#SaveTheWhale

Optimumque est, ut volgo dixere, aliena insania frui.

- Pliny (the Elder) 

Asked whether viewers might also see the recovered episodes, without having to pay Apple £1.89 per episode or £9.99 to download the complete stories, BBC Worldwide said licence-fee payers had already enjoyed a chance to watch the programmes in the late 60s. 2

– Source

Me:  Well, we should probably have a chat. 

Him:  About? 

Me:  Don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong. 

Him:  I’d guessed that because you’re typing. 

Me:  Very meta. 

Him:  Whu? 

Me:  Nice.  No, I reckon we should have a chat about a few things to do with Doctor Who and the blog. 

Him:  Like? 

Me:  Well, the recovery of the missing episodes first off. 

Him:  The Feast of Steven?  That was a surprise. 

Me:  Ha!  Especially as the BBC were destroying it as it was being broadcast. 

Him:  You made that joke when we were watching it. 

Me:  All those thousands of years ago.  Well, the thing is that a few of these things have finally escaped the BBC Canteen. 

Him:  With the help of [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers].1 

Me:  I’m sure that’s just something that crops up accidentally during the interview with Philip Morris in this month’s DWM.  Of which, more in a bit. 

Him:  When? 

Me: 'In a bit.' 

Him:  When’s that? 

Me:  Later. 

Him:  Are we there yet? 

Pause. 

Me:  Yeah.  The whole interview’s really strange.  It reads a lot like a blue-penciled, "Meet Denholm Reynholm" puff piece conducted for a Reynholm Industries internal newsletter.  I’d say that’s because it’s been written in a white-hot rush to beat an inexorable deadline - but it obviously hasn’t.  The whole business was hinted at in the small print of the last issue; the Terror of the Zygons review features mentions the recoveries; the restoration interviews make it quite clear this has been known about since before June and the two cover designs can’t have been knocked up in a lunchtime.  And fair play to genuine hero-of-the-hour, Philip Morris, for getting almost as many mentions throughout the issue as Mark Gatiss does.

It’s worth pointing out that Denholm Elliot played Marcus Brody in Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Which [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers]1 with [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers]1 and then [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers]1 after [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers].1  But I doubt any of that really happened. 

Him:  I have no idea how to respond to that. 

Me:  I can totally understand why BBC Worldwide are trying to milk the fans for as much as possible during this, the year of their daughter’s wedding. 

Him:  But…  What? 

Me:  It’s a Family Guy gag. 

Him:  It’s [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers].1 

Me:  If you say so.  Anyway, I think it’s fair to say that you don’t reach the final stages of ten year’s worth of DVD releases and then totally change the design of the packaging for the final couple...2 

Him:  Are you going to bring up the blog? 

Me:  Yeah, I’ll start gnashing and frothing otherwise. 

Him:  Well then, you’d better bring up the blog quick. 

Me:  Okay.  We’ve had an odd year with the blog – some of the entries have taken ages to put together and we sort of lost momentum because of things that happened in the real world. 

Him:  Right. 

Me:  And then we were about to really get back on track with The Web of Fear – which is largely typed up – when the noises from the BBC Canteen got too loud to ignore.3 

Him:  Right.  And then? 

Me:  Well, we’ve watched and made rough notes right the way up to The Space Pirates.  Also, I’ve done illos for almost all the rest of the Troughton stories and quite a few of the Pertwee ones, so we’re ready to get going properly at a moment's notice.  But…

Well, we’ve watched almost all of the recons – so we’ve turned out to be some of the last stragglers up the traditional Ascent.  Now though, it’s like there’s been a huge landslide and a new route’s opened up.  Personally, I’m tempted to hang on and see whether it looks worth attempting when all the clouds that’ve being kicked up by the Whoniversary have settled.  Basically, what I’m saying is that I think we should head back down to an earlier base camp and wait until the New Year to resume climbing. 

Him:  Ok.  

Me:  You sure? 

Him:  I think so. 

Me:  Smashing. Can we watch The Enemy of the World now?4 

Him:  Yeah, sure. 

Me:  And then The Web of Fear? 

Him:  Well, I don’t know.  I’ve been told that The Web of Fear’s not as good as we all thought it was going to be by a certain [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers].1 

Me:  Yeah.  I’m sure it’ll be better than the [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers]1 to try and get people watching Atlantis will turn out to be.5 

Him:  What do you mean? 

Me:  The ‘trailer’ that isn’t a trailer.  Unless it’s designed to show how the last fifty years has all been leading up to [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers].1  Which I’m sure it will, seeing as The Name of the Doctor and the recent [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers]1 both seem to suggest that’s where we’re going.

Him:  Do you think the trailer will be all the Doctors to date crowning [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers]1 as King? 

Me:  Ha!  I don't know.  I hope it's fantastic but I'm not expecting a miracle. 

Him:  Is that us? 

Me:  Unless I’ve gone off on one in the footnotes, yeah.2  Oh – this doesn’t mean we won’t be doing stuff with the blog between now and New Year. 

Him:  Well that’s fine then. 

Me:  But it’s also not going to hurt to find us on Facebook or Twitter. 

Him:  Are you going to link those the wrong way around again? 

Me:  Silence, Boy!  I’m not a total imbecile! 

Him: "2" 

Me:  Tch. 

Him:  There we go.

1.  Him:  What lawyers? 

2.  Pshaw!  Yeah, right.

3.  I think it’s fair to say that BBC Worldwide were caught on the hop this time.  There’s an interesting, slightly off-message, article in the Radio Times.  I’m looking forward to, one day, reading the book about what’s really been going on over the last few years.  “Gallifrey Babylon”, I reckon.

So, our gap until the New Year is sort of to give time for any new releases to be announced, so I can work out which ones we’ll have to go back and do again, and which ones we don’t.  That doesn’t mean that there won’t be posts in the interim though – there’s a special present lined up for the Fiftieth that got lost in the stