposed to sympathise with these
scumbags again?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The female characters
are also dealt a particularly unpleasant hand, from Amanda Exposition to the
gratuitous ogling over the other three.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe I’m getting old, but it seems there’s a far finer dividing line
between empowerment and misogyny than I’d previously realised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living, as I do, in a country that has a
mature attitude to guns, the scenes of firepower porn’re just tedious, for reasons we’ve not quite reached yet.<br />
<br />
In fairness to Jared Leto, he manages to achieve something that no
other actor playing the Joker has <i>ever</i> nailed, by delivering, hands-down, the
<i>worst-ever</i> interpretation of the Clown Prince of Crime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deleted
scenes (and probably illegal 'gifts' to fellow performers) be damned, <i>this</i> children's entertainer can’t hold a
lubricated candle to even Caesar Romero, an actor who felt so little respect for the character of the Joker that he refused to shave
his moustache off for filming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The abusive
relationship between the Joker and Harley Quinn <i>could</i> be played as something
complex, but that’s not what we’re here for, so what we get is stupid, ignorant and astounding
that it made it to the screen, especially when Cap'n Boomerang’s rumoured bigotry doesn’t seem to've.<br />
<br />
America is a young country, it doesn’t have legends. The upcoming <i>American Gods</i> adaptation will probably address both those points.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A culture's popular entertainment reveals a huge amount about what’s going
on behind the curtains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Suicide Squad</i>, unfortunately, seems to be an
accurate, if broad-sweeping, portrayal of America itself: </span><span lang="EN-GB">dressing children’s
characters in adult themes and pretending that this makes them edgy and grown-up</span><span lang="EN-GB">; mistaking
money, shimmer, glimmer, glam and bling for talent and worth; believing that violence is the only answer. Might makes right, motherfunker. Whether it's ignorance or, more likely, immaturity that causes the
confusion of weaponry and the basic mammalian reproductive drive doesn't really matter. Immaturity seems more likely, because
of America's odd inability to have an adult conversation about the mechanical action
that, whether they like it or not, manufactured <i>everyone</i> living there. Humans aren't miracles, not even <i>Fox News</i> viewers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />Even <i>more</i> troubling is Snyder’s Justice Team America crusade, apparently adopted as a deliberate echo of his country’s
attitude to the rest of the species clinging to this rock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In Snyder/DC's films, America represents the sole defence against the threatening, faceless
hordes of the Other. Only <i>their</i> might can make it right, everyone else being too lazy, stupid or weak to rise to the challenge. To quote Ms Quinn, they/we're all "pussies".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s no nuance here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are absolutes that religious
fundamentalists wouldn’t have to make a huge leap to identify with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Suicide Squad</i> is shallow propaganda. <i>That’s</i> what makes it scary.<br />
<br />
Marvel are basically a Burger King variation, DC're the Hamburglar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both have almost identical menus with enough variations in decor, costumes and vegetarian options to differentiate who you're giving money to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Work-made-for-hire is like employing a chef who’s achieved a reputation elsewhere to offer their
own spin on a Whopper or a Big Mac or a superhero (calling them ‘metahumans’
ain’t fooling no-one).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once the company've received this critical darling's new recipe they offer a taste of it to the peasants and livestock to see how it
tests.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When those results come back the recipe's altered according to more closely suit the test audience's tastes, creating a hybrid that nobody really wants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />The talent, if it knows what's good for it, keeps its mouth shut, does what the contract states, kisses the ring and takes the cash. As we’ve seen recently, we don't need no ‘experts’ no more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Pol Pot wasn’t keen on 'experts' either, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr6NOsluHYg" target="_blank">let’s not forget</a> that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
America’s legends are franchised children’s heroes, just as their exported restaurants
are franchised chains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both are fast,
memetic, market-driven and disposable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ultimately, both are junk food. Fun, filling, comfortingly predictable, but also nutritionally basic, unhealthy and potentially lethal as an exclusive diet. <br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I'm afraid of Americans.</i><br /><b>- <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7APmRkatEU" target="_blank">David Bowie</a></b></div>
<span lang="EN-GB"> </span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /><span lang="EN-GB">
</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"><b><span style="color: lime;">TL; DR:</span></b> <i><br /><b>Stupid Shite Plod:</b> Too Many
Accountants Spoil The Big Mac</i></span></div>
<span lang="EN-GB"></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /><span style="color: lime; font-size: x-small;"><b>1.</b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Only the <i>first</i> one, to be fair.<br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b></span> As usual, Mr Moore's Scottish Tribute Act's mistaken on this point (just like he was with the ending of <i>The Killing Joke</i>)<i></i>.<br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>3.</b></span> In fairness I typed this before <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/die-antwoord-accuse-suicide-squad-of-stealing-their-style-post-video-of-evidence-a7182711.html" target="_blank">Die Antwoord's accusations</a> made the news. Freeky. Die Antwoord've been creating some complex, intriguing, brave, powerful and important art (yes, it is) for years now. Their accusations don't exactly damage any of my observations about <i>Watchmen </i>either.<b><span style="color: lime;">4</span></b><br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>4.</b></span> Die Antwoord understand how to read comics. The journey from Max Normal to Zef makes perfect sense.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-4851474733730814992016-06-28T23:00:00.000+01:002016-06-29T09:55:51.559+01:00#HullComicCon2016<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWsNmwuTfwMoBDNa0x_I084IdTUOASJLeFkZWwH1T-rypH-Xh5cHzzF1excaa0gPh55FrQvMEmqHR-TKF9NAa24jxuRLXxWETRTLu8ny9nv9iF_uzjSCqCgd1HWpwGKtJsi71Xl1Lhbsc/s1600/Hull+Comic+Con+2016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWsNmwuTfwMoBDNa0x_I084IdTUOASJLeFkZWwH1T-rypH-Xh5cHzzF1excaa0gPh55FrQvMEmqHR-TKF9NAa24jxuRLXxWETRTLu8ny9nv9iF_uzjSCqCgd1HWpwGKtJsi71Xl1Lhbsc/s640/Hull+Comic+Con+2016.jpg" width="480" /></a></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">- Oscar Wilde</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Philip Larkin stuck it out
in a library in Hull.</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">- Nick Cave</b><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB"><br />
Me</span></b><span lang="EN-GB">:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, what
did you think of Hull?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hull.</span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWIxyxGIvhxsSZMFRqY_WchXqjVohv9rGQYJbLgCpUmPuU0LbvOPCyuCuc7It5dUy6RP0ReDDUNhA3rt9Srgc12pKh7Ek374-S5OWwpMzyWvOlgfww91WXaCz_MCraiTx7x7vlXY_Cnj4/s320/The+Authors.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="240" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The authors.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:
</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hull.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>City of Culture 2017.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:
</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Indeed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the middle of the
countryside.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kind of…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only discovered twenty years
ago.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s everywhere cursed in
America, isn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Haunted American
mansions…</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Why, that must’ve been over
twenty years ago.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We were at the <a href="http://www.hullcomiccon.com/" target="_blank">Hull Comic Con 2016</a>-</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not the 2017 one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, not yet, ‘cause that
whole time machine experiment’s not working out for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did you enjoy it?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">The
Him makes a small sound.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to write it
properly in the bit underneath all this.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understand.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was your favourite part
of the day?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">The
Him makes another small sound and then appears to stop working.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Welcome return for the Sea
Badger there.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your</i> favourite part of the day?<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">1</span></span></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing you enjoying <a href="http://www.normanlovett.co.uk/" target="_blank">Norman Lovett</a> so much, I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really
enjoyed the <a href="http://www.rabid.oneuk.com/" target="_blank">Russell Payne</a> talk about
Jack Kirby-</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:
</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought that was really
good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I enjoyed the Doctor Who Comics
panel too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had fun with that one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did you? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was weird because you
looked visibly distressed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did I?</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUZhGf4DUDDqUbDBU1ymyrXB_PTjm3LYpsW34bzjl7DK_eYjRa2fbwp3Yxm6Vvohwn1rXDpOqHRGRZApbtDsn0Oo_RKnl-pUOOwYPLgSECuQ3Wwqmt6okCJ1_XFQLiTwgX-m90NfUvirc/s320/Me+by+Him+1.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="151" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Me by Him.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got accused of being a
rock star.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">2</span></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because you couldn’t hold the mic properly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the way I used to
hold a mic.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Doesn’t surprise me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem was the
substantial height difference between myself and one of the guests.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you wish you were a rock
star?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then you could’ve just
written a song instead of doing this recording.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, someone has suggested
that I should’ve opened with a song that we used to do, just to warm the
audience up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if an acapella
version of Eating People is Wrong<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">3</span></span></b>
would-</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would’ve walked out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:
</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course
you would’ve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You enjoyed Norman Lovett,
I think that’s fair to say? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think you enjoyed all of it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought <a href="http://www.fisherbecker.info/" target="_blank">Simon Fisher-Becker</a>’s talk was
extremely entertaining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really want to
see that again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, due to
the sound problems I couldn’t quite hear everything, but that wasn’t anyone’s
fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just one of those things.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was because of the bar.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, the performances were
taking place in the same room as the main bar area.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s just asking for
trouble.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, it’s going to happen
isn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s not much you can do
about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The organisation was excellent
and we should do a big shout out to <a href="http://district14.co.uk/" target="_blank">District 14</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They did a fantastic
job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had a great atmosphere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think they only let people
in who would add to the atmosphere. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We got a Hull cab, didn’t
we?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we went along to the
second company because the first one looked like the introductory paragraph of
a Clive Barker story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or Thomas Ligotti
anyway.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It certainly did look like
something out of a detective story.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The work that’s gone into
some of the costumes that people were wearing…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was screen accurate
stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What would you have said were the
best ones?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Stormtroopers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t just the costume, they were
standing there and they were incredibly still.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Made me uneasy. Whenever they’d slightly move – it was really
unsettling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We walked past the
Stormtroopers several times, but as for the other cosplayers, we didn’t get to
see too much of them.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’d glimpse them as they
were going past.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not gonna lie, bringing
your own parrot is-</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:
</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh
yeah!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pirates with the parrots!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having an actual parrot adds
a lot.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQno7HMYsJm6MDkwXe_WCnpn3F9LDQl6YuE1j4EIwsRV4N2NOeUoPnPq90rDnjAuhMqQvaAQ07xIrRJ2EwrnewOXkGolLDSjA590EoFwA9FMZMnBw_ouqgw_B1yhRoHJQOYuW0odsUZH4/s320/Him+by+Me+2.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="240" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Him by Me.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rev said that during the
Norman Lovett panel the parrots were heckling.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First parrots and then
frogs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t have a good day as far
as animals were concerned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was somewhat distracted
by the audience, but the audience were somewhat distracting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was terrific.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really relaxed and fun and we got to meet
lots of nice people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actually, there
wasn’t anyone unpleasant there, I would’ve said.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, you don’t tend to
wander up to people and go, “Hello!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are
you an unpleasant person?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They usually announce
themselves, don’t they?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hello!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a terribly unpleasant person and I’ve
come to make your life miserable!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ha!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>And</i> we got to meet Rev!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We did!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, me for the second
time without realising it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And this time, <i>he</i> didn’t
realise it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He walked straight past us.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just thought we were someone
else.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> look like Adric.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can try, but you don’t.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who do I look like
then?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh – that got answered, didn’t
it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cedric Diggory’s Dad.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look more like a cat
reading a comix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did have something to
end with but I’ve forgotten it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought that was it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was going to sit here and be silent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then you come out with, “I don’t know how
to end it now.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:
</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what
I was going to say!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s only the
second convention we’ve both been to.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t go to the first
one. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the one you met Lis Sladen at.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, but I’m certain I
didn’t go to a convention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d remember
that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a long time ago.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Were there only about five
people there or something?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, it was busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anneke Wills was there; she got roped into
doing the raffle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Peter Miles was
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Andrew Beech.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You spent a while talking to John Barrowman’s
aunt.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hull Comic Con 2016!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reminiscing about previous comic cons!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, that time we were
there as guests and this time we were there as staff.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t get paid.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We got t-shirts and
pizza.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What am I talking about?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We weren’t <i>guests</i> at the first one!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were-</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Guests’.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:
</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wouldn’t it
be nice if bodies like British Rail and the Department for Work and Pensions
referred to people as ‘guests’ rather than ‘customers’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>
bombshell.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What noises do you want to
make?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m typing it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We always make the noises
though.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do a parrot.<br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Him does a parrot.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the noise you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always</i> make, whatever the animal!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">The
Him does another parrot.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Me:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do a Dalek in distress.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Him:</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-Pzpesddz40mBFGDYRnLyWWOdBTlhlintjbBeoeuwaVMrhlFTmcOFWbW3oWfE7Avmuf8UtR-fMl2qVpXQijf8V5CN5oMEujQLWSM0nCBkvSHuFQXIbaaToAEHOOkmYhMPRG85ZNym-yo/s400/View+from+the+Stage.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">From here you can see forever. And Killer BOB, if you squint.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-Pzpesddz40mBFGDYRnLyWWOdBTlhlintjbBeoeuwaVMrhlFTmcOFWbW3oWfE7Avmuf8UtR-fMl2qVpXQijf8V5CN5oMEujQLWSM0nCBkvSHuFQXIbaaToAEHOOkmYhMPRG85ZNym-yo/s1600/View+from+the+Stage.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">1.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"> </span> There’s really not much to add,
but that’s never stopped me before, so...</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB">We caught the helicopter from the Arctic
to Edinburgh, then clattered down the coast on the mainline. I read more than I’ve managed in months, while
the Him healed damaged pixel kingdoms and saved untold digital
generations. Or something. He certainly didn’t get any sleep.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB">The journey went smoothly and we glided
in Hull’s welcoming embrace right on time.
Rev strode up to meet us – he’s a lot taller, and more Wildling, than he
appears on podcasts – but overshot by a few feet. We met District 14’s Steve and Claire, who
gave us a lift back to Rev’s Memorabilia Manse where we’d be crashing. The Him went straight to bed, while I gaped
like a wannabe Maester at Rev’s pretty-damn-impressive Library Walls before
totally failing to sleep.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB">Convention day came and went in a bit of
a blur, but here’re my impressions.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB">Hull’s the friendliest city I’ve spent
more than a night in. You get the taste
of a city’s personality the moment the train doors slide open and, well, there’s
a reason I put quotes at the top, so let’s talk about conventions instead.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB"></span></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1bcRp9sOJ0wapvy2X3n0TC7AqPl0edTCEq1cOdLlPgYXhzDo7zaMUv-dyBsmN-sGM9zzrODh17gHuA_wriswxMV6vZJQwCsmSjk-ufqBKHcIhUAqPLWXHEdaDlGuITb0rDcXLVXIUCPM/s320/Manse.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="220" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Rev's Memorabilia Manse</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Comic conventions’ve become big business
as a direct result of pop culture – specifically <i>Watchmen</i>, but that’s a rant
for another book – and they’ve mutated as wider society’s moved into a new
chapter. There’s a lot to be said for
comparing conventions to other occasions where large like-minded groups come together, football matches, concerts, revolutions and
so on. It’s tribal and it’s comforting in a tribe if you feel you belong.
T-shirts that proclaim an interest aren't really a personality substitute, they're an easy way of spotting potential
allies in a scary world with a default setting that favours chaos and food chains. It’s no wonder that uniformed individuality
shifts products. Of course, anything <i>truly</i> subversive will eventually get absorbed into the
overall body of established and acceptable behaviour. It’s partly how our
culture inoculates itself against both change and memetic threats . Taken in
small enough doses, an immunity is built.
Failing that, you can always shout, “What’s that?” and switch mugs while they’re
distracted.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The Hull University building was huge enough to contain
its own Waterstones. That tells you
everything. Me and the Him picked up our
t-shirts, changed self-consciously in the toilets – another echo of being in a
band – and then wandered the building getting our bearings before the doors
opened to leak a steady, and seemingly relentless, river of folk. The sheer variety was astonishing. It felt like every demographic was
represented.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I introduced myself to the guests whose
microphone moments I was down to moderate, kidding myself this was to set their minds at rest. Truthfully, it
was so I could get to my fallback strategy of letting the audience ask the questions as
quickly as possible. To a one they were
friendly, cheerful, polite and- No. I’m not going to get too gushy just yet.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;">First up was the Doctor Who Comics
panel. I introduced <a href="http://rachaelsmithillustration.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">Rachael Smith</a>, <a href="http://www.kre8uk.net/" target="_blank">Russ Leach</a> and <a href="http://www.leesullivanart.co.uk/www.leesullivan.co.uk/HOME.html" target="_blank">Lee Sullivan</a>, bantered briefly and then threw them to the audience. The audience weren't hungry and threw them back. This caught me on the
hop, so I moved on to asking the questions that <i>I</i> wanted answers to. This seemed to work, so I stuck with it for
the rest of the day. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://funnybookadam.com/" target="_blank">Adam Cheal</a>’s talk about getting started
creating and publishing comics was eye-opening and sensible; the ‘really
attractive, thin and intelligent’ <a href="http://www.rabid.oneuk.com/" target="_blank">Russell Payne</a> gave a beautiful presentation
about Jack ‘King’ Kirby’s work and legacy; despite being fruitier than maybe
one or two audience members were expecting <a href="http://katerussell.co.uk/" target="_blank">Kate Russell</a>’s, reading seemed to go
smoothly from where I was standing: in another nudge
to the day’s theme this was next to the mixing desk.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The Him and I collected our free pizza
and chatted about the atmosphere.
There’s a lot of talk about safe spaces on campuses that misses <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/jun/28/prof-brian-cox-criticises-nonsensical-university-speaking-bans?CMP=fb_gu" target="_blank">the point</a>. Hull Comic Con 2016 however,
truly represented a safe space on a campus.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;">And that’s as gushy as I’m getting, so
here’s Rachael Smith’s portrait of us as cats instead.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKBtBZwBKIcMykANM8YChmbyZeCjDoGmu6LY2McwdsIEq7XVcFCBImBFScjjtoim1qPXJbyZCdjuANf0pEQUyzssRvlNlnOjPSEy0o11r2KF50Db7huJGzvwGmdBIKM1rAAROrt6KY_hI/s400/The+Authors+by+Rachael+Smith.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Authors As Cats by <a href="http://www.rachaelsmith.org/" target="_blank">Rachael Smith</a>.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;">Executive Producers:</span> </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Steve</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> and <b>Claire</b></span><b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"> </span></span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;">Lovely to Finally Meet:</span> </span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Rev</span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Gid</span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Fan in the Bath</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> and the <b>Fan in the
Bathlettes</b></span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Karenza</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-GB">The
wonderful <b>Tony Hitchman</b></span><b><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Hull</span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Hull University Staff<span style="color: lime;"> </span></span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;">Special Thanks:</span> </span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">District 14</span></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">All the staff and guests</span></b><span lang="EN-GB"> of <b>Hull Comic Con 2016</b> –
humanity at its finest</span></span><br />
</div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">2.</span></b></span><span style="color: lime;"> <span style="color: black;">Those blinding days’re done,
ma’am. Gone forever. They were good while they shone though,
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MtZJZCIeuc" target="_blank">here’s some proof</a> (if proof be need be).</span><b><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">3.</span></b></span></span><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> In answer to that question
you don’t remember asking, <a href="https://petrifiedrecords.bandcamp.com/track/eating-people-is-wrong-session" target="_blank">it would’ve sounded like this</a>.</span></span></div>
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<![endif]-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-21356896864598601212016-03-28T17:06:00.000+01:002016-04-07T08:32:31.121+01:00Batman v Superman 'review'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<![endif]--><br /><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"></span></i>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">I was surprised with the fervency of the defence of
the concept of Superman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like
they were taking it personally that I was trying to grow up their character.</span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
<a href="http://www.comicbookresources.com/article/zack-snyder-says-he-tried-grow-up-superman-man-steel" target="_blank">- Zack Snyder</a><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">That American optimism... I
think it does speak to, now that we’re a global family, what it means to police
the world and how hard that is. </span></i><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/zack-snyder/39428/zack-snyder-interview-batman-v-superman" target="_blank">- Zack Snyder</a></b><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">I’ve always loved the great tragedies; </span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">King Lear</span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">,
</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">The Poseidon Adventure</span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">, </span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Superman 2</span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">…</span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
- Garth Marenghi<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Me:</span></b><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I’ve watched it. <br />
<br />
I was too knackered afterwards to write anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d planned to, but I just couldn’t face
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s been a circus over the last
week and I’m conscious that this piece’ll add an ineffectual plop of
vomit-covering sawdust to the stampeding media elephants filling your feeds and
various screens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still going to say
it though.<br />
<br />
The critics are right: this film’s a dog’s breakfast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oddly enough, it's not <i>totally</i> Snyder's
fault. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>DC got the film they wanted, just
like Marvel did with their recent Fantastic Four reboot. Whether they’ll blame someone else for that, remains to
be seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">This film is based almost
entirely on things DC’ve published; <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>it's a
slavish, bleak, hagiographical dramatisation of the company’s more recent holy
texts. I tried to like it, I really did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There’s definitely an interesting film in there, unfortunately, it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Dark Knight.</i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">1</span></span></b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Irons and Affleck are
fine, and so are Eisenberg and Cavill, i<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>gnore what you've heard, they do their best to glitter-roll their
roles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The script's an awful Fijian Mermaid and - as usual
- the bits that're lifted from comic panels work the best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Man of Steel</i> was an attempt to make a
Superman film that’d fit in the same universe as Christopher Nolan’s (rather
successful) Batman ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a loose,
loose adaptation of John Byrne’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Man of
Steel </i>mini-series, itself a reboot of the character after Alan Moore had wrapped him up in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Whatever Happened to the Man of
Tomorrow?, </i>which remains the final word in Superman stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, let’s talk about Zod. I don’t buy the argument that Superman had no choice but to break Zod’s neck
for one moment, and that’s because I’m aware that screenplays are what
accountants sign off on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Writers allow characters to make decisions, but typists don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />The references in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Team America </i>(that’s what it’s
called) to 1938 and how the world’s become more complicated don’t wash
either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Superman represents light and
Batman darkness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not a particularly
profound observation, although the latest film obviously thinks it’s hit on something
nobody’s ever noticed.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">2</span></span></b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/twilight-of-superhero.html" target="_blank">I’ve written at length about this before</a>, so I’ll just reiterate that
Frank Miller’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Dark Knight Returns</i>
is the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">final</i> Batman story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not
</i>a template.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having said that, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Dark Knight Returns</i> still stands up
today, unlike the Doomsday storyline which crops up in the closing months of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Batman v Superman</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>DC’s Doomsday storyline, which reached its
temporary conclusion in <i>Superman</i> 75, hasn’t aged well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a fight scene that goes on and on and on
and on, culminating in an issue made up entirely of full-page panels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The film certainly feels faithful to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> experience.<br />
<br />
Coming back to death and superheroes, yes, it’s fair to say that the
characters’ve killed before in both comics and film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Doomsday storyline features plenty of
civilian casualties – there’s even a visual quote from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Watchmen</i> that’s more accurate than Snyder’s yet managed – but there
remains a sense of play to it, these are stake-raising storybeats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A deconstructed comedy death is a hideous
thing, but it somewhat misses the point of why jeopardy can make escapism more
thrilling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The real problem is that,
despite featuring him, neither <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Man of
Steel </i>or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Batman v Superman</i> are
really Superman films, being made with everything set to 'Batman'.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is a shame, as the children of America
could do with a decent hero.<br />
<br />
Snyder's all about image, but comics have words too. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Christopher Nolan'd already made <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Dark Knight</i>, a film that featured
superheroes, rather than a superhero film. Snyder still doesn't understand the
difference, having proved this was a personal blindspot with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Watchmen</i>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, Neil Gaiman's already written <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">American Gods</i>, but I’m not sure that’s a
text that’s being referred to here, largely because it contains an element of
cultural criticism and sustained thematic arguments.<br />
<br />
I've not been very impressed with America for a while now, and this is a film
made <i>only</i> for Americans. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can't see <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Suicide Squad </i>being any more interesting
or pleasant. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>DC should <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">let</i> Snyder make his live-action <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Justice Team America</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> Or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">All Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder</i>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />Which, in many ways, he just has.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><span><b>3</b></span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: lime;"></span></b><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Him:</span></b><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"> If it was called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">'Manman v Superbat'</i> I'd watch it.<span id="transmark" style="display: none; height: 0px; width: 0px;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: lime;"><b><span style="line-height: 115%;">1.</span></b></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span><span style="color: lime;"></span> </span>Which
was a method of writing that used to work fine for Alan Moore’s Scottish
Tribute Act, right enough.<span> </span>I’m guessing
Snyder’s read <i>Supergods</i> as well as <i>The Fountainhead</i>.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b></span><span><span style="color: lime;"></span>
</span>The <i>Excalibur</i>/Arthurian guff
is hilarious.<span> </span>It’s closer to a
less-insightful version of <i>Mad</i>’s adaption of Boorman’s film or – Kal save us –
the execrable <i>Camelot 3000</i>.<span> </span>By the time <i>Justice Team America</i>’s out we’ll probably be able to solve the
energy crisis simply by hooking Thomas Malory up to a generator.<span> </span>Still, thanks to Zimmer and Junkie XL for the
musical quote.<span> </span>Knowing that <a href="http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Hans_Zimmer" target="_blank">one of them worked on Doctor in Distress</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=187ye8e3kPw" target="_blank">one of them with Rammstein</a>, it’s fair to say
that while the score might <i>not</i> be taking the piss as such, it’s certainly
having a lot of fun.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: lime;">3.</span></b><span>
</span>And I didn’t mention <i>M*****man</i> once.</span></span><br /></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPabvasYwuYUNm9o0CsXBVEbWivywP7OaLoBx8b6y80St3An-UaqbIerU2emm89HyUKMvsJzjpCJQ3BN32Yw4MTgM8FWTmLwOJIniKbwAt0Gx41hMCX2R38FgYU7CFlTCt0Hjb8gtadME/s640/Eccchcalibur.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="512" /></td></tr>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-59322849897360582472016-01-11T23:59:00.000+00:002016-02-05T00:02:46.611+00:00#Bowie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
It's Brian's fault. <br />
<br />
I've spent all day thinking about it, and that's the only conclusion that fits. <br />
<br />
It's Brian's fault. <br />
<br />
All of it.<br />
<br />
Another star blacks out of the sky, leaving the rest of us with their old photographs and scanned clippings that might artifact, but won't yellow. <br />
<br />
Bowie was like rain and pavements. He'd been there in the forever before I was walking into things. Bowie was like sand and the heatdeath of the universe. His influence compressed into the blocks that built culture and would survive long after I've finished decaying. I'll be gone and forgotten decades before people stop playing <i>Space Oddity</i>. <br />
<br />
Brian's bedroom was like a galley kitchen. It was long, tall and full of carefully-arranged knowledge stored in logical sequences. The room, like all rooms ever, was an accurate portrait of its owner. Brian and myself were drinking tiny bottles of duty-free beer, plucked from somewhere secure. We were trying to be as quiet as possible before the curfew fell down. That's when the lights'd start whistling and sirens flashing. <br />
<br />
It's all Brian's fault.<br />
<br />
Another star blacks out of the night that spews out <i>Watchmen</i>, becoming a full-stop in the finite ticker-taping story of our collective cultural Ideaspace. In another 1985, a topknot walks through an imaginary New York, his hand draped across his partner's shoulders. The Comedian is always dead and, somewhere, it`s October 12th. The sound of reprints must never stop. <br />
<br />
Brian and myself were in a band, or if we weren't then, we nearly were. <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/downtime-one-last-time.html" target="_blank">I've mentioned this before. </a> Brian played bass because he had the build and talent for it. I shouted at people, because somebody had to. We were, like all bands ever, the best band in the world. There wasn't much light in the room, just an Anglepoise lamp and a portable TV balanced on a machine that played only dead format entertainment. <br />
<br />
Whether or not any of this is factual doesn`t matter. It's the truth. In 1990 the future was still covered in plastic-sheeting.<br />
<br />
Bowie was something that occasionally swam into focus in the passing sludgy flood of experiences. He'd drift up to the surface for a moment, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssXp8dgqHqs" target="_blank">in a <i>Spitting Image</i> sketch</a> or in the background tinnitus flash of radio, and then be gone. Memories link to taste and smell. <i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViftZTfRSt8" target="_blank">Labyrinth</a></i> still <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzutVEaFGB8" target="_blank">smells of Curzon</a> mint Poppets. As a film it feels like crushed-padded maroon armrests, squeaking tilted seats and burning, burning cheeks. Cheeks so hot they could've melted the frames of any glasses that weren't made from special NHS asbestos. Bigger boys, three rows back kept bouncing confectionery off the greasy hair of the weak and alone. High above, between the heavy curtains hanging like highwaymen, someone plays with <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HgQaHlWyG4" target="_blank">Jareth's massive balls</a>.<br />
<br />
Childhood takes place under an obscuring layer of weird that floats like low-hanging poisonous fumes through a valley, sputtering up from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvpTzitlSos" target="_blank">something stygian and Underworldy</a>. Adults pretend they can't see through the fug, pretend they can't remember what it was like living below the cover of responsibility. Tiny, stupid, terrible things happen under that cover. Stephen King remembered: <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_%28novel%29" target="_blank">It</a></i>'s <i>all</i> as above, so below. Still, scar-tissue looks manly and suggests character.<br />
<br />
Brian and I talked, quietly enough to head-off an early curfew, about the things that are important when you're emerging from the odd cocoon of puberty and in the best band in the world, like all bands ever. We talked about books; comics; music; good teachers; bad teachers; rotten bastards and the other feral beasts that preyed on anyone wearing glasses; parents (old, new and other); music; which islands we'd buy; films; death; friends; <i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE-CU8bZTSk" target="_blank">GBH</a></i>; girls; drink; poetry; immortality and the faces that we thought we might end up wearing when we finally, finally burst through the foetid miasma, plunging headlong into oxygen-rich maturity, blinking and completely unprepared. <br />
<br />
Another star backs out of the spotlight. You can still see them if you squint, but it's a theatrical trick. They aren't really there anymore. Were they ever? Every picture is a self-portrait. Every story belongs to the reader. Every song is public property once it's escaped.<span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b>1</b></span></span> <br />
<br />
I crawled through the calendar, throwing months behind me. Gradually, I started to stand, but it took bloody ages. Literally. <br />
<br />
I picked up a boxed reissue of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Muh1pk7xc2k" target="_blank"><i>The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars</i></a> on the same journey to Exeter that netted me The Sisters of Mercy's <a href="http://www.discogs.com/Sisters-Of-Mercy-Satanic-Verses-Recorded-At-Wembley-Arena-241190/release/1619476" target="_blank"><i>Satanic Verses</i></a> bootleg, but, oddly, no gigs at either the Lemon Grove or the Riverside for the best band in the world. <a href="http://www.potw.org/archive/potw351.html" target="_blank">Yeats' poem about Crowley</a> gained resonance as, all around me, things started falling apart. I'd clamber up and along the rusted skeleton of the long-collapsed town pier, cheap and grip-free cowboy boots slipping on the base girder, clutching a rusty clavicle with one hand, holding my hat on with the other. Challenging the ocean/estuary that <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at6sQkoShms" target="_blank">the non-hurricane of 87</a>'d used to tear the seafront into werewolf-victim chunks<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at6sQkoShms" target="_blank"></a> to do its worst. To kill me dead. <br />
<br />
Cursed with the luck of children, drunks and drunk children, I got away with it every time.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2 </b></span></span> Or so I thought. Sneaky git.<br />
<br />
Time ground into the mortar of experience like a pestle. Trousers got baggier and fringes grew longer. I ended up in a capital city for a while. Using old skills to sniff out record shops, I rediscovered Ziggy via <a href="https://lanceparkin.wordpress.com/2011/03/03/the-brief-wondrous-life-of-brilburn-logue/" target="_blank">Brilburn Logue</a>'s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq7xyjU-jsU" target="_blank">Northamptonian Hunger mates</a>. <br />
<br />
By now I was nearly fully evolved: the <a href="http://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-Sound-Vision/release/728492" target="_blank">clear vinyl <i>Sound+Vision</i> boxset</a> was the first thing I purchased with plastic. Then came the <i><a href="http://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-Jump-They-Say/release/631815" target="_blank">Jump They Say</a></i> <a href="http://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-Jump-They-Say/release/216959" target="_blank">2CD</a> set, which helped see me through the first degree of Shouting and Punctuation. <br />
<br />
Another star stops strobing shadows on the cave wall. Everyone sighs and wonders what to do next. <br />
<br />
Next thing you know, <i>Black Tie White Noise</i> is filling Woolworths windows and I'm discussing <a href="http://kate bush the line the cross and the curve" target="_blank">la Bush's <i>Line and Cross and Curve</i></a> with a Southport cabbie through flapping hair and intoxication. Long before she popped up in the jungle (or as a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bT3kEQ_CLvw" target="_blank">Coil sine wave) Angie Bowie</a> plopped out some glorious muck-raking memoirs. <br />
<br />
Time's folding over like blu-tack. Stretched out, laid on top of itself and stretched again until the molecules do something that physics hates by creating a material you can pull far too far. Hammock or noose?<br />
<br />
Suddenly I'm in the - like all bands ever - best band in the world. I'm screaming, "<i>I CAN'T READ</i> <b><i>SHIT</i></b> ANY<i>MORE</i>" over the heads of a baffled crowd and into the plate mic that's hanging on the back wall of the North East Wales Institute's older theatre. It's not <i>my</i> face I'm howling out of, but I don't know that yet. <br />
<br />
Then, weeks later, I scratch the face I'm actually wearing until it gushes, before insulting everyone who isn't me, drinking in the Watershed. This particular Watershed's in Wrexham. I'd seen Bowie play Pilate in a dockside Bristol cinema with the same name a couple of years before. Disappointingly, there weren't any protests outside to protestingly martyr myself through. The soundtrack album of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r2phdzYbws" target="_blank">the film in question</a> rocked one of Steve Coogan's sexy cars and was recorded in the same studio <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU55qip9G0A" target="_blank">as...</a> Well. <br />
<br />
I'm convinced that the band should make music as heavy, loud, danceable and full of drums as possible. This all stems from an early life drenched in soundtracks and Adam and the Ants. Later on, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU55qip9G0A" target="_blank">I'm lucky enough to almost touch the sounds in my head</a>, shouting in front of <a href="http://namelessonline.co.uk/" target="_blank">the best band in the world</a>.<span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b>3</b></span></span> Before <i>that</i>, <i>Se7en</i> happens.<br />
<br />
I'd been in love with Nine Inch Nails since I got a free badge as a reward for buying <i>Pretty Hate Machine</i> from the same HMV in Cardiff that God would later ask someone to have a chat to me in.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>4</b></span></span> Like Bowie, they'd both covered the Queen. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANQspcmfhJU" target="_blank">Unlike Bowie</a>, NiN used religion to offend people in a more obvious fashion. <i>Se7en</i> linked things I already liked, already loved and would come to like and love when I caught up. Bowie was on the wave, kicking sharks in the face and grinning more honestly than he had been when that Bert fellow was stealing his moves a few years earlier. <br />
<br />
I fell out of college shortly after <i>Se7en</i> and washed up on an embankment next to the Taff. Every time it rained, the naked bulb in the squat`s kitchen wept onto the oven. It rained a lot, so I stopped cooking and drank instead. The chap on the floor below was lovely, if a bit enthusiastic, over-pupiled and liable to play <i>Earthling</i> (or Tricky's <a href="https://vimeo.com/111426524" target="_blank"><i>Pre-Millennium Tension</i></a>) loud enough to make the window-frames shake. Which distracted me from <i>Brass Eye</i>.<br />
<br />
I saw <i>Lost Highway</i> in Chapter, Cardiff's version of the Watershed. Sensibly, they played the film at Lynch-approved volume. I've loved Rammstein - who're consistently funnier than <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmWN9fwmOKM" target="_blank">Monty Python's <i>Fliegender Zirkus</i></a><i><b> </b></i>- ever since. Around this time I read an interview with Bowie where he (probably) <a href="http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/viz-must-read-music-legend-david-6130803" target="_blank">praised <i>Viz</i></a> and the literacy-enhancing aspects of the internet whilst <a href="https://www.modelmayhem.com/forums/post/837891" target="_blank">jabbing a finger into Hirst's bloated pustule of Minotaur myth ignorance</a>. I'm almost certainly embellish-<br />
<br />
Another star stops broadcasting from wherever. <br />
<br />
The connection breaks. <br />
<br />
Where do we go from here?<br />
<br />
An artist ceases production - momentarily: the repackaging'll begin tomorrow. Hours of unreleased recordings/remixes/alternate takes/stereo/mono/quad. This is when bootlegs rise up from the dry-ice underlayer and become legitimate. The songs they considered subpar'll barf out onto and into the incomprehensible digital charts and-<br />
<br />
No.<br />
<br />
Let's not do this.<br />
<br />
It seems pretty conclusive that Bowie - <a href="http://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-The-Next-Day/master/530238" target="_blank">a man who returned after a<i> decade,</i> with an album that featured the altered cover of an album he'd released <i>thirty-six years earlier</i></a> - <i>knew</i> what he was doing. <a href="http://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-/master/939598" target="_blank"><br /><br />Releasing his <i>final</i> album album on his <i>final</i> birthday</a>, his <i>final</i> single, <a href="http://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-Lazarus/release/7865775" target="_blank">Lazarus</a>-<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>4</b></span></span><br />
<br />
Tony Visconti said: <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/jan/11/david-bowie-death-worldwide-tributes-death-work-of-art" target="_blank">“And he wanted to do it his way and he wanted to do it the best way. His death was no different from his life – a work of art.”<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>4</b></span></span></a><br />
<br />
It still doesn't seem real. <br />
<br />
I <i>want</i> another album. Like a muppet hidden in the wardrobe of a haunted house that I'm trespassing in as a dare, I <i>want</i> him to jump out, shouting, "<i>BOO!</i>" <br />
<br />
It still doesn't seem real.<br />
<br />
Brian and I finish <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glass_Spider#Initial_video_release" target="_blank">watching the Glass Spider do its thing</a>. Whatever we're talking about stops because time flexes. Brian tells me he wants to cover a song and then <a href="http://www.discogs.com/Tin-Machine-Tin-Machine/release/3407592" target="_blank">lends me a tape</a>. To help convince me, he gives me <a href="http://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-Tonight/release/470173" target="_blank">an album</a> too.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">5</span></span> I make it downstairs and out the door without weeping or triggering a curfew/grounding. We both get away with it. I wander up through the town. <br />
<br />
It still doesn't seem real.<br />
<br />
Later on, in another country, I buy the <a href="http://www.discogs.com/Tin-Machine-Tin-Machine/release/389990" target="_blank">CD version of the album Brian lent me</a>. It's been sliced through the spine. That`s to mark that it's not from here. <br />
<br />
Another star dies. <br />
<br />
Another legend dies. <br />
<br />
Another hero dies. <br />
<br />
Another father dies. <br />
<br />
Another son dies. <br />
<br />
Another husband dies.<br />
<br />
Another man dies. <br />
<br />
It still doesn't seem real.<br />
<br />
But...<br />
<br />
The world is still smaller. And it's all Brian's fault.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v--IqqusnNQ" target="_blank">(And the first person to land on Mars better play <i>that</i> song when they get there.)</a><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>6</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1. </b></span> Although <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/After_the_Watershed_%28Early_Learning_the_Hard_Way%29" target="_blank">Mr the Jagger's lawyers/Carter the USM </a>might well disagree with that.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2. </b></span> The pier in question crops up <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/the-payphone-story.html" target="_blank">here</a>, in <i>Remains of the Day</i> and in <a href="http://marvel.com/comics/issue/50330/miracleman_by_gaiman_buckingham_2015_5" target="_blank">the fifth issue of Marvel's M*****man</a> - it runs across the middle of page 24 - just after: "Barry got a copy of '<i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFCmFvlJpK0" target="_blank">The Man Who Sold The World</a></i>' with <a href="http://www.discogs.com/David-Bowie-The-Man-Who-Sold-The-World/release/1230645" target="_blank">the Bowie-in-a-dress cover</a>. Must have been worth 100 quid." - and page 25. That town's half of where Brian and I grew up, and it was in (near-enough) every comic shop in the world last month.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3</b></span></span> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3.</b></span> If only that meant something, eh?<span style="color: lime;"><b><br /><br />4. </b><span style="color: black;">Bowie. <br /><br />You wonderful, awful shit. How dare you do <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-JqH1M4Ya8" target="_blank">this</a>? <br /><br />How <i>dare</i> you? <br /><br />You beautiful, doomed <i>bastard</i>.<br /><br /><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-JqH1M4Ya8" target="_blank">This... </a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-JqH1M4Ya8" target="_blank">This is something else. </a> <br /><br />This is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-JqH1M4Ya8" target="_blank">a song</a> that usurps <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc" target="_blank">almost</a> every other pop-song about death. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C27omnj0m9k" target="_blank"><i>Top of the City</i></a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5P0v0kGauc" target="_blank"><i>Moments of Pleasure</i></a> from Kate Bush's <i>The Red Shoes</i>'re as alluded to in the lyrical text as <i>any</i> other interpretation. Don't be fooled by certainty. Bowie slips out covertly. His last lyrics are beautiful, but <i>mostly</i> oblique. The majesty is astounding. And so is the cheek.<br /><br />Bowie <i>knows</i> this song - his <i>final</i> single - will be be read nineteen plus ways in the days before he dies. And then the meaning of the song changes <i>totally</i>. And <i>knowing</i> that the wider the song goes <i>before</i> his death will magnify all the alternate interpretations? Sorry/Christ.<b><span style="color: lime;">7</span></b> That's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-JqH1M4Ya8" target="_blank">art</a>. <br /><br />(And it <i>also</i> sounds like the Cure. You big Goth, you.)</span><b><br /><br />5.</b></span> No <i>facts</i>, only <i>truth</i>. Okay?<span style="color: lime;"><b><br /><br />6.</b></span> I can't believe you're pretending that either of you don't know <i>which</i> one I mean. Tch.<br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>7.</b></span> Delete as applicable.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.davidbowie.com/news/lazarus-lyrics-full-55371" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>This is a true story.<br />Only the facts have been changed.</b></span></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: lime;"><b></b></span></span> </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-61670303387127917082015-12-27T22:01:00.000+00:002015-12-27T22:35:34.420+00:00The Husbands of River Song (time shift)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUNEoD-YmlyzzE9Us7f7fpI4ui30_rTDjyRecR7srKTH940pucupBNsqgbmcQCyGXeuBkgjynTJeCLvY-7-gYI8TWVWz4nfIVKSyqRLRGPM2-mQKZTEVWK9dr9mjPHSFZpjCbm4WSV6_w/s1600/266+-+The+Husbands+of+River+Song.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUNEoD-YmlyzzE9Us7f7fpI4ui30_rTDjyRecR7srKTH940pucupBNsqgbmcQCyGXeuBkgjynTJeCLvY-7-gYI8TWVWz4nfIVKSyqRLRGPM2-mQKZTEVWK9dr9mjPHSFZpjCbm4WSV6_w/s400/266+-+The+Husbands+of+River+Song.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>My [insert relative] gave me an empty box for Christmas and told me it was an Action Man deserter.</i><br />
<b>- <a href="http://lmgtfy.com/?q=gave+me+an+empty+box+for+Christmas+and+told+me+it+was+an+action+man+deserter" target="_blank">Lots and lots of people take credit for this.</a> All but one of them are <a href="http://lmgtfy.com/?q=gave+me+an+empty+box+for+Christmas+and+told+me+it+was+an+action+man+deserter" target="_blank">liars</a>.</b><br />
<br />
Or, if you want to be all <i>obvious</i> about it:<br />
<br />
<i>It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out next morning that it was someone else.</i><br />
<b>- Samuel Rogers</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Me:</b> You'll notice there wasn't a next time trailer.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> There wasn't anything.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> No. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Just cold.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Okay, I-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It was better than <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/sleep-no-more-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Sleep No More</i></a> though.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> It <i>was</i> better than <i>Sleep No More</i>. It could've been forty-five minutes without a problem. It didn't need to be an hour.<br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> What would you have cut? And don't just say, "All of it".<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> A lot of the comedy scenes were unnecessary.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span> Although, I know that they're there to be-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It's not<i> your</i> show.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It's <i>not</i> my show.<br />
<b><br />Him:</b> It's not your show.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I think we can also tell that, as far as Steven Moffat's concerned, at the end of that one it wasn't going to be <i>his</i> show any more either. <i>The Husbands of River Song</i> really does wrap everything up. That's... Y'know, good luck to him for the next series - which doesn't look like it's going to be next year - because... There were so many tropes revisited in that, so many things that we've seen before, so many... Stuff done again-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> 'So many stuff done'?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> So many stuff done, yeah. It was just, kinda, right... The snow in the titles. Well, that was money well spent, wasn't it?<br />
<br />
<i>(The sea badger makes what'll, almost certainly, be its final appearance in 2015.)</i><br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> <i>Murray</i> well spent.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Oh! Murray? <i>Murray?! </i> <b><i>Murray Gold!?! </i></b> Oh, my God. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> "I playa da spoons!"<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Every so often-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Why was he playing the spoons in that one scene?<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> I don't know, but-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> He was playing the spoons!<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> I'm sure this must just've been an oversight on someone's part... You'd think they'd spend more time getting this right, but every so often I could actually <i>hear</i> some of the dialogue.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> That was weird.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Being able to hear the dialogue?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Oh, hush. It was only that one scene. But still, why couldn't you hear the dialogue?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Because the music was so blinking loud.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> That's not what I mean by 'why' and you know it. I mean as in, "<i>WHY?</i>"<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha! Well, it was nice to see that <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/robot-of-sherwood-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Robot of Sherwood</i></a> getting edited really hasn't affected Steven Moffat in any way whatsoever, hence the Zygons-<br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> You're right, you're right. Just let it go.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Diagon Alley? Nice to be back there?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Lovely. Same alleyway, yeah.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It looked <i>totally</i> different with Christmas decorations on it. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> No.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And it was nice to-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Although the series has <i>just</i> ended. We saw that alleyway, what, two months ago?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Less than that, it was November. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/face-raven-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Face the Raven</i></a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> <i> Face the Raven</i>, yeah. Say, five weeks? Right...<br />
<br />
<i>(Surprise sea badger!)</i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Murray Gold is never going to be Danny Elfman, so he should stop... TV isn't the place to be doing that type of music. Christmas is-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> So many people complain about Murray Gold, and you don't really focus on the things he does right. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> He's done some stuff right, but the problem is he's hung around... about <i>seven</i> years too long, to be honest. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> And, you know what? I don't think it's fair to blame him. He's probably the person who's got the least control-<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Over what they play?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah! Basically, he's recorded a tape for them-<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha! He just sends over a cassette?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah, and then Steven Moffat says, "Okay, play <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIv8MpfKrns" target="_blank">The Sun's Gone Wibbly</a>. Yeah, that's good. We'll go with that. Now make it louder. Yeeeeah."<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> You can always tell when there's a comedy scene coming up because someone starts plucking away at strings.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> That music with the spoons was new though. "Since itsa Christmas, I playa da spoons."<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> There was another nod to Prometheus. There's been quite a few of those in the last series, but that one was a definite nod to the film rather than the legend or Doctor Who Comic version. The head in the bag. That's a story for another day. Peter Capaldi and Alex Kingston looked like they were having a whale of a time and were probably really good together. It'd have been nice to hear them. I'm also going to say that the guy playing the Hydroflax body, Peter Capaldi and Alex Kingston were the best performers in that. And pretty much <i>everybody</i> else was... I dunno. Performing for their Amazing Moms, who they knew would be watching. Because it's Christmas.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3</b></span></span> It felt really overblown and over the top and... It was <i>very</i> Russell T. Davies.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Lots and lots and lots of Russell T. Davies.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> <i>Voyage of the Damned</i>, <i>End of the World</i>...<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Russell T. Davies with better dialogue. Possibly. <i>Deep Breath</i> too. In the scene in the... where everyone turns out to be... The irritable bowel bit was funny. Still, at least it wasn't called '<i>Sex Storm</i>'.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Was that its original name?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Near enough, yeah. It was nice to see a really subtle tribute to Jon Pertwee as well. When the TARDIS did its wobble and the stuntman wearing an unconvincing wig and dressed as the Doctor fell over... Quite good.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Once again, because I don't go to a puppet show and watch the strings, I didn't notice that.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> Fair enough. I'm going to ruin some things for people now.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> You <i>do</i> go to the puppet show and watch the strings.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> With CGI... The artists who do CGI backgrounds or scenery, need to stop putting in birds. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Ha!<br />
<b><br />Me:</b> This has been going on since <i>The Phantom Menace</i>. Every bloody CGI shot of a landscape of some description needs to have something flying across it. I understand that it gives it movement, but-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I didn't see the birds. Makes you wonder why they put them in. How much money will that've cost for something I didn't even notice?<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> They could've spent it putting more snowflakes in the titles.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Oh, it's Christmas. You've got to let them have that.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I suppose so.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> There're many other things you can actually complain about that're worth complaining about as opposed to picking out things that aren't worth complaining about.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And the shot that was like <i>Titanic</i>.<b><br /><br />Him:</b> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRA2OrZTiwY" target="_blank"><i>Titenic</i>.</a><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> The towers're based on <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colossi_of_Memnon#Sounds" target="_blank">a couple of statues</a> - I think, in Egypt - and with the way that one's eroded, when the wind blows through it, it screams.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Oh, those towers. Those towers.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Do you want to do the Matt Smith stuff now?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Even though you'll say it wasn't canonical, Steven Moffat seems to think those little shorts he releases are canonical.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/canonballs.html" target="_blank">They're not.</a><br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> In one of them, Matt Smith talks to Matt Smith and tells him that he's just taken River Song to the singing towers.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/canonballs.html" target="_blank">They don't count.</a><br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Whether they count or not, Steven Moffat treats them as counting. And he shouldn't then go back on them. It doesn't even make sense. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It seems a little bit harsh that Matt Smith had actually specifically requested that the story of River Song be over and done with.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> You could pull all the stuff together, provided you took in that bit that you say that isn't canonical. It still fills in the story. I don't remember which one it was.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It was in the <i>Last Night</i> and <i>First Night</i> - and things like that - series of VAM.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> One of those ones.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Jim the Fish was in one of those too, I think.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Not personally, Jim the Fish was in the series.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Right.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Jim the Fish is a running gag. Everyone knows Jim the Fish.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Steven Moffat wanted to wrap everything up with the kind of script that he can do in his sleep and-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> But, he's done it.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And it's another one about why marriage is great and... I'm not convinced. I'm afraid that I'm a little bit with Lawrence Miles on this one. I think that River Song is an <i>incredibly</i> unpleasant person. I'm stunned as to why the Doctor even hangs around with her. She should be a villain.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> She is<i> kind of</i> a villain, that's the thing. She's the anti-hero. If anything, she's like the chaotic neutral. She's not particularly good.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> She's deeply unpleasant. She's not a nice person at all. Anyway, never mind. At least Steven Moffat's got that out of his system so, hopefully, next year we won't have to-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Next year we'll have Murray Gold as the companion. He'll be the love interest.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> He near enough <i>was</i> the companion. He's in the show more than bloody Kamelion was. Good luck with the next series... The problem is that we've heard this song so many times - and I don't just mean River - I think Doctor Who needs a year off in order to try and come up with something new. We're just seeing the same stuff over and over again. I know it's for Christmas...<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It's a weird Christmas special. Why can't a Christmas special be as ridiculous as <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/daleks-master-plan-feast-of-steven.html" target="_blank"><i>Feast of Steven</i></a>?<br />
<b><br />Me: </b> Yeah. Well. I don't know. Next year it'll be Daleks anyway.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Steven Moffat Christmas specials have always been part of the plot.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> <i>The Husbands of River Song</i> was too. The plot being that Moffat was leaving, so that's him wrapping everything up and having a laugh. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Last year you had the Christmas miracle.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And this year you had the Christmas miracle too. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> God.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I mean... Yeah, it's great and everything, but... Nah. I don't know. I'm a bit fed up with it now.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> With Doctor Who as a whole?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I've... I think they need a break. In order to come back and... be... refreshed. And to have a bit more energy. Even though it was set in all these different locations, it still felt really cheap. It's weird. It's supposed to be expensive and it's supposed to look expensive... <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Well, they spend all the Murray...<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> On Money Gold, yeah.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Ha!<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And on <i>that</i> bombshell. Thank you for reading us, Lady and Gentleman, and we'll be back next year.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Maybe.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Maybe.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Well, we probably won't.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I don't think Doctor Who's going to be on until next Christmas at the earliest. Unless they do a special or something.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Do you think they'll do a year of specials again? 'Cause it went so well last time.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> I don't think they will. Who knows?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> <i>Waters of Mars</i>... That was... Hanukkah? Kwanzaa?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha! It was Hallowe'en.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Oh, right.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And on <i>that</i> bombshell. Ho ho ho.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b></span> As with most of Moffat's work, the <i>actual</i> story is hidden behind the scenery. Last year folk got flustered about Missy, Seb and the Cyberbrig <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bmsafe5d4oM" target="_blank">(now getting his own <i>Class</i>esque spin-off)</a> - whilst totally missing the conversations that the series was <i>actually</i> about. With <i>The Husbands of River Song</i>, we're not watching a farce of Ortonian beauty, but a(nother) retread of <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/the-curse-of-fatal-death.html" target="_blank"><i>The Curse of Fatal Death</i></a>, including flirting with the wife and bribing the architect. <br /><br />This series <i>feels</i> like Moffat's last. With the exception of the copy-and-pasted 'Minister of War' reference, there's been nothing much obviously seeded for the next series - whenever <i>that's</i> actually going to turn up. Gallifrey's back - or isn't - because it just is - or isn't. Steven Moffat obviously doesn't care much for it - unless he feels compelled to bang the Valeyard's trap door shut before finally leaving - and it only serves as the scenery for fan-baiting supporting characters to chew on, whilst the conversation that this series is <i>actually</i> about takes place.<br /><br />To quote the mighty Therapy?, "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ509ijCJgo" target="_blank">The road ahead is shorter than the one behind</a>." <br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b></span> Some of you might be avoiding spoilers, so, even if you're a professional writer trying to shamelessly self-promote yourself, please just<b><i> shut the spack up</i></b>, yeah? Speaking of which.<span style="color: lime;"><b>3</b></span><br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>3.</b></span> <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/time-heist-time-shift.html" target="_blank">Mugging actors have form in Doctor Who stories directed by Douglas Mackinnon.</a> I'm guessing he's more of a visual director...</span></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-16370694329167139502015-12-21T13:10:00.000+00:002015-12-21T13:10:13.117+00:00David Van Day's Diddly Squat Series 35 Vivisection<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr-m4D2_6LE2Dn6N4t6gmjoroqMtCfzde8n24UcygFdC80PijZY6W8BHd5Rtvz0-kSaalLhuvQqs2RYcK14w9qmAyKeh1C4Fbi4x7rK8HGpNKElAskC-hUXKLAGYb_zsia-PPEZEjK97U/s1600/David+van+Day%2527s+Diddly+Not+Series+35+Vivisection.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr-m4D2_6LE2Dn6N4t6gmjoroqMtCfzde8n24UcygFdC80PijZY6W8BHd5Rtvz0-kSaalLhuvQqs2RYcK14w9qmAyKeh1C4Fbi4x7rK8HGpNKElAskC-hUXKLAGYb_zsia-PPEZEjK97U/s640/David+van+Day%2527s+Diddly+Not+Series+35+Vivisection.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>One way to prevent conversation from being boring is to say the wrong thing.</i><br />
<b>- Frank Sheed</b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Ah, Lady and Gentleman. You look like you've been good, so here's a winter solstice present for you. It's been a while since the Rev (yes, <i>that</i> one) and myself have had an unfettered natter about things and stuff, and so here's our most recent one. There's been an awful lot of toot typed and talked about the thirty-fifth series of <b>Doctor Who</b> - calling it 'season nine' is a basic error for a start - so here's our chance to point out a few of the mistakes pundits may, or may not, have been making.<br /><br />Also, it <i>finally</i> answers the question that nobody seems to've been asking about <i>which</i> of Missy's statements back in <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/the-magicians-apprentice-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>The Magician's Apprentice</i></a> was a lie. <span style="color: lime;"><b>Spoiler:</b></span> it's <i>not</i> the one you thought it was.<br /><br />So, sit back, pour yourself a warm lemony drink (or tear open an old speckled hen) and wrap your ears around two chums having a fine old time. Or don't. Completely up to you.<br /><br />Play nice now. See you soon.<br /><br />Hoe, hoe, hoe.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://topgeak.podbean.com/e/david-van-days-diddly-squat-series-35-vivisection/" target="_blank"><b>David Van Day's Diddly Squat Series 35 Vivisection</b></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUK-rDwCYcgs4LkNs1XrKI09Taf7CKusEJodSsO5rQMYmLCSTEB2xhN4gxVtEnHyxLtaCrp2y2PIx5Tn6LYLlDsOG50Xyks2Hc1CL2nCIlT9TqnejpLu5f6MS_ECmSI_RnzNuzNyeZ7qU/s1600/diddlysquat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUK-rDwCYcgs4LkNs1XrKI09Taf7CKusEJodSsO5rQMYmLCSTEB2xhN4gxVtEnHyxLtaCrp2y2PIx5Tn6LYLlDsOG50Xyks2Hc1CL2nCIlT9TqnejpLu5f6MS_ECmSI_RnzNuzNyeZ7qU/s320/diddlysquat.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://topgeak.podbean.com/e/david-van-days-diddly-squat-series-35-vivisection/" target="_blank"><b>David Van Day's Diddly Squat Series 35 Vivisection</b></a></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-56275651188765346102015-12-06T19:04:00.000+00:002015-12-06T19:10:07.622+00:00Hell Bent (time shift)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell.</i><br /><b>- Brian Aldiss</b><br /><br />Or, if you want to be all <i>obvious</i> about it:<br /><br /><i>About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.</i><br /><b>- Herbert Hoover</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Him:</b> <i>WHY ARE THEY CALLED THAT?</i><br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Well, it's because Clara had to descend into the Underworld with a god - <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2014/10/doctor-who-and-song-of-goats.html" target="_blank">as we predicted last year</a> - who would then save her and bring her back. <br /><br /><b>Him: </b> But, the <i>names!</i><br /><br /><b>Me: </b> I know, I know.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> The names!<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> The Doctor became the Man With No Name, because it was a Western, and we had stand-offs and back to the barn, and echoes of the Doctor/Donna, and four knocks and back to <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2014/09/listen-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Listen</i></a> and...<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Well, that's because it was meant to be Steven Moffat's last one.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yeah, that's what he said. That was kind of his final statement, and then the Christmas special was going to be the epilogue. <i>Hell Bent</i> wraps up the last ten years. As much as anything. Clara's now, basically, the Doctor.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> It's even got a decent picture on iPlayer.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> The shot of him walking away from Gallifrey, with the guitar?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> In fact, Gallifrey very much represents a Gungan bubble, doesn't it?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> The underwater one?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yes. <br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Ha! 'Space Glasgow' was alright, I suppose. The 'get off my planet,' line, which is from <i>Battlefield</i>, was... pretty good. There's an echo of Rory the Roman with the waiting forever. Steven Moffat does like... And there was a quote from Terrance Dicks in there: 'Never cowardly, never cruel'. That was paraphrasing Terrance Dicks. Telling Clara she has to go off and be a Doctor. Once again, that's Steven Moffat's final statement on the series.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> We've still got the Christmas special.<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> Yeah, but it wraps everything up. It's not the conclusion to this particular series, it's the conclusion to the last fifty-two years.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> How do you think he'll reboot it? Again.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Well...<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> For the <i>third</i> time in the last two years.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> I think it'll depend on what the new companion's going to be. <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> You don't think it'll be River?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> No. I've got... other sorts of ideas. So, the Hybrid?<br /><br /><i>Sea badger!</i><br /><br /><b>Him:</b> <i>Maybe</i> it'll be the Hybrid. Whoever the hell the Hybrid was.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> It was the Doctor. <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-witchs-familiar-time-shift.html" target="_blank">We got it right.</a><br /><br /><b>Him:</b> That was so vague. <br /><br /><b>Me:</b> I've got to say something about the whistling Murraycone-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> You had this weird back and forth, where the Doctor and Ashildr were both trying to convince each other that the other one was the Hybrid.<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> I think that was a bit of Steven Moffat having a go at the audience again. <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yeah, that's what I said before. "So that means it's him. But wait, that's a double-bluff. No, it's a triple-bluff because he never calls her that. No, no, no. Wait. But, it's Steven Moffat, so..." Until you reach the point where you're, y'know...<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> And then it's really impressive, but you still don't get your watch back. <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Ha!<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> It's a good trick, but you don't get your watch back. I think that we were also right that a lot of the talky scenes in the preceding eleven weeks were in order-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> I don't remember any scenes being set in Torquay.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> "Madam! That is <i>Torquay!</i>" Don't you remember the herds of wildebeest and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon? It felt quite expensive. So, the Time Lord who got lost in the Cloisters was the William Hartnell Doctor, I would've said. Would you agree with that?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> What was up with the Cloisters?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> I don't know.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> What was up with the terrible firewalls?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Well...<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> The Shufflers.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> The Sliders.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Oh. 'The Sliders'.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yeah, not 'the Smilers'. It was done as a Western. I thought that Peter Capaldi was excellent throughout that.<br /><b><br />Him:</b> Yeah, but has there been any point where you can fault Peter Capaldi's performance?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> I think he's got better and better as it's gone on. I think he really enjoyed doing that. Turning it on its head so that it was Clara who remembered... Do you like the idea that Clara's got a TARDIS?<br /><br /><b>Him: </b> It's like <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/chase.html" target="_blank">the DARDIS</a>.<br /><br /><i>(I missed the opportunity to call it a CLARDIS here, so we've got that to be thankful for.)</i><br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Both Clara and Ashildr... That's the end of their story now, because it's been pointedly stated that neither of them will age. So they can't come back.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> They <i>could</i> come back... But they'd have to do it soon.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Ha! Right, the other question is, do you think <i>Hell Bent</i> was a success?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Do<i> I</i> think it was a success?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yeah.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> What do you mean?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Was it good?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> It was <i>okay</i>.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> It held your attention. Was it as good as <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2015/11/heaven-sent-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Heaven Sent</i></a>?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> No.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Right.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> But it was better than <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2015/11/sleep-no-more-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Sleep No More</i></a>.<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> It <i>was</i>, wasn't it? <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> I don't think it was quite as good as <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2015/11/face-raven-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Face the Raven</i></a>.<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> Really?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Really.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> The bit that made you grin and made me think, "Oh, go on. Please, please, please, please." When the Doctor stole the TARDIS and it was the <i>original</i> TARDIS interior. "<i>Please</i> keep that one." Your face just lit up in a massive grin.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> He <i>couldn't</i> keep that one though, because the broken chameleon circuit makes the other one iconic.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yeah.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Why did it turn into a diner?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> 'Cause the chameleon circuit works.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Is <i>that</i> what blends in?<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> Yeah, it's over the hill from Lake Silencio. It's the same diner.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Is that what blends in? In the desert? Diners?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> I dunno. The diner's in the middle of nowhere and the barn's in the middle of nowhere, but people still seem to turn up at it.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> The barn... Initially, it's this tiny little space and he climbs up and then there's a woman. "Oh, I wonder where she came from." And then there's fifty people. Where did they come from?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Interesting pronunciation of 'Shabogan' as well. Okay. And on <i>that</i> bombshell-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Do you not have anything else you want to say about it? Do you not have any complaints? You've always got complaints.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Murray Gold pushed his luck.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> I saw a little grimace from you at one point.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> It was when he started whistling. <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Oh, right.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> That was the bit I tried mentioning earlier as Murraycone. Which, you probably won't get.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> No.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> And on <i>that</i> bombshell, lady and gentleman.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> You don't have <i>any</i> complaints at all?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> It did what it did. Good luck to Steven Moffat <i>next</i> year. I do feel he's probably been <a href="http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/John_Nathan-Turner" target="_blank">'persuaded to stay'</a>, because that felt like it was the end of what he wanted to say. <br /><br /><b>Him: </b> What did the Shufflers do?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> The Sliders? They wrap you up in wire.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> I felt sorry for that Dalek. I genuinely did. Why was it there?<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> Missy's Theme was in it, but Missy wasn't. Although she didn't come back-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Are you sure it's not just 'Murray Gold Track Twenty-Three'?<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> Ha! "What's this song called?"<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> "Track Nineteen."<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Rather than 'Clara'! And on <i>that</i> bombshell, lady and gentleman, thank you very much for reading over the last twelve weeks, and we'll see you...<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> On the flip-side.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Ooo.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Oooo. Let's make <i>more</i> camp owl noises.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Ha! <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Oooo.<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> '<i>Camp </i>owl'?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Oooo.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Do an owl emitting a pellet.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> No.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Bye!<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Oooo.<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-14014880551228685012015-11-29T17:06:00.000+00:002015-12-01T22:42:09.139+00:00Heaven Sent (time shift)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>We are what we repeatedly do.</i><br />
<b>- Aristotle</b><br />
<br />
Or, if you want to be all <i>obvious</i> about it:<br />
<br />
<i>"Just you think about it," said Crowley relentlessly. "You know what eternity is? You know what eternity is? I mean, d'you know what eternity is? There's this big mountain, see, a mile high, at the end of the universe, and once every thousand years there's this little bird-"</i><br />
<b>- Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, <i>Good Omens</i></b></div>
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<b>Me:</b> What did you think?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I think it's a terrible name. What did <i>you</i> think?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> About the Doctor's descent into the Underworld? I thought it was really good. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Even having seen Cube, Triangle, The Prestige, Timecrimes and Dark City.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Oh, you'd already written down The Prestige?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Before I told you it?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Uh huh. I think if we're just going to say positive stuff we need to talk about Peter Capaldi's performance...<br />
<br />
<i>Space Badger!</i><br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It was... Yeah... I can't even put it into words. He... He just had to talk to himself. But he did it really well. <br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> It was great. The moment- Oh! Groundhog Day. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It gets away with the Groundhog Day element though, because it uses it in a different way.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It uses it in a really clever way. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It was good, wasn't it?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yes. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I think Steven Moffat should get... Well. Some praise, or maybe an award, for that. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Really?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. That's the one he's been building towards. It's the one he <i>wants</i> an award for, isn't it? And next week, with Gallifrey being back and everything... So, the Hybrid. Did that come as a shock?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> That was a very big surprise.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha! How long've we been predicting that now? Eleven weeks?<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die from that surprise.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And that's why he left Gallifrey, and it'll turn out he's half-human on his mother's side... Do you think he's going to regenerate next week? Who's regenerating, do you think?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Probably Clara.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha! Also... Fair play to Murray Gold. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Do you think he did well in that one?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I thought the music was really good, yeah. I liked the little tiny moment that sounded just like-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> That sounded like Peter Davison stuff?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, that callback.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Sort of keyboard, synthesiser type music. As opposed to the orchestral music.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> So, I suppose technically I was right, and it was a multi-Doctor episode. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yes, with many, many, many, many Doctors. I liked the way that episode starts about a third of the way through. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Seven thousand years in-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Seven thousand years, but... It doesn't start at the start. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> No, it doesn't.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Because it wouldn't have been as effective. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> But then, the film Triangle doesn't start at the start either. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> No. But you said the trailer spoils everything with that.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> Yeah, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17XqBdCiHOI" target="_blank">it does</a>. I'm looking forward to next week now. There's not much else we can say beyond that, other than that it was great.<br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> Yeah. Something... I'm glad they didn't show it as well. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> The Veil?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> The Veil. Because... there's something a lot scarier about the unknown. <br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> The thing you <i>don't</i> show is more frightening.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> And I loved the concept of being able to see what it sees, but <i>not</i> being able to see it. There's a boss in Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass that does that, but for such a short period of time that you wonder why they even did it. It's an invisible crab thing, but you can see what it sees on the top screen-<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Oh, right.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> -and you have to try and line it up. I really liked it, but it lasts, like I said, for about ten seconds. <i>Heaven Sent</i> did it quite effectively, because he's got to spend ages figuring out how it all works, where it is at all times, how you can get away from it for the maximum amount of time...<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. You don't remember the butler from Tomb Raider training levels?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Sadly not. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Okay. I don't think there's much else we can say here. We'll have to wait until next week now really. It's the middle part of a three-parter. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> What was with the bit with all the arrows pointing to the sand? <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I'm not hundred per cent sure about that. He didn't seem to do anything with it, did he?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> No.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And we didn't see him drawing the arrows. And we don't see who wrote 'I am in 12' either.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Well, he must've written it. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And then buried it? 'Cause it resets, doesn't it?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah. But... Which is weird, because why did it reset and leave that written under there? If that room with the arrows reset, why are the arrows still there?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I dunno.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> And why... It doesn't <i>entirely</i> reset, because, for instance, the clothes were still there. And like I said, at one point, the very first Doctor to've gone there must've been wandering around naked after leaving his clothes there. It's the only way they could've been left by the fire. But it was cool how they repeatedly traded them off, so it does explain why they didn't rot or anything like that.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. It's an ongoing process that just goes on and on and on and on.<br />
<b><br />Him</b>: I feel that falling into the lake would... not exactly have been a terrifying experience for the first twenty or so of them. Until the skulls started becoming visible.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, it was clever. Steven Moffat's kind of declared that the one he's written for Christmas was going to be the final story he was going to write. So, I think what we're going to see here - even though he's still going to carry on, because he's been 'persuaded to stay' or whatever - <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> This is going to be what he's always been building up to. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, this is wrapping it up. This is really the end of the Time War. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Well, that was... That was brilliant.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It was, wasn't it. It was excellent. I'm hoping next week's is as good. And seeing as - You were saying about the magic beans and... I think the money's being spent on next week's episode. And I think that's why this series has had so much talking and everything. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> The talking's been effective though.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It has. It's good.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> We haven't even commented on the harder-than-crystal wall. That is... amazing. It's really clever.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Just bashing his way through it over time. Speleogenesis: making a cave. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> And after seven thousand years, there's <i>still </i>been no dent in it.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And on <i>that</i> bombshell.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b></span> And Moon - forgot about Moon - amongst many, many others. <br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b> </span> It's ten. It <i>could</i> still turn out to be Ashildr, but I think that's thinking too small for Moffat. The half-human and Valeyard trap-doors still need to be shut... <br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>3.</b> </span> <i>Who's</i> in 12? Gallifrey? The Hybrid? The Valeyard?</span> </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-53750068834250529342015-11-23T23:00:00.000+00:002015-11-24T09:27:40.193+00:00Face the Raven (time shift)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.</i><br />
<b>- Johnny Carson</b><br />
<br />
Or, if you want to be all <i>obvious</i> about it:<br />
<br />
<i>Everybody has got to die, but I've always believed an exception would be made in my case.</i><br />
<b>- William Saroyan</b><br />
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<b>Him: </b> Your notes are very sparse.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I'm interested in your take on it. I found it really... <br />
<br />
<i>A Long Day's Journey Into Space Badger.</i><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I thought it was really good. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yes. It had... It had a good effect. <br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> Mmm?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> And, once again, the speech... It tends to be the speeches that make these episodes. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. A lot of what we've been predicting's there. It's the start of the three-parter that'll conclude the series; Ashildr kills Clara because <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/doctor-who-wants-to-live-forever.html" target="_blank">she had to</a>. I don't think we'll see Missy next week - I think she'll be back the week after that - 'cause it's obviously been set up by Missy. The whole thing. Y'know? To get the-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Obviously.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Obviously. The weird thing is that the TARDIS landed in 'London' in <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/dark-water-time-shift.html" target="_blank">the same location that Danny Pink was killed</a>, which I thought was an interesting nod. Some of Steven Moffat's voice was in that. There was a little bit of rewriting, I think. But I thought that Sarah Dollard's script was really good. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It was a lot better than you thought it would be?<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> There's a lot - again, as we had last week as well - there were an awful lot of Neil Gaiman references, amongst other things. You've also got the Harry Potter thing - the city that's next to us that we don't see-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> But there's two, specifically... Two...<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I thought actually it was just a sad little alleyway, and that was it.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> That was all that was there. There's <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sandman:_Worlds'_End#.28.2351.29_.22A_Tale_of_Two_Cities.22" target="_blank">a Neil Gaiman story</a> - a <i>Sandman</i> story - that's about a bloke that wanders down a street that he's never seen before and gets lost in the dreams of the city. So that's one.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span> Also, there's Neverwhere:<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2</b></span></span> London Above and London Below; the London that we don't get to see. You haven't watched that one. There were similarities with that in it. Also, there were echoes of Clive Barker's Nightbreed and Night of the Demon - once you get a curse you can't pass it on.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3</b></span></span> That was alright. Because they couldn't go full-Adric anymore - although Clara's death is basically the same as Adric's-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah. I was actually thinking that. I was wondering if this was the same sort of effect that Adric's death would've had on the audiences back then?<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>4</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Well, the thing is that back then we didn't know it was going to happen and we got a silent credit sequence at the end. It was a shock, because the Doctor couldn't save him and he just... died. Adric 'faced the raven' by himself, as it were. Or 'faced the Earth' as it came up to meet him.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> "I wonder if it'll be friends with me."<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha! He <i>didn't </i>get an eight minute speech, and then a slow-motion walk out to-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> The slow-motion was...<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It was <i>really</i> funny.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah. It was <i>not</i> necessary. But the speech was good.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> The speech was really good.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> And the fact that - that she wasn't crying, but that her eyes were really shiny... Worked as well.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I thought Jenna Coleman's performance was brilliant.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yes.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And Peter Capaldi was fantastic in that one.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> He always is.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I'm really looking forward to next week, and then I'm looking forward to the conclusion-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> What if the conclusion's terrible?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I don't think it will be. It's going to be the Time War, isn't it? It's going to turn out to've been Missy and the Daleks. Or Missy at least. And the Time War conclusion'll bring it back to... This time as well, I thought... I thought it was a bit rushed, killing her off. Having her hanging out of the TARDIS, doing all the... She's become more of a thrill-seeker this episode-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Of all the characters to bring back, why Rigsy? I guess they had to bring someone back.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> He was <i>very</i> good as well, actually. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah. Maybe that's why they brought him back.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I thought that the chap with the Harry Potter glasses wasn't terrific, but... Maisie Williams was good in this. There's a bit in <i>Sandman</i> as well, where a character called Thessaly saves another character - I think it's Lyta Hall - and it's a similar kind of thing. The warning that... "I might've saved you, but you better run."<br />
<br />
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<br />
Yeah, it was competent. It was nicely done. The music was... Some of the music was really good, but we're a long way on from <i>Doomsday</i>. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Whatcha mean?<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> Well, <i>Doomsday</i> had <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am7eHyJ8_1Y" target="_blank">an original and... quite gutsy way of using the music to accompany the scene.</a> That-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I thought you hated <i>Doomsday</i>.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> No. <i>Doomsday </i>was great. The music was brilliant. Y'know, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am7eHyJ8_1Y" target="_blank">when Rose gets stuck beyond the wall and everything, and you've got the single bass guitar going, and then it builds up and runs over minutes...</a> That was... <i>This</i> time it's more orchestra again.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It wasn't bad in <i>Face the Raven</i> though. It wasn't as bad as... It wasn't DUM DE DUM DUMM MURRAY MURRAY DUM DE DUM DUM DUMMM!<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha!<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It wasn't that.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> No, it wasn't. And, I think the term 'retcons'... I reckon that might've been suggested by Steven Moffat. Other than that... yeah, I thought it was really good. But then, it's been building to this. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> With such classics as... <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/the-zygon-invasion-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>The Zygon Invasion</i></a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeeeeah. Oh, grief, yeah. And <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/sleep-no-more-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Sleep No More</i></a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/before-flood-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Before the Flood</i></a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> <i>Before the Flood </i>was alright. And <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/under-lake-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>Under the Lake</i></a> was brilliant.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> <i>Sleep No More</i> was best of the series. Ten out of ten.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Oh, you! Anyway... Go on. Make some more dust noises then. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> No, I've got to make a raven noise.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Make a raven noise.<br />
<br />
<i>The Him makes a raven noise.</i><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And on <i>that</i> bombshell.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> You've got to make one too.<br />
<br />
<i>The Me makes a noise.</i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b></span> Yeah, yeah, Danny the Street too. But we don't talk about <a href="https://tytempletonart.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/krazy-kats.jpg" target="_blank">Alan Moore's Scottish Tribute Act</a> <a href="https://slovobooks.wordpress.com/2014/01/09/last-alan-moore-interview/" target="_blank">here</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b></span> And <i>that's</i> the one that conspiracy theorists should latch onto. <i>Especially</i> after <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/three-fold-musing.html" target="_blank"><i>Nightmare in Silver</i></a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3.</b> </span> Okay, that's not <i>quite</i> right, but you know what I mean. Rigsy's tattoo serves the same purpose as Karswell's 'Three months were allowed'.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>4.</b></span> I want to answer this in proper detail, but first I'll have to explain why this 'review' was delayed. Ready?</span><br />
<span style="color: lime;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<span style="color: lime;"><b>HICKS IN THE CITY: THE NEXT GENERATION</b></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, yes it is.</td></tr>
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<br />
Since Saturday, lots of people have been expressing lots of opinions about <i>Face the Raven</i>. Some of them are rational, some of them aren't; some of them are reasonable, some of them aren't; some of them are objective, most of them aren't. Here's mine.<br />
<br />
The Him and myself don't venture out of the Arctic very often. In fairness, we don't venture out of the Hut that much either. We spent the first part of day of the Raven in a helicopter flying the cold and clear Type-40 blue skies hanging over Britain. Snow lay across the anorak-shouldered hills like dandruff. I forgot to take any pictures, so you'll have to take my word for it. We landed in Euston but our guide Bev was trapped elsewhere - in what <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zz-U1zYTBmM" target="_blank">Jaques 'Jaques' Liverot</a> memorably described as a 'conspiracy' - so we had to amuse ourselves, like bumpkins down the ages, by pretending not to be tourists. <br />
<br />
It's a tradition, or an old charter, or something.<br />
<br />
I showed the Him where <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/comics-unmasked.html" target="_blank">Comics Unmasked used to live</a>, before we walked by the massive abandoned dolls house guarding King's Cross. We soon found the queue to the Hogwarts Express. I <strike>embarrassed</strike> taught the now-shivering Him the poached savant variation rules of Mornington Crescent using only a wall-sized tube map and over-enthusiastic hand gestures. Bev arrived soon after and treated us to some traditional London cuisine (mostly so we could all warm up whilst sneakily recharging our phones using the sockets under the seats). After that, the Him encountered the Underground in colour for the first time on the way to Trafalgar Square to meet our second guide of the day, Kev. </div>
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<br />
Somewhere, there's a daguerreotype, probably hidden in a linty drawer, that shows the person I used to be perched between the paws of one of the lions that was stunt-cast for <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/in-forest-of-night-time-shift.html" target="_blank"><i>In the Forest of the Night</i></a>. Seemed only polite to try to recreate the image while we had the chance. Well, it was that or <a href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=https://doctorwholocations.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/101-london-trafalgar-01.jpg&imgrefurl=https://doctorwholocations.wordpress.com/category/rose/&h=360&w=640&tbnid=-IoFaS4d9GgmlM:&docid=a5QwnwrRX5UPTM&ei=4KBTVoCpPIGRacLHrIgC&tbm=isch&ved=0ahUKEwiAmcSM2afJAhWBSBoKHcIjCyEQMwgsKAwwDA" target="_blank">lunchtime arsing about</a>, <a href="http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/dalek_invasion_2814.jpg" target="_blank">dodgy salutes</a>, <a href="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/2sqTmhB0BNQ/hqdefault.jpg" target="_blank">hide-and-seek</a> or <a href="http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140105010314/tardis/images/thumb/8/80/TrafalgarSquareTDOTD.jpg/500px-TrafalgarSquareTDOTD.jpg" target="_blank">Osgood's cover story</a>.<span style="color: lime;"><b>5</b></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo: <b>Bev</b></td></tr>
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Our two guides led us through the chilled crowds, into the labyrinthine sensory overload of Covent Garden. <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf006.html" target="_blank">Someone else I used to be, performed here a century ago. </a>I didn't see him, so he's probably <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf939393.html" target="_blank">died</a> in the meantime. <br />
<br />
After stopping for an exquisite vegetarian curry, we were guided through more bewildering and overcrowded Blade Runner sets until we arrived at our early Christmas present. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Everything's connected.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b><span style="color: lime;">5</span></b></span></td></tr>
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The audience had to sign NDAs, so I'm forbidden from telling you any more details. Can't even confirm or deny whether Mr Brown wears a massive clock mask (as the photo above unfortunately seems to suggest). I'm largely convinced he's the Devil. It's the only explanation that fits all the facts. Hell of a show.<br />
<br />
Kev treated the four of us to an afterhours ice-cream in Leicester Square and then we headed back to his secret lair where we spent the rest of the night playing with cats.<br />
<br />
Following an astonishing cooked Sunday breakfast courtesy of the wonderful Penny, we all watched an (extremely) time-shifted <i>Face the Raven</i>. This was the first time since <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/deep-breath-live.html" target="_blank"><i>Deep Breath</i></a> that me and Him've watched Doctor Who in company, and it was an agreeable experience. As soon as it finished, the two of us dashed off to record our thoughts. If a 'warts and all' reaction is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pefR8-up_o8" target="_blank">good enough for Tom Baker</a>, then it's good enough for me. We all played with the cats some more and then said goodbye to Penny and the secret lair before Kev drove us back to the Euston helipad. <br />
<br />
Which brings me back to the Him's initial question: "I was wondering if this was the same sort of effect that Adric's death would've had on the audiences back then?" <br />
<br />
Clara's death scene's hilarious. It`s so cheesy that it teeters on parody. Adric's death was sudden and shocking. <br />
<br />
I've mentioned that I bore a striking resemblance to Matthew Waterhouse back around when the Doctor was still wearing Tom Baker. The years've been kinder to Mr Waterhouse than they have to me. I've written about how heartbreaking I found the death of a character that I identified with on a personal - and largely narcissistic - level several times before.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b><span style="color: lime;">6</span></b></span> And it was. It was totally unexpected.<br />
<br />
A lifetime later, I learned that I was wrong. The <i>correct</i> opinion is that Adric was, after <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/web-planet.html" target="_blank">Zombo</a>, the least-loved boy genius companion. Of course, you can't help what you <i>look</i> like any more than <i>what</i> you like. Having endured years of derision for loving comics and <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/downtime-one-last-time.html" target="_blank">the wrong bands</a>, dressing like a weirdo and hating sport (despite being naturally better at it than a lot of my detractors were), apologising for being <i>me</i> was a piece of piss. There's a lot of it about. Always has been.<br />
<br />
Clara's slow-motion yomp to face her death? Well, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkRiC3h0-zQ" target="_blank">Dean Learner</a>'d be proud.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>7</b></span> </span> And then, Murray <a href="https://soundcloud.com/no-complications/no-complications-delayed-easter-special-010413" target="_blank">'Itsa Me'</a> Gold hits the 'Weep <i>Now!</i>' orchestral strings setting and takes it to a whole new level of scenery-gorging. <br />
<br />
There's a lot made of John Nathan-Turner's decision to keep the return of the Cybermen (and Adric's noble end) from the Radio Times. Currently, the BBC release spoilerific updates so freely that anyone with Doctor Who as a special interest would've known Clara's death was inevitable.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>8</b></span></span> It wasn't even a matter of when, but <i>how.</i><br />
<br />
Since Father's Day 2005, Doctor Who's been dealing with death in a way unavoidably influenced by the Petri dish of popular culture that it grows in. The outside world's now a completely different shape to the one that spun through a lonely void a generation ago. Communication's made it much smaller for a start. And...<br />
<br />
And, I don't think everyone's going to like what I'm about to type.<br />
<br />
The <i>only</i> way that a companion's death in current Doctor Who is going to have the same effect on the original viewers of Adric's demise that <i>his</i> death did, is if it follows the Spooks storyline that <i><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/the-zygon-invasion-time-shift.html" target="_blank">The Zygon Invasion</a> </i>so <i>wanted</i> to be, to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spooks_%28series_1%29#Helen_Flynn_controversy" target="_blank">its logical conclusion</a>. "You want your grown-up Doctor Who? <i>Here's</i> your grown-up Doctor Who!"<br />
<br />
I blame the Wilderness Years (and people who misread - and <i>continue </i>to misread - Alan Moore) for this.<br />
<br />
Doctor Who is a relay baton. This gets forgotten. It <i>has</i> to be handed on. Yes, it belonged to <i>you</i> for a brief period of your life. But that was <i>your</i> section of the race. And now it's over.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>9</b></span></span><br />
<br />
On the return helicopter journey, I checked some of the messages I'd been ignoring until after I'd watched <i>Face the Raven</i>. One of them was from a chap <a href="http://namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf006.html" target="_blank">who'd performed in Covent Garden the same lifetime ago</a>. His personal version of the Him's younger than mine, and therefore still part of Doctor Who's target audience. I'm envious of the way this chap gets to watch Doctor Who through the eyes of someone it's <i>supposed</i> to be aimed at: someone who <i>doesn't</i> read forums or gossip sites or the Radio Times or Twitter or Facebook or magazines. But that's entropy for you.<br />
<br />
And, through those eyes: Clara's eight minute speech was <i>essential</i>. Brave, important, truthful and - in a way that's kinder to Terry Nation's tropes than <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/sleep-no-more-time-shift.html" target="_blank">last week</a> - <i>justifies</i> a truly noble self-sacrifice. Clara's a hero to thousands and thousands of children. Complaining about it won't change that. She's a hero to them in the tradition of Greek Tragedy. <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/doctor-who-and-song-of-goats.html" target="_blank">Yes, she is.</a><br />
<br />
Clara's slow-motion walk to face the Raven is an astounding piece of bravery. For thousands and thousands of <i>children</i>. It's an <i>astonishing</i> lesson in taking responsibility for your actions; in doing the <i>right</i> thing, whatever.<br />
<br />
The me that stood next to the lion in Trafalgar Square laughed at the artifice of <i>Face the Raven</i>. I hope that the me that sat between its paws would be immature enough to appreciate the honesty.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is still <i>very</i> funny, mind.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>5.</b></span> None of this means anything/Synchronicity's a wonderful thing. <i> (Delete to confirm bias.)</i><br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>6.</b></span> Here's <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/from-there-to-here-and-back-again.html" target="_blank">one</a>. Here's <a href="http://watchingbooks.weebly.com/you-and-who-contact-has-been-made.html" target="_blank">another</a>. The second one's royalties go to Children in Need, but I know both of you already have a copy, so this is just blatant self-promotion. Bah.<br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>7.</b></span> This observation lovingly lifted from Bev.<br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>8.</b> </span> We've been <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/doctor-who-and-song-of-goats.html" target="_blank">predicting it since last year</a>. Not to be smug, but it was obvious. Name one companion Steven Moffat <i>hasn't</i> killed under his watch. I've made some comments in the past that suggest Mr <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/three-fold-musing.html" target="_blank">Moffat reads the blog</a> - and I'll do it again every time something I've suggested turns up in the show - but I don't <i>really</i> think he does. It's a mixture of Apophenia (I can't keep covering for you - everyone <i>knows</i> you've met), confirmation bias and detachment. Y'see, I <i>know</i> Doctor Who isn't - and should <i>never</i> be - made for me. Or the fans. Not any more anyway.<span style="color: lime;"><b>9</b></span><br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>9.</b> </span> Big Finish make Doctor Who for Doctor Who fans, and do an excellent job of it. So I'm told. </span> </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-8664936615891003352015-11-18T23:00:00.000+00:002015-11-20T12:15:25.629+00:00Thousands of years ago, which can't be right...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY9zbddPLIMkSb2TWbVMoDOGVkbBvY3OxCUPVIEjRYmHleUxAMx4l7UMXJTIZlSsgaSVJjg21ldPPxjjHjso6r-TQxegizc4MFrKAhSsHWS02tcWzfH886sGMwxNh1ucMJYeeSNkBq0ZQ/s1600/Al+No+-+You+and+Who+Else+illo+submission.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY9zbddPLIMkSb2TWbVMoDOGVkbBvY3OxCUPVIEjRYmHleUxAMx4l7UMXJTIZlSsgaSVJjg21ldPPxjjHjso6r-TQxegizc4MFrKAhSsHWS02tcWzfH886sGMwxNh1ucMJYeeSNkBq0ZQ/s400/Al+No+-+You+and+Who+Else+illo+submission.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i><br />The future is dark, the present burdensome. Only the past, dead and buried, bears contemplation.</i><br />
<b>- G. R. Elton</b><br />
<br />
Or<br />
<br />
<i>It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.</i><br />
<b>- Anne Sexton</b></div>
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I'm listening to the first <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSLDLznMz5U" target="_blank">Grinderman </a>album and waiting for payday. It's not the first time. Everything crossed it won't be the last. November's been an odd month. Odder than usual.<br />
<br />
This blog's not really about Doctor Who, y'know. It just looks like it is. Well, most of the time anyway. In much the same way that every picture is a self-portrait, every one of the two-hundred and thirty-summat posts me and him've posted're closer to amber-fixed (and permanently petrified) prehistoric insects than 'reviews' of a TV show. (Not that Doctor Who's <i>really</i> a TV show - but that's a chat for another day.)<br />
<br />
I've written <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/the-jealousy-of-doctor.html" target="_blank">elsewhere</a> about how the Him cajoled me into submitting typing toward a book. Things escalated in the way a handclap in a ski resort'll bring down the mountain. I'm going to add some links to the things I've written since as a direct result of his initial encouragement in a moment, but only after I get the next three paragraphs out of my system.<br />
<br />
I'm a lucky fellow, which is why I'm getting the chance to type this. You, lady and gentleman, are equally lucky to be reading it. Not lucky because I'm typing something worth reading, but because we're only occupying this particular moment as a result of chance occurrences that, currently, have totally failed to kill us. They will eventually, but we've somehow blundered this far without terminal mishap, so let's pretend we're special for a moment. Because we are. We're shaping the future. <br />
<br />
Annoyingly, there's no guarantee I'm as lucky as you. Y'see, you <i>have</i> to be alive to be reading this. My existence isn't guaranteed after I 'publish' it. I'm here now, but I might not be when you're reading this.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span> Just in case I'm not, there're a couple of things I'd like to say/type here. <br />
<br />
Mostly, I had a blast. Yeah, a lot of it was uphill, smelled a bit funny and seemed to consist of Fate kicking me in the face with big old boots, but... I met some incredible people on the climb. Wonderful, fierce, sparking and sparkling friends I'd give anything to hug in person/analogue rather than binary, but <i>any</i> connection is good. We're a glorious species, chums. All of us. Let's get off this rock, eh? Reignite the pioneer flame. <br />
<br />
Thanks for your indulgences. Now, I'm going to ruin the mood by trying to flog stuff.<br />
<br />
These're things I've written nearly-essays for as a direct result of the Him's encouragement. The royalties all go to charity and the books're composed of insights into many different lives and voices. No pressure at all. Personally, I'm glad you're even reading this. Have a hug.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOkZu18u-jEi1a25pZdTXVF8pbYQZ9nz69yVeo8XDe_uU-qLtcyrpeWydQoVJEAMT5eZpOGoUldqxZlL_dxaJAPKdcMOsfmh2xLXOaqfrMft7tah0i4nFeky3uA5AW0QnptoW4tpBy4WY/s1600/You+and+Who+Bumper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOkZu18u-jEi1a25pZdTXVF8pbYQZ9nz69yVeo8XDe_uU-qLtcyrpeWydQoVJEAMT5eZpOGoUldqxZlL_dxaJAPKdcMOsfmh2xLXOaqfrMft7tah0i4nFeky3uA5AW0QnptoW4tpBy4WY/s400/You+and+Who+Bumper.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The set can be collected <a href="http://watchingbooks.weebly.com/you-and-who-contact-has-been-made.html" target="_blank">here</a>. I'm in both, but don't let that and so on and so forth. <br />
All royalties to Children in Need.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp05s460EwUWkV40qTV0F39WjPME9mYgVBdpvAjbN2Ur8SVrC-ZpMEnIGkqhxG11-0YULhl6SO5kx50x6T_ASqArEKLHycUenNcYXQ4Om9EFtPIW65T2USaz1cmn6yr2O16uSnLUxgq3o/s1600/Blake%2528apostrophe%2529s+Heaven.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp05s460EwUWkV40qTV0F39WjPME9mYgVBdpvAjbN2Ur8SVrC-ZpMEnIGkqhxG11-0YULhl6SO5kx50x6T_ASqArEKLHycUenNcYXQ4Om9EFtPIW65T2USaz1cmn6yr2O16uSnLUxgq3o/s640/Blake%2528apostrophe%2529s+Heaven.jpg" width="450" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://watchingbooks.weebly.com/blakes-heaven.html" target="_blank">Worth it</a> for the logo and introduction alone. <br />
I managed to 'hide' all fifty-two story titles in my piece, but if I don't say that you won't notice. <br />
Again, all royalties to Children in Need. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXOVBdg8QSn9FX8ZFQh_vwHOdZpDVpkJbAbsNWrhsnfGXVJt8ipGN7c2k3lWavRQ6Tu7Oq7p4IMCgHG6G_FYiEXC-YQ-_5qgRZ4WKCqScl3kVnu32Cl0UTktSRss0R8j5kpXlxivZPepA/s1600/You+and+Who+Army.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXOVBdg8QSn9FX8ZFQh_vwHOdZpDVpkJbAbsNWrhsnfGXVJt8ipGN7c2k3lWavRQ6Tu7Oq7p4IMCgHG6G_FYiEXC-YQ-_5qgRZ4WKCqScl3kVnu32Cl0UTktSRss0R8j5kpXlxivZPepA/s640/You+and+Who+Army.jpg" width="420" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This <a href="http://watchingbooks.weebly.com/you-and-who-else.html" target="_blank">went live today</a>. <br />
(My essay explains what The Prisoner was all about, finally and indisputably.) <br />
All proceeds to the Terrence Higgins Trust.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b></span> I'm still hoping to get a short story out of this idea, so I hope I am. But bears drop out of the sky every day, so who knows? <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-3750040744055847952015-11-15T20:03:00.000+00:002015-11-17T22:30:31.644+00:00Sleep No More (time shift)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinuZ28CR_P4DTNc_aJIZ9RAjO-7N4a69JyCiZnbhzw9Utt1m1BENRT9uuadldjmqdbzRwVJ9HztEEcdZevfGsr__TIRuLeg6_sfd3rOoCxryh4WGuCtY-XLpF7DX4hQD6uSEsFHc93foI/s1600/262+-+Sleep+No+More.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinuZ28CR_P4DTNc_aJIZ9RAjO-7N4a69JyCiZnbhzw9Utt1m1BENRT9uuadldjmqdbzRwVJ9HztEEcdZevfGsr__TIRuLeg6_sfd3rOoCxryh4WGuCtY-XLpF7DX4hQD6uSEsFHc93foI/s640/262+-+Sleep+No+More.jpg" width="452" /></a></div>
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<i>With such an honest and inflexible openness to evidence, they could not fail to receive any real truth which might be manifesting itself around them.</i><br />
<b>- <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/498567-we-all-know-that-any-emotional-bias----irrespective-of" target="_blank">H.P. Lovecraft</a></b><br />
<br />
Or, if you want to be all <i>obvious</i> about it:<br />
<br />
<i>I will show you fear in a handful of dust.</i><br />
<b>- T.S. Eliot, <i>The Waste Land</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
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<b>Me:</b> Where shall we start?<br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> How late on was that one? Like, at night?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It was the same time. 2010 until 2100.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Do you think that the name was, y'know...?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I think that what we saw there was Mark Gatiss attempting to write a Steven Moffatesque script. And, what he actually produced has the same problems - almost exactly - as <i>Nightmare in Silver</i>. A lot of that would've looked great on paper, but just didn't work. With the exception of Peter Capaldi and Jenna Coleman, the performances weren't up to the script. That might be a directing issue. So...<br />
<br />
<i>A Space-Badger drifts by...</i><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> The found footage conceit...<br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> Oh, it wasn't. Let's just... No. It couldn't decide whether it wanted to be found footage or not, and I feel like it ended halfway through.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Well, that's 'cause it's set up things to come, hasn't it? It's the first part in the-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> In the 'Dust Saga'?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> The 'Dust Saga'. Yeah. Okay. I thought... Reece Shearsmith brought his <i>other</i> performance to it, of the two that he usually delivers - with the exception of the <i>third</i> one he managed to get out in <i>A Field in England</i>.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I get it. You don't like him, you don't like Mark Gatiss. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It's not that I don't <i>like </i>them, it's just that I think that their best work is an awful long time behind them and that there's nothing actually very new taking place with what they do. As far as pastiches go, which is what we usually see from Mark Gatiss, <i>that</i> episode referenced: <i>Flesh and Stone</i>, <i>The Invisible Enemy</i>, Predator, Alien, Judge Dredd, Sandman - and I can tell you which issue if you like<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span> - Oliver, <i>Journey to the Center of the TARDIS</i>, Spider Man 3, Event Horizon, Aliens, Peep Show, Prometheus, Macbeth, Sunshine, <i>42</i>, Monty Python, Doom, Quake, Pertwee-era Doctor Who, Ring, <i>The Space Pirates</i>, a little bit of Inception <i>and</i> involved Mark Gatiss taking the mick out of Terry Nation while at the same time proving <i>he's</i> no Steven Moffat, because the author's voice throughout that was a bit too loud and <i>far</i> too smug. It's <i>not</i> a found footage film either. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Spider Man 3?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, it's got Marvel's Sandman in it. And similar effects when he all falls apart.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Right. Was that <i>really </i>a reference?<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> Yeah. Probably. The way Rassmussen fell apart at the end was very reminiscent of the way that the Sandman falls apart in Spider Man 3. It's also - oddly enough - <i>not</i> the first found footage Doctor Who. It's just the first one that's canon. Do you remember back to the flurry of VAM before <i>Day of the Doctor</i>?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah, I do remember that. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> We had one then. <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/whoniversary-last-day.html" target="_blank"><i>The Last Day</i></a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> The intro was reminiscent of that. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eem2Ehq_xBI" target="_blank">Very.</a><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. It's a cut scene. <i>Sleep No More</i> comes across more like Peep Show than an actual found footage film.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> But it's <i>not</i> found footage. It kept cutting to bits that shouldn't have been recorded and perspectives that couldn't have been recorded. And it was all edited together, which is... What?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> The only way they're going to get away with that is if it turns out we're still inside someone's dream. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> We are, aren't we? We're still inside Clara's dream.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2</b></span></span> But that's what I mean. It ended half-way through. It was never resolved.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> I think that's going to turn into Clara's doom.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3</b></span></span> She's going to turn into a great big pile of walking snot. Which is Swamp Thing, so he can have that one too. I thought that Peter Capaldi was really good. We've got to come up with something positive we can say about it. Was it scary?<br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> I feel like it would've been better had we not seen them, 'cause they were essentially just giant humanoid things that were just mouths all the way down, and I've seen that kind of thing...<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, it was in <i>Nemesis the Warlock</i> back in... around about 1980?<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>4</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> Yeah, there's an enemy in Digital Devil Saga 2 that looks like them as well, but it's orange and has teeth in the mouth. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> This all felt like... There was nothing new there. Nothing we haven't seen before.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>5</b></span></span> It wasn't brave. It wasn't adventurous. It wasn't challenging. It was... It was...<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It was weird.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. Again, I thought Peter Capaldi and Jenna Coleman performed really well, and I think that the supporting cast did the best they could, but... It just goes to show why we don't get found footage stuff on TV. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It <i>wasn't</i> found footage, this is the thing. I think it would've been really good as found footage, 'cause you wouldn't have seen the dust-snot monsters. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It's a straight lift - well, near enough - it's a straight lift from Sunshine. Oh, I don't know.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>5</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I never did finish watching Sunshine.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> No. So, on <i>that</i> bombshell...<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Oh, I dunno, do you want to talk about next week's-<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> <i>Face the Raven</i>?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Is that what it's called?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Well, it's all about facing ravens, innit?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I've been trying to think of a pun involving Edgar Allan Poe and dust, but I just can't do it.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Well, you've got, "I will show you fear in a handful of dust,"<b><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;">6</span></span></b> which was used as advertising for Neil Gaiman's Sandman series, but that's not from Poe. Which is a shame.<br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> I've just been trying to think of... a <i>Poe</i>n, if you will.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha!<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> But I can't.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Alright then. D'you want to make a noise like a raven? Or just some dust?<br />
<br />
<i>The Him makes the noise of just some dust.</i><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And on <i>that</i> bombshell. <br />
<br />
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<span style="color: lime;"><b>TL; DR:</b></span> <br />
<b>Nightmare in Silver 2: Electric Bogies - BOO!</b></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b> </span> <a href="http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Sandman_Vol_2_3" target="_blank"><i>Sandman</i></a> #3, March 1989. But, seriously...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Sleep No More</i> is an odd thing. It's much less than the sum of its parts for a start, many of which're outlined above. The story's sloppy, the acting quality haphazard and the directing not quite as tight as something like this needs to be. It's also <i>not</i> found footage, did we mention that?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Whether you think found footage began in The Blair Witch Project rather than The Last Broadcast or Cannibal Holocaust - both of whom have much better claims - it's fair to say that <i>Sleep No More</i> fails the most basic format test by neglecting to kill off all its characters. Nope, the 'found footage' label is just the high-concept tag, or gimmick, slapped on this episode to make it quicker to explain. It's a shorthand for something that would've worked much better in almost any other medium. It's a shame it wasn't pitched to a publisher or even Big Finish instead. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Sleep No More</i>'s also far too pleased with itself to be let off lightly. The final speech delivered by Rassmussen/Gatiss breaks through the already shattered fourth wall with its self-congratulatory - Kroll save us - attempts at metatextualised post-modernism. And completely falls on its arse whilst doing so. If the preceding forty-two (or so) minutes had earned such self-indulgence then fair enough, but they blatantly hadn't. It also has the unfortunate effect of turning the opening speech about not watching this because you won't be able to unsee it, from story set-up to actual viewer advice.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Still, we should be thankful for small mercies. Murray Gold barely made his unnecessary presence felt. <br /><br />And at least it wasn't the two-parter the Baker Street Boys'd originally planned.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.denofgeek.com/tv/doctor-who/37823/doctor-who-steven-moffat-wants-a-sleep-no-more-sequel" target="_blank">Well, not <i>yet</i> anyway. <br /></a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b></span> Okay, we're not. But I don't think <i>this</i> time the audience can be blamed for not getting what was going on. <br /><br />And if it's <i>anyone's</i> dream, then it's Barbara's.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>3.</b></span> I don't really.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>4. </b><span style="color: black;">Actually it was August 1981, in 2000AD <a href="http://www.comicvine.com/2000-ad-223-prog-223/4000-125876/" target="_blank">Prog 223</a>. Can't blame a guy for trying.</span><b><br /><br />5.</b></span> I'm <i>nearly </i>convinced that the bits that looked like Reece Shearsmith was reading his lines from a board hidden just off-camera were an homage to <i>The Three Doctors</i>. Perhaps to make up for the one that was, thankfully, left in the cutting room bin following the final edit of <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/an-adventure-in-space-and-time.html" target="_blank"><i>An Adventure in Space and Time</i></a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: lime;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">6</span>.</b></span> <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-23493467678551777092015-11-09T20:03:00.000+00:002015-11-10T02:24:16.503+00:00Downtime (one last time)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: red;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">BEFORE </span></b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVRgBrFBotv3fr_tlSu_Q-BglhGBS1Eump4t042FFzRddZ1j7Qjc__w4enS_XUrIb5fRnh1PwhB3jcCLs7W29zJCOSXEnWAM6DJZBXSyfH2TlOPYzTtcXeyqmR7yPuzptuTK74CdiHYCA/s1600/Downtime.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVRgBrFBotv3fr_tlSu_Q-BglhGBS1Eump4t042FFzRddZ1j7Qjc__w4enS_XUrIb5fRnh1PwhB3jcCLs7W29zJCOSXEnWAM6DJZBXSyfH2TlOPYzTtcXeyqmR7yPuzptuTK74CdiHYCA/s640/Downtime.JPG" width="452" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Pass the crystal/Spread the tarot</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">- Eldritch, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alice</i></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">This ‘review’ of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Downtime</i> has been wandering around the internet in various forms
for the last couple of years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Downtime</i> itself is showing signs of
escaping captivity within the next week, it seemed only fair to trot this
disorientating chunk of text out for a final canter: let it feel the wind in its
face, the sun in its fur, the screams in its ears – that sort of thing.<br />
<br />
As with fairly much everything on this blog, it’s probably not about what it
looks like it’s about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You might want to
scatter some breadcrumbs as you wander through it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Y’know, in case you get lost.<br />
<br />
It’s at this point that I feel obliged to state for the record that I’m not at this time,
and have <i>never </i>been, a goth.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<span style="color: red;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">DURING </b></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"> </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj27PWZJ0BGIrnBRf_iRNQYzyimdpO2GoGT2nsyzs6TsfMY0ShjndwzZNwcXuQRheONobriICqDsjsMqC2oZyFvYW1GxzzIeayh76gYOR9O1mRDBaaMCS50lrNP-kAbY1UDpmN2VOVo0eA/s1600/People%2527s+Republic+Membership+Badge.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj27PWZJ0BGIrnBRf_iRNQYzyimdpO2GoGT2nsyzs6TsfMY0ShjndwzZNwcXuQRheONobriICqDsjsMqC2oZyFvYW1GxzzIeayh76gYOR9O1mRDBaaMCS50lrNP-kAbY1UDpmN2VOVo0eA/s400/People%2527s+Republic+Membership+Badge.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">In illusion/Comfort lies</span></i><span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">- Eldritch, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alice</i></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">It's been twenty-three years since <a href="http://sisterswiki.org/Sat,_24-Nov-1990">Wembley</a>. The Doctor
turned twenty-seven yesterday. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
Twenty-three years (and change) since Wembley. In that time an ocean of
river's run under more bridges than you'd even find in Hamburg. New
names; loads of pack-drill.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
Shaved for the occasion. Head right to the front, crush up against the
barrier and get the sweating in early.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every
drop picks out tiny razor tears and magnifies them.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Lights. Smoke. Scream for
speed, girls - here we go.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">It's a different gig in the front. Up
with the gods twenty-three years (and a lifetime) ago, trying to guess which blur
was which. Now the Abyss looks right on back. And points.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">"It's for you. It's all for
you." </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">Rise; reverberating. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">AFTER</span></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieaxpoBiWcXBMrHYWJdqEJuYaaoEPDMRw9GFDQmq-cClbXkFfmatArtJ3ZM_3h8ouva7BVpDuvh51PACYldaSVcrKo_5xw38CFdY0ecflDUc5QUYSwwEAeMzCT5IYq46NUdvhQbG5I7sI/s1600/Utterly+Bastard+Groovy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieaxpoBiWcXBMrHYWJdqEJuYaaoEPDMRw9GFDQmq-cClbXkFfmatArtJ3ZM_3h8ouva7BVpDuvh51PACYldaSVcrKo_5xw38CFdY0ecflDUc5QUYSwwEAeMzCT5IYq46NUdvhQbG5I7sI/s400/Utterly+Bastard+Groovy.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No confusion/No surprise</i><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">- Eldritch, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alice</i></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">So, yeah, I loved <a href="http://www.the-sisters-of-mercy.com/">The Sisters of Mercy</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">I came to music fairly slowly. When I
was really small it didn’t bother me, I was much more into reading. The
writing, drawing and falling off things came later. Books, comics, trees
and toys – <i>that’s</i> where satori came from. Childhood’s an odd state
where everything’s incomprehensible and slightly bigger; dreams and colours are
clearer than they’ll ever be again, you might say. And I <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf015.html">will</a>.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">The first record I remember having was an
accidental purchase. I’d really, really wanted the soundtrack to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Empire Strikes Back</i> – so this
must’ve been 1980. The WH Smiths in Newport used to be a double-level
beauty crouching opposite the Market,<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>2</b></span></span>
with all the vinyl stocked on the first floor. They didn’t have the
record I was after, so I picked up Jeff Wayne’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of H.G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds</i>
instead.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>6</b></span></span> After that, I was taping
radio dramas, picking up soundtracks on cassette where possible and recording
TV programmes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">onto</i> cassettes,
so I could listen to them later. (Alfred Hitchcock Presents rather than
Doctor Who, like you’d think.) </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">I graduated from soundtracks onto Adam and
the Ants and a selection of compilation records that collected hits of the
day. These would either be picked up in branches of Boots, Smiths,
Woolworths or from Seeley’s on Hill Road. Nobody reading this’ll have a
clue where that is, which is shame as it’ll <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">almost</i>
crop up again after the next paragraph.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">I’d listen to soundtracks while reading
books or reading and drawing comics. The soundtracks I liked the best
were the ones that had moments of proper drama. The truck chase in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Raiders of the Lost Ark</i> still sticks
out. I got the same trigger from the Burundi-influenced drum twins, Terry
Lee Miall and Merrick<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>7</b></span></span> and that
started driving me toward more full-on music. Well, that and
puberty. After a brief dalliance with metal in its hairiest forms, I
settled on early The Queen, which in turn led to The Sisters of Mercy, long
hair, cowboy boots and recording studios.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">My first gig was in a venue you can see in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/fic-n-pix-judge-minty.html">M*****man</a></i>.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>8</b></span></span> The third was in an underground
bar opposite Seeley’s and hidden in fog. We did a lot of Sisters songs
but none by The Queen. Over Christmas we recorded a demo in Bristol’s <a href="http://www.bristolarchiverecords.com/people/people_Steve_Risley.html">Riz</a><a href="http://www.bristolarchiverecords.com/people/people_Steve_Risley.html">ound
Studios</a> and in the New Year we headlined the Bierkeller. We did one
more gig and then split up due to ‘physical differences’. I went to
college and formed another band along with a chap who’d already had a letter
published in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Doctor Who Comic </i>(that’s
what it’s called). We listened to a lot of Sisters but didn’t cover
any. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">In 1995 I formed <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/">a new band with</a><a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/"> a Frenchman</a>. We played <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf000.html">Floorshow</a> for a
while before moving on to <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf939393.html">other things</a>. In
the University of East Anglia, similar madness was taking place, albeit on a
much grander scale.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">Downtime</span></i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b><span lang="EN-GB">9</span></b></span></span><span lang="EN-GB"> is a sequel to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-abominable-snowmen.html">The
Abominable Snowmen</a></i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2013/11/travers-tales.html">The
Web of Fear</a></i>. Although it wasn’t endorsed by the BBC, they sure
let a lot of their staff have a crack at it. The Reeltime film came out
as a video premiere in September. Written by Marc (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ghost Light</i>) Platt, it begins with <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-evil-of-daleks.html">Victoria
Waterfield</a> returning to Det-Sen Monastery fifteen years ago and continues
in a fan-pleasing vein for much of the rest of its sixty-seven minutes.
Familiar faces, lines and locations make an appearance in something that should
really be unwatchable, but isn’t. I’m not going to give the story away,
because it would be nice if this cropped up as VAM on a future “Yeti Tales”
boxset. Well, a guy can dream. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">I was going to say a lot of clever things
about the character of Hinton being a double-bluff – referencing both the late <a href="http://keithtopping.blogspot.co.uk/2006/12/craig-hinton.html">Craig
Hinton</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Howard_Hinton">the
inventor of the tesseract</a> – designed with <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2013/11/opinions.html">Moffat</a>ian
precision to distract the fan from what’s actually going on. I planned to
point out the themes of education, aging, technology and the way that time is a
perceptive illusion. Platt’s lifted moments of (almost) occult
mathematics from the gutters of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">From Hell</i>
- check out the two guys on the beach in the dream sequence if you don’t
believe me. This is a writer who totally understands the Cartmel
Masterplan. Throughout, the whole thing's suffused with the terror of the
<a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/whoniversary.html">Millennium
Bug</a>: its huge wings and invisible teeth.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">This makes sense to me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">In 1999 things were going gooey. I
screamed <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf007.html">a pop song
that wasn’t</a> into a Maida Vale microphone in the same building that gave us
the Greatest Theme in the History of Ever. Laughing at the bear under the
stairs as it eats off your leg isn’t really a career move. These things
only look cool if you can get the angle right.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">Whatever’s wrong with it, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Downtime</i> is made from love and
high-energy enthusiasm. Every penny is on the screen. The old chums
shine, the guests… Not so much. <br />
<br />
Other criticisms? The music tries too hard; the camera direction’s
inconsistent; the editing’s flabby and you can see the seeds of Craig Hinton’s
greatest term in every in-joke that plays to the inner-circle. That’s
about it though. It’s on a par with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">School
Reunion</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Sontaran Stratagem</i>
by dint of spawning them, which is about all you really need to
know. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/">Fan love manifests in strange ways</a>.
Sometimes it’s a success; sometimes it’s weird; sometimes it makes a
difference, sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes you can’t tell <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what’s</i> happened. Or how you ended
up wherever the hell it is you are.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB">So, yeah, I loved The Sisters of
Mercy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Seriously</i> loved them. <br />
<br />
Still do.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">1.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"> <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf019.html">And
did</a>. “If I have to explain then <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT_poNeHn-M" target="_blank">you’ll never understand</a>.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">2.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"> Newport Market was a treasure trove for a while. When I
was heading toward my teens, I found that the second-hand bookshop on the
balcony also sold comics and seemed to have back issues of all the must-have
titles that couldn’t be found <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anywhere</i>.
I still hadn’t heard about comic shops at this point, so most of my periodical-excavating
was being done in newsagents.<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">3</b></span> <br /><br />Later
on I discovered where they hid the record shops. In fact, for a while
there – around the age of 14 - I could sniff out shops selling comics or
records in a city that I’d never visited before. These days I don’t go
anywhere new.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">3.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"> There used to be three comic shops/stalls in Cardiff.
One was in Jacob’s Market where the Abzorbaloff later lived; one was stocked by the
Roach brothers (only half of whom now draw the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> black bits of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Doctor
Who Comic</i> strip) slightly above where the Philharmonic<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">4</b></span> spewed onto Saint Mary Street and the last one was Roath Books which sat on City
Road. Roath Books was fantastic. I’d spend hours in there.
Saturdays would fade away to the flicking sound of mylar bags as I went through
every single box, the proprietor chatting to the weird little goblin
creature while it distracted him from whichever sign he was painting that week.<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">5</b></span> <br /><br />I’ll tell you about Adam
Warlock one day. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">4.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"> Years later, the band played many gigs there; a couple
were doomed, <a href="http://www.namelessonline.co.uk/wtf/wtf004.html">one got
bootlegged</a> and one got written up by the Big Issue. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">5.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"> I remember when all this were motorway/jumpers for
goalposts/Spangles/Yorkies made your gums bleed etc. etc. </span></div>
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<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">6.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"> </span> I’ve told you about <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/fic-n-pix-judge-minty.html">the
time that I <i>didn’t</i> meet </a><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/fic-n-pix-judge-minty.html">Phil
Lynott</a>, yeah? Very strange. The pub it happened in, the Park Vaults,
doesn’t seem to exist anymore.<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">5</b></span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">7.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"> Years later the band recorded a version of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcfkY-z-1e8" target="_blank"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kings of the Wild Frontier</i></a> as part of a radio session for BBC Wales, closing something
shaped a bit like a circle. The Adam and the Ants Fan Club said they liked
it and gave it a bronze medal at a convention.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">8.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"> See <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-payphone-story.html">The
Payphone Story</a> and <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/fic-n-pix-judge-minty.html">Judge
Minty</a> blog posts for the gory details. Oddly enough, <a href="https://marvel.com/comics/issue/50327/miracleman_by_gaiman_buckingham_2015_2" target="_blank">the story in question</a> was reprinted by Marvel a couple of months ago. It was quite a big deal. Probably in almost every comic shop in the country. That wheel keeps spinning.</span></div>
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<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">9.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"> For a week there, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">every
</i>Doctor Who spin-off had a compound word for a title.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlwROFF4jboI8KoV9_TZSUcaevlcEDiB1qlAuz3pJb5kxogvW89KlPNZlcarrXGYM8KR9Q0DwFj_mQvp6UffMTuuZS7QYnbstQzkabQIWVkFuVNyFIyzleZ4L1GxxJgINUuj_vzZV0REw/s1600/We+don%2527+need+no.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlwROFF4jboI8KoV9_TZSUcaevlcEDiB1qlAuz3pJb5kxogvW89KlPNZlcarrXGYM8KR9Q0DwFj_mQvp6UffMTuuZS7QYnbstQzkabQIWVkFuVNyFIyzleZ4L1GxxJgINUuj_vzZV0REw/s400/We+don%2527+need+no.JPG" width="287" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-GB">Most
of this ‘review’ of <i>Downtime</i> was originally
published in the <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.com/2013/11/travers-tales.html">Travers
Tales Winter Special</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB">It then went
through a couple of revisions which’re <a href="http://phantasmaglory.blogspot.com/2013/12/downtime.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://phantasmaglory.blogspot.com/2014/07/downtime-again.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span lang="EN-GB">This
(final) revision is dedicated to </span></b><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">my
long-suffering PA</b></span>. <br /> <br /><b>Extra blame (in no particular): </b></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><b> </b>the encyclopaedic<b> </b><span style="color: lime;"><b><a href="http://sisterswiki.org/" target="_blank">sisterswiki.org</a> </b><span style="color: black;">for release dates and images </span></span> </span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB">(I <i>should</i> really have laid everything on the floor, climbed a stepladder and just taken a photo), <span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br />J.R.</b></span>, <span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Bev</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Kev</b><span style="color: black;">,</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Rev </b><span style="color: black;">(not <i>that</i> one),</span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Gruff</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Giz</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Brian</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Rob</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Stony</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Mark</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Tony</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Stu</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Phil</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Way</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Dr. Will</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Sklav</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> <br />James</b><span style="color: black;">, </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Emma</b><span style="color: black;">,</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Adam</b><span style="color: black;">,</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Glyn</b><span style="color: black;">,</span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">the Rev </b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">(not <i>that</i> one),</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Rated</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Dems</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">,</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Rhods</b></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">and</span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;"> </span>Lee</b></span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /> </span><br />
<b>It also comes with </b></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB">an extra-special<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>cheery
wave of the arms to all the folk in the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://www.myheartland.co.uk/index.php">Heartland</a></b>.</span><br />
<br />
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<![endif]-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-69051749368943029012015-11-07T23:00:00.000+00:002015-11-07T23:29:16.460+00:00The Zygon Inversion (time shift)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-_MatGvk_oVk0GkzI5hRqEzKgIcgERGu5b494iKd2UxwNVm8JLky9F9_D1EvCPulLbCWQZhHfbPoOEDmLo7XaWZ_g_3WxFnL7SOxfsa4Q7IQcqwfQ86CfQEfBcSDufncTJkJlZPXKtHo/s1600/261+-+The+Zygon+Inversion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-_MatGvk_oVk0GkzI5hRqEzKgIcgERGu5b494iKd2UxwNVm8JLky9F9_D1EvCPulLbCWQZhHfbPoOEDmLo7XaWZ_g_3WxFnL7SOxfsa4Q7IQcqwfQ86CfQEfBcSDufncTJkJlZPXKtHo/s640/261+-+The+Zygon+Inversion.jpg" width="450" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.</i><br /><b>- Sun Tzu</b><br /><br />Or, if you want to be all <i>obvious</i> about it:<br /><br /><i>It might be a good idea if the various countries of the world would occasionally swap history books, just to see what other people are doing with the same set of facts.</i><br /><b>- Bill Vaughan</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<b>Me: </b> What did you think of that?<br /><br /><b>Him: </b> I think the name... I'm done talking about the names.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Right. Did you enjoy it?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yeah.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Did you think it was better than last week's?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yeah. <br /><br /><b>Me:</b> It was, wasn't it? It was a <i>lot</i> better than last week's. D'you know what else? I think that... might've been a rewrite. I think they had to change what that was originally going to be and I think it was rewritten, because there's an awful lot of Steven Moffat in that. The whole bit with Clara and Zygella? That's straight from <i>Silence in the Library</i>.<br /><br /><i>Sea Badger. See? Badger.</i><br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Okay.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> And the buttons were from <i>The Beast Below</i>. In many ways it was like Steven Moffat's greatest hits, but it really played to his strengths. Rather than this cack-handed political... thing... that last week attempted to do, this was... It was dialogue-heavy and it gave a chance for Peter Capaldi and Jenna Coleman-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Peter Capaldi's speech was great. It was amazing. <br /><br /><b>Me: </b> It was good, wasn't it?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> And it was... quiet as well. It was just him.<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> Yes, because there was no music.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yeah. <br /><br /><b>Me:</b> And it makes it much more powerful when it's quiet, doesn't it?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Uh huh.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> The fact that they <i>didn't</i> tarnish Harry Sullivan's memory in the end-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yeah.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> That he <i>hadn't</i> created a chemical and biological- y'know? Fair play. <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> It wasn't a chemical weapon, it had just been labelled as such to try and keep people away from it. <br /><br /><b>Me:</b> They were very lucky to get away with the start, with a plane being blown up, considering what's been going on in the news this week. I think they were lucky, probably, that it even went out. So, any other bits you really liked?<br /> <br /><b>Him:</b> It's your turn to talk, 'cause you've no doubt got a million things to talk about.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> No, that's basically all I've really got to say about it. I really enjoyed it. <i>Some</i> of it... Yeah, I could find... But there's no point. As a whole, it was-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> But you <i>like</i> complaining.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> I don't really. I'd much rather it was good. I was wondering whether it was going to be a kind of... Um... Because each of the stories this season has turned on its head and one of the episodes has been much more dialogue-heavy than the other one, I thought tonight's might've been a bit more like the Davros chat. Just the Doctor talking to somebody about something, it felt like it might've gone that way, but it didn't in the end. I don't think Clara's got very long left, to be honest. Probably a fortnight at most. In fact, I think it's going to be a fortnight and then she's gonna go. Seeing as Morpheus is in the next one... In <i>Sandman</i>, Morpheus is the father of Orpheus, and Orpheus has to descend into the underworld-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've given me all this stuff before. <br /><br /><b>Me:</b> -to get Eurydice. So that's definitely something that's happening. <i>The Zygon Inversion</i> gave Jenna Coleman a... People've been complaining she's been sidelined this season.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Well, you said that there'd be an episode where-<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> It would be Clara-heavy? Yeah. But also, I think it's because it's bought them time. Because Jenna Coleman didn't go, a lot of this series probably had to be rewritten. It feels as though, probably, this series wouldn't necessarily've had a companion in it. <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yeah.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> So... You'd have had Missy in the first story, then after that one it'd have been... um... Well, anyone from the base in <i>Under the Lake</i> - they were like companions in that, because people travelled with the Doctor then. Then it would've been Ashildr...<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yeah.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Basically fulfilling the companion role. And then, at this point, they've caught up-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Which would explain why she was a recurring character in two episodes in a row.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Ah! Yeah. But... This is where my whole theory kind of flounders a bit, because <i>that</i> I think, has been pushed in there because Ashildr has to come back and kill Clara. They had to make the character important enough to do that, and the only way to do that was to stick her whole story together. Could Osgood've gone with the Doctor?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Well, they keep setting it up as a potential...<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Well, Clara's managing to do a quite important job <i>and</i>-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> It's not important to her.<br /><br /><b>Me: </b> Ha! Doesn't feel like it, does it? "Five rounds rapid"? I think we've got to let that one go. I do think that was heavily rewritten by Steven Moffat. I also think that Steven Moffat is, and has always been, head and shoulders, pretty much, over everyone else who writes for the show. That's why he's able to pull stuff like that out of his hat. 'Cause... With him getting a writing credit, that's not like last year with the school scenes, where the <i>whole arc</i> was about getting rid of Clara - and then, of course, Jenna Coleman doesn't leave. It's not... It's still variations on stuff that he always does.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Hmm.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> But the stuff he always does isn't bad, so... That's why he gets away with it. So, on <i>that</i> bombshell- Unless you want to make Zygon noises? I thought the Zygons looked better in this.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> I don't even know how you judge things anymore. <br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Why not?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> I think you usually judge how good the CGI is, based on the writer.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Ha! Yeah. I do.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Ha!<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> And on <i>that</i> bombshell.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-72651555500639074982015-11-01T12:11:00.000+00:002015-11-01T15:35:17.891+00:00The Zygon Invasion (time shift)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixPm2pq-lmu8olQ3LBtBYr8WDYrMzC8QbPpxoPQ0fRqWl5xgALiMQaQyEs_GWmdr9kvKQP9w3gav7o6CWbscCQvaKT0E0G2QUJ44zLDW5WmtmwRh3X5CCrQio5MJIz3mbD5yZaVNa8brI/s1600/260+-+The+Zygon+Invasion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixPm2pq-lmu8olQ3LBtBYr8WDYrMzC8QbPpxoPQ0fRqWl5xgALiMQaQyEs_GWmdr9kvKQP9w3gav7o6CWbscCQvaKT0E0G2QUJ44zLDW5WmtmwRh3X5CCrQio5MJIz3mbD5yZaVNa8brI/s640/260+-+The+Zygon+Invasion.jpg" width="444" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year.</i><br />
<b>- John Foster Dulles</b><br />
<br />
Or, if you want to be all obvious about it:<br />
<br />
<i>In communities where men build ships for their own sons to fish or fight from, quality is never a problem.</i><br />
<b>- J. Deville</b><br />
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<b>Me:</b> Right. Well. What did you think it should've been called?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> '<span class="st">Schrödinger</span>'s Zygon'.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, I'd agree about that.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I said that right from the start as well.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> You <i>did</i>. Well...<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I don't know where you're going to start, there's no obvious ordering to your notes. It's just been written in a frenzied rage. In blood.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>SEA BADGER</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. '<i>Zed</i>. Sixty-seven.' "This plot-point lifted from <i>Warriors of the Deep</i>," which is nice. It's <i>The Poison Sky</i> all over again. For a start. We've got that going on... The music didn't help.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It was more subtle than it usually is, 'cause I could hear the dialogue. Usually, you can't hear the dialogue, it's, "DUM DE DUMM DUMM MURRAY MURRAY DUMM DE DUM DUM!"<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> It's interesting that as the music gets, somewhat, more subtle-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I don't know if he's not even that bad, right, or if I'm just so used to him now that I don't really even notice it any more.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. Well. Hmmmm. Okay. Filming that in Cardiff might've been a bit touchy, for <a href="http://uk.reuters.com/article/2015/09/09/uk-mideast-crisis-britain-idUKKCN0R92CH20150909" target="_blank">various reasons</a>. It's... painted with <i>very</i> broad strokes which doesn't leave it much room for subtlety. I'm not sure that <i>Doctor Who</i>'s the place to attempt to do <i>Spooks</i> storylines but, there we go. It's all over the shop. That was a mess.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It's three stories.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I'm guessing they were all supposed to come together by the end. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> All of which move at the wrong speed. Things contradict other things that've been in it. Y'know... The old Zygons wouldn't have fitted into the story that the current production team wanted to tell so, rather than create an entirely new species that doesn't have any built-in nostalgia bonus-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> No. It's probably that the Zygons look quite effective.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> They've <i>never</i> looked more like men in suits than they do this week.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> That's not what I meant, but okay.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Even in the 1970s they looked more convincing than they do here.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah, but you're the man that thought that <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/7a/Doctor_Who_and_the_Dinosaur_Invasion.jpg" target="_blank"><i>KKLAK!</i></a> was an effective sound effect-<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha!<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Along with '<i>ROOOAR!</i>'<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Nothing wrong with '<i>ROOOAR!</i>' <i>The Zygon Invasion</i>'s attempting to deal with things that're incredibly complicated-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah, but it was- I feel like it's got good potential to it. But... No. I did disagree with you when we were watching it, but I do think you're right. It doesn't belong as a... <i>Doctor Who</i> episode...<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Well, in the 60s and 70s <i>Doctor Who</i> discussed mining and issues surrounding rights and things like that, but it <i>didn't </i>go full-on about the IRA. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> This <i>does</i> have a lot of potential, but, yeah, for varying reasons it- It's supposed to be a sort of psychological thriller.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, but it's not. It's too-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It doesn't work because- I guess this is what Steven Moffat meant by, "Here's your grown-up <i>Doctor Who</i>." <br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> Ha!<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> But it still doesn't come across as that, as it can't <i>be</i> grown up <i>Doctor Who</i>.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Because they're not making it as grown up <i>Doctor Who</i>. It's still got to be a case of, "Well, this is this character and they're like this-"<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> But sometimes you've got to remember that it's not for <i>you</i>.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, I know it's not for <i>me</i>, but I'm not sure <i>who</i> it's being aimed at.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Well, that's true.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Maybe it'll all pull together next week. We'll see.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> No, it all pulled together at the end. That's what I mean. That's when it's supposed to all pull together seamlessly, at the end. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> But it doesn't.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> No. <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> And it's not just that, it's the fact that-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Well, it <i>does</i>, it's just not that... seamless.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Here y'go. What time-scale was that story told in? Bearing in mind how long it takes to fly from one place to another.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Oh, but it's a secret super plane.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> Yeah. It's all over the place. It's really messy. And some of the stuff that's supposed to be subtle, y'know, 'No British. No Dogs.' It just doesn't-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> 'No Visigoths'.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Groovy. It <i>looked</i> nice. Looked like they'd spent some money on it. Problem is, with these two-parters, if you get stuck with a clunker, you're stuck with a clunker for-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah, why do they keep doing the two-parters? Why? <br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It's to allow the story to breathe more. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> With <i>The Girl Who Died</i> and <i>The Woman Who Lived</i> or <i>The Lady That Almost Lived</i> and all that stuff. I guess that wasn't technically a two-parter, that was supposed to be "two separate episodes with an interlinking character."<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> There's a lot of really good ideas in this that, for whatever reason, they just haven't had the chance to pull together. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Yeah, I do think that had a lot of potential, like I said.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It bothers me when I see something with a lot of potential that doesn't work. As opposed to, say, something with no potential that doesn't work. Something with a lot of potential can't be done again.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> Gotta be said though, that episode did contain possibly the funniest scene in this series of <i>Doctor Who</i> so far...<br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> Ha!<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Which was the scene outside the church... Ha!<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It did remind you of-<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It was <i>terrible</i>! <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It reminded you of Garth Marenghi's version of On the Sidewalk Bleeding...<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>(I'm in fits at this stage, just remembering. <br />This is probably quite an important moment, lady and gentleman. When me and the Him were working our way through the traditional ascent of the Classic series of </i>Doctor Who<i>, we laughed a lot. Mostly, this was as a direct result of something intentionally funny happening in the script or the performance. Every now and again it was because the production team had tried something that hadn't been as successful as it looked in the script or director/producer's head. <br />However, the thing that reduced us to hysteria last night wasn't on the same scale as a stagehand dropping a bird on a lizard - it was, I'd argue, a fundamental stumble in the production itself. <br />That scene on the the steps should've been heartbreaking. <br />It wasn't, because we didn't care. <br />For more on this, see: </i><span style="color: lime;"><b>SEA BADGER</b></span><i>.) </i> </div>
<br />
<b>Me:</b> That bit was... Oh, dearie me.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> "Laura. Laura. Laura."<br />
<br />
<b>Us:</b> "And bits of sick." <br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b>SEA BADGER</b></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
That was a mess. Too many ideas and plotlines from other shows - <i>Battlestar Galactica</i>, <i>Spooks</i> and even bloody <i>Torchwood</i>, may Kroll have mercy on our black souls - and not enough time. Which is rich, seeing as this is another two-parter. <br />
<br />
I'm sure that Harry was only hinted at in order to offer plausible deniability to any fans of the character, but seeing as the Brigadier got a go last series - and this one <i>does</i> feature Zygons - it's to be expected. <br />
<br />
So. It looks as though the real-world events that deleted <i>that</i> scene from <i>Robot of Sherwood</i> had the misfortune to pop up on a producer's radar. I say 'producer' in order to offer plausible deniability to anyone who fancies it. Bet it sounded fab in tone meetings. I bet it also looked great on paper. Unfortunately, to me, it stunk on the screen. <br />
<br />
<i>The Zygon Invasion</i> falls into the usual potholes of fan fiction - most obviously the ones involving Returning Characters and the law of diminishing returns. This felt like the sort of thing that might be pitched to Big Finish: lots of familiar faces and a 'gritty' real-world problem to be addressed. Unfortunately, it's less about the real-world problem than pleasing the fans - which is a shame because, to quote Dez Skinn again, "...the fans'll buy it anyway."<br />
<br />
There was an opportunity to address something relevant there, to address a problem that's as much political as it is religious. <i>Battlestar Galactica</i> had the guts to go for the religion, <i>The Zygon Invasion</i> barely mustered any commentary at <i>all</i> - not even reaching the less-than-dizzying heights of 'massive weapons of destruction'. <br />
<br />
The Clara story was done better when it was Fleshy Amy Pond, Osgood's story doesn't make sense, and not just going on what we know about Zygons, but within <i>Doctor Who</i> itself. Lines are thrown in to explain away continuity errors, but I'm guessing that's down to budget restrictions, Steven Moffat used to patch things like that up with 'prologues', 'preludes' and other VAM. Of course, VAM can't be canon, so those plot-holes <i>still </i>gawp open like unshut trapdoors for the majority of <i>Doctor Who</i>'s actual audience.<br />
<br />
As to an audience, who was that aimed at? It sails close to some really unpleasant things - things that would often cause an episode to be edited (or pulled completely) for reasons of taste and compassion if they coincided with an event with a bodycount that'd made headlines. It sails close, then... Nothing. In many ways, it came across as gutless. If these things are going to be addressed by the BBC's flagship family-entertainment show, then at least have the courage to actually <i>do it</i>. <br />
<br />
Personally, I think that would've been better served in one of two ways. Either do it properly - and have it as the backbone for the entire twelve-episodes, exploring nuances, contradictions, the motivations behind these things - whilst taking welcome potshots at manipulative nonsense like <i>24</i> or Fox News - or... Pitch it to Big Finish as something that'll slot in one of the gaps they've found sitting between TARDIS jaunts for their Russell T. Davies era of box sets. Simply swap Osgood for Martha and you're good to go.<br />
<br />
Maybe this'll turn out to be the greatest story in <i>Doctor Who</i>'s history. I hope so. So far, each of the two-parters has had an uneven balance: one is superior to the other. As to which way round that is, well, personal taste, innit? Like what I'm saying here. <br />
<br />
I really hope that <i>The Zygon Inversion</i> is as good as it possibly can be. And that better not involve the Doctor just going back in time and changing the goalposts, because that isn't an option for any of the people caught up in the real world issues that this story 'addressed' as a piece of Saturday entertainment for the family. I'm <i>very</i> willing to have the rug pulled away, and be blind-sided by something really special.<br />
<br />
Right now, anything less than that would be just plain rude.</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-36166158524658517132015-10-30T09:24:00.000+00:002015-10-30T10:37:38.978+00:00"One more day 'til Hallowe'en"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDT0v8XU2nPfA74P-bdI_HOkSvuj0xUzPIH-iEwX91OvGr59OgCe3gUuvScXlM-SCxhhjV20vf0SK5ooz0GMkiY8_TFGZ6gXaOUiMBF0fWHF5K9sEk_1jIeDgnsJl5NO8xaAcVTH0ZP3o/s1600/30+-+Your+Horror+Collection.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDT0v8XU2nPfA74P-bdI_HOkSvuj0xUzPIH-iEwX91OvGr59OgCe3gUuvScXlM-SCxhhjV20vf0SK5ooz0GMkiY8_TFGZ6gXaOUiMBF0fWHF5K9sEk_1jIeDgnsJl5NO8xaAcVTH0ZP3o/s400/30+-+Your+Horror+Collection.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">30. Your Horror Collection. (DVD mix). <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23MonthOfMacabre&src=typd" target="_blank">#MonthOfMacabre</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-62654321290743902542015-10-27T03:20:00.000+00:002015-11-29T23:21:50.322+00:00Doctor Who Wants To Live Forever <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmUZgm2SFx9gxGMCqHkE149q2hfEQomtu9jgThrKUQLHhK73aZbFOeRgRS-6Usy148C_E_tXlcrJDdVewaC_lHsSTtroXIYyrpjjn8JWBeIUxduByvg3InI8ArUBluZcdZDtaW_4vQdCA/s640/Doctor+Who+Wants+To+Live+Forever.jpg" width="420" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Vi veri veniversum vivus vici.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>- Dr. John Faust (attrib.)</b></div>
<span style="color: lime;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="color: lime;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB">This is the text of an
audio ‘lecture’ that I’ll be delivering at some point in the near future.</span></b></span><span lang="EN-GB"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB">The Queen<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span> once asked, somewhere else, “Who
Wants to Live Forever?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Leaving aside
the fact that they then request that you touch their wart with your fingertips,
let’s see if we can find an answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
maybe flag up why the thirty-fifth series of <i>Doctor Who</i> might be starting to
wobble alarmingly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> <br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><br />
Let’s start where we’ll end: Greece.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
while ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Ancient Greeks had the
idea that <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrx4rzBGdIw" target="_blank">body and soul</a> were united together eternally: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IbhQFmXsZc" target="_blank">first</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IbhQFmXsZc" target="_blank">last</a>,
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IbhQFmXsZc" target="_blank">always</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, this was a time when
mythic traditions were still being regarded as historically accurate – mostly because
it didn’t do your family any harm to be related to a god a few generations
back. Even so, the Greeks noticed that bodies had an annoying tendency to… well…
<i>die.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life was harsh and philosophy was
taken seriously, but there had to be an explanation for what happened to the
soul when the body refused to join in with debates for reasons other than grumpy stubbornness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, so they changed the ‘facts’ to fit
their views, but<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> h</span>ey. <a href="http://signposts.cowpi.com/northeast/the-very-powerful-and-the-very-stupid" target="_blank">Who doesn’t</a>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
The Greeks worked on the assumption that the parts of eternity that the soul wasn't
stumbling around driving a meat suit and fighting a constant losing battle against
entropy, hemlock, maths and endless bloody slow-motion fights, it was in
Hades.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, as no self-respecting soul-above-ground
would be seen dead without a body, they weren’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A soul
without a body was seen as being dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
The Greeks also had a thing for Tragedy and Gods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll come back to both in a bit, but seeing
as we’ve already mentioned goths a couple of times let’s have a chat about <i>Melmoth</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 1820, a gentleman named
Charles Maturin published his contribution to Romantic fiction, which was
promptly lumped in with the Gothic novels, penny dreadfuls and other general
moral-panicking works that wives and servants shouldn’t be reading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The novel's main character swaps his soul for a bonus 150 years of world-wandering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Melmoth bears a resemblance to –
and is almost undoubtedly based on – the legend of the Wandering Jew, which
itself had already been knocking around for 500 years at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Wandering Jew, so the story goes, mocked
Jesus on his grim trudge to crucifixion and was cursed to walk the Earth until the Second Coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both
variations can be regarded as cautionary tales, carrying the same message that Rassilon delivers so plummily at the end of <i>The Five Doctors</i>. <br />
<br />
A lot of the immortals in Greek myth/family history have a tendency to die and
then be reborn, like Kenny Pond or Rory McCormick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a
way this process isn’t dissimilar to god-myths all over the world (including one
we’ve already touched on), the cycle of day and night, and the one <i>genuinely</i> immortal
creature that science doesn't point at and laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This intriguing
wonder is </span><i><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turritopsis_dohrnii" target="_blank">Turritopsis dohrnii</a>, </span></i><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">also known as '</span><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">the immortal jellyfish'.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look it
up, it’s fascinating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately,
because Julia Roberts’ brother didn’t delightedly announce that the Doctor was
half-jellyfish we’ll have to leave it noshing on plankton while we get back to why
there’s so much talking in this series of <i>Doctor Who</i>.<br />
<br />
You’ll have noticed all those two-parters we've been having
recently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve probably also
noticed the pace has slowed a little and allowed the characters to chat
more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been particularly evident in the last two
stories, <i>The Girl Doctor Who Killed</i> and <i>The Woman Doctor Who Brought Back To
Life</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ashildr, or Lady Me, or the Knightmare
Child, represents what TV Tropes might well describe as The Mistake That Returns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Maturin’s Melmoth was part of the same movement as Mary Shelly’s
wager-winning masterpiece, <i>Frankenstein; Or; The Modern Prometheus</i> which was published two
years earlier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the original Prometheus
legend, the Titan is punished by Zeus after giving humanity the secret of fire –
his very immortality adding to the…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br /><br />Hang
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A godlike figure who gave fire to humanity?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By
Gum, that sounds familiar for some reason...<br />
<br />
Anyway, just in case you aren’t up to speed with the story of <i>Frankenstein</i> <i>(; Or;
The Modern Prometheus)</i>, it's basically about a genius who, having not thought things
through far enough, gives the godlike gift of life to something dead and then refuses to
take responsibility for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> (</span>As a quick
aside, apart from being an album by The Sisterhood, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SX5cfMMM-LI&list=PLiZDj6xgSAzQlqg6a_ulGeNMu3X-ijDje" target="_blank">‘gift’</a> is also German for
'poison'.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Monster in the book, and some
of the films, is eloquent and lonely and, because of a lack of mates, punishes
his creator by taking that most dear to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, no potential parallels with the Doctor and Ashildr there then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unless there's a professionally incompetent
teacher that might possibly be classed as ‘that most dear’ to the Gallifreyan?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Yeah, Clara’s doomed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Other immortals in fiction include the alliterative Endless siblings who
appear in Neil Gaiman’s epic Tragedy, <i>The Sandman</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’re many similarities between Gaiman’s
Morpheus, the Lord of Dreams and Moffat’s Who, the Lord of Time, but the one
that’s most obvious this week is the character of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hob_Gadling" target="_blank">Hob Gadling</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hob’s a gentleman who decides that living
forever is easy (just plain refuse to die) and as a result of stating this slightly too
loudly in the same pub as Morpheus and his sister Death, becomes part of a bet between the two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Morpheus and Gadling agree to meet at the same tavern every hundred years until Hob's end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
spoilers here, gang.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span lang="EN-GB">Also, Morpheus’ son Orpheus descends into the underworld to
retrieve the soul of Eurydice, ‘that most dear’ to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that won’t be relevant until the final
three-parter of this twelve-part, decade-long story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Anyway, we’re running out of time and we need to
get back to the original question.<br />
<br />
“Who wants to live forever?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Let’s talk about the quote back at the start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s taken from Alan Moore and David Lloyd’s
astounding graphic novel, <i>V For Vendetta</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>V’s young charge Evey finds it inscribed on a
mirror and asks V what’s… uh… the deal?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>V tells her it means, “</span><span lang="EN-GB">By the power of truth, I,
while living, have conquered the universe.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Which is pretty cool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Evey asks
where it's from, and V replies, “Nobody you’d have heard of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A German gentleman named Dr. John Faust.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But here V, like the Doctor, lies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The phrase <i>doesn’t</i> appear anywhere in the
Faust story as told by Marlowe, Goethe or Reuss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It does however, crop up in Aleister Crowley’s
<i>The Vision and the Voice</i>, but you'll have to wait until you're older to hear that one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Gods’re immortal, obviously, and the Doctor’s just told us that the Greek gods
were alien.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Possibly, he’s thinking of
the non-canonical story <i>The Life Bringer</i> that appeared in <i>Doctor Who Comic</i>
(that’s what it’s called) a lifetime ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>More likely he’s thinking back to <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/myth-makers.html" target="_blank"><i>The Myth Makers</i></a>, when he appeared as
Zeus and – as I’ve <a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/doctor-who-and-song-of-goats.html" target="_blank">proved incontrovertibly</a> elsewhere – became responsible for
kick-starting Tragedy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />A child destroying their parent happens a lot in Tragedy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you wanted to, you could argue that’s the
theme of <i>Frankenstein (; Or; The Modern Prometheus)</i> without breaking a
sweat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not a huge leap to also see it as
an analogy for the process of regeneration that the immortal jellyfish
undulates its way through, but let’s get back to why this season’s wobbly with
some random speculation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ready?<br />
<br />
Clara’s final story was told last year, she perfectly fits the role of the Hero
in a textbook Tragedy structure. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/doctor-who-and-song-of-goats.html" target="_blank">Trust me.</a> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But Jenna Coleman didn’t leave, and
that knocked on into this series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This series is a celebration of the last ten
years of <i>Doctor Who</i>, and'll need to end with either a Time War or a slap-up party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slap-up parties need a lot of planning, and often
cost a lot to throw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Words however, are cheap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slowing down the action
earlier in the run means fewer sets, costumes, special effects and so on, all the cash
saved can then be splashed over a spectacular finale.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-GB">The problem is that there’s an impossible girl
alive in the world who wasn’t alive before – or, at least possibly, wasn't alive last year when 2015’s arc
was first being planned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Perhaps Ashildr’s taken over a role previously
intended for someone Steven Moffat'd saved for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, how much more of a Tragedy would
it be if the Doctor’s Monster turned out, rather than a random stranger
created the previous week and then aged through an accelerated process, to be
someone the audience already knew?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><br /><br />What if the Doctor’s Monster was <i>never</i> meant to be The Girl Who Died? <br /><br />What if she <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>was <i>actually</i> The Doctor’s Daughter?<br />
</span><span lang="EN-GB">
<span style="color: lime;"><b>V.V.V.V.V</b>.</span></span><span style="color: lime;"><br /><span lang="EN-GB"></span></span><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="color: lime;">
<br />
<b>For Bev, Kev and Rev.</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b></span><span style="color: lime;"><b> </b></span> Not <i>that</i> one.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7356509659610135821.post-48302327067793099882015-10-25T01:22:00.000+01:002015-10-25T01:12:28.363+00:00The Woman Who Lived (time shift)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqlOM9-SijiWuoB1VAsXaJnI71iqU5_JKujNUljr5ZqorvvijKGxQGzIqo4E4UQiKnG-VGpMAK-SMizVud4T_sRzqTA7eH1jDtn6ryJ6HAwo8eO3nT3nrJtveTHqVAQwdARn5pWxL2WWE/s1600/259+-+The+Woman+Who+Lived.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqlOM9-SijiWuoB1VAsXaJnI71iqU5_JKujNUljr5ZqorvvijKGxQGzIqo4E4UQiKnG-VGpMAK-SMizVud4T_sRzqTA7eH1jDtn6ryJ6HAwo8eO3nT3nrJtveTHqVAQwdARn5pWxL2WWE/s640/259+-+The+Woman+Who+Lived.jpg" width="446" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.</i><br />
<b>- Plato</b><br />
<br />
Or, if you want to be all obvious about it:<br />
<br />
<i>Inside every older woman is a young girl wondering what the hell happened.</i><br />
<b>- Cora Harvey Armstrong</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Me:</b> Ye? <i>Ye?</i> <i>Must</i> we have that?<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> No, 'Me'.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Oh, <i>'Me'</i>. Yeah, okay. Well, Ashildr's going to kill Clara and... Osgood's going to die next week, I reckon. I hope that they're quite careful with the way that they deal with what's obviously going to be stuff that got raised as a result of <i><a href="http://andtheresbloodonit.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/robot-of-sherwood-time-shift.html" target="_blank">Robot of Sherwood</a></i> last year. Anyway, let's talk about-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> What d'you mean?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It's... It's going to be about ISIS. <br />
<br />
<b>Him: </b> You sure?<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, because I've seen <i>Battlestar Galactica</i>. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> I didn't think <i>Battlestar Galactica</i> was about ISIS.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b> It wasn't at the time, but-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> "But it <i>is</i> now!"<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah. Erm... Right. So, that was the Clara-lite episode, which means that later on there'll be an episode that's largely just got Clara in it. Probably around about episode ten I would've thought. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It still felt like it had Clara in it.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Yeah, at the end.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> Clara was in about, y'know, one fifth of the plot.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha! Yeah, it felt surprisingly slight. <br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> It felt really short.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Which usually means you've enjoyed it. <br />
<i><br />Sea-badger!</i><br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> No, I... I don't feel tired either, so maybe it did actually go by shorter. Maybe that's time dilation in action.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Ha! Could be.<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> That must be it. It was moving at one-tenth the speed of light.<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> The start wasn't very strong. The way it began... uh... wasn't great. It was better written than last week's. Most of the dialogue was pretty good and delivered well. I though the scenes between-<br />
<br />
<b>Him:</b> What abou-<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b>[SCENE MISSING]</b></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime;"><span style="color: black;"><br /><b>Me:</b> I'll cut all that. I'd better edit <i>all</i> that out.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Yeah. Because-</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime;"><b>[SCENE MISSING]</b></span></div>
<span style="color: lime;"></span></div>
<span style="color: lime;"><span style="color: black;"><br /><b>Me:</b> Well, I don't want him reading it. What did you think about the sonic shades?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> I'm not a fan of the sonic shades. <br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Did you think that when <i>The Visitation</i> got a mention there that the sonic shades were going to go the same way as the sonic screwdriver? <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> They did that last week.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yeah, but they'd come back.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> They can't break them every week! It can't be, "Oh my God! They broke my sonic shades!"<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> I thought that, apart from some duff editing, it was well directed. Some of the scenes between Maisie Williams and Peter Capaldi were really nicely played. Felt quite strong.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Even with Murray Gold going DUM DE DUM DUM MURRAY MURRAY MURRAY DUM DE DUMM DUM?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yes, Murray Gold, Murray Gold, Murray Gold, Murray Gold... I think that someone might need to mention that not <i>everything</i> is improved by making it sound like <i>Gremlins</i>. You don't need to have that much music going over everything, unless it's a cartoon. <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> I still think they should just replace it all with music from <i>Legend of Zelda</i>.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> I reckon they should get Peter Capaldi to do the music. There's no subtlety with it. It's really annoying. Um... Hades and the Underworld. So, Clara's going to die and the Doctor's going to have to go back and get her and blah. That's going to come up because this is... It's the whole problem with mortals and gods. In many ways, what happened there is you've got Ashildr's - or <i>Me's</i>-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Ha!<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> She reflects the Doctor's immortality. The two of them reflect each other back.<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1</b></span></span><br /><br /><b>Him:</b> But he's <i>not</i> immortal. He's dying, remember?<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> He was at the start, but that's because Clara's not dead yet. Although, I dunno. Osgood's death - 'cause that's set at an earlier time... Or it'll turn out to be the Osgood Zygon...<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Maybe she gets better.<br /><b><br />Me:</b> If Osgood dies before Missy kills her, then that's going to mess up everything, isn't it? But I think they're going to have to be very careful how they deal with it. I'm... I'm a little bit concerned that the time it's going out... It feels a bit as though they're aiming, consciously, at an older audience, which is a very careless and dangerous thing to do, because this is not a show that can grow with its audience. <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Or eventually they <i>will</i> die.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yes, exactly. Y'know, <i>2000 AD</i>'s lifespan isn't going to be forever <i>because</i> it's tried to age with its audience.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> They didn't think it was going to last anywhere near as long as it did, whereas <i>Doctor Who </i>should have a fairly good idea that it's not going to... <i>die</i> anytime soon.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> The themes of death and responsibility and immortality and life and living life to the full-<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> It's better than good versus evil.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> The whole thing about mayflies and ageing... being repeated constantly. It feels tonally a little more confused than I thought it was. Purple being the colour of death...<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Purple's the colour of death.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Poor Prince. <br /><br /><b>Him:</b> Gween is the colour of monsters.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> True, yeah.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> And yellow is the purple of defying death... Or... A portal closing. Or... Lion...<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Did you <i>enjoy</i> that?<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> It was... More enjoyable than last week's.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yeah, it was. It <i>looked</i> good. I dunno. That didn't really work for me. Okay. So on that bombshell.<br /><br /><b>Him:</b> I don't even feel tired.<br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: lime;"><b>1.</b></span> I'm going to write a longer piece about... stuff... so I'll keep this brief and just mention <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hob_Gadling" target="_blank">Hob Gadling</a>, mostly to make sure that Neil Gaiman's <i>Sandman</i> series has been flagged up. There are a lot of similarities between this current series and that one.<span style="color: lime;"><b>2</b></span> Which is fascinating for a variety of reasons. And, let's not forget Greek Tragedy, kids. Or <i>Sandman</i>. Or no good deed going unpunished.<span style="color: lime;"></span><br /><br /><span style="color: lime;"><b>2.</b></span> Anyone else reckon that the fellow from Thundercats'd watched <i>The Unquiet Dead</i>? Just me then.</span><br /></span></span></div>
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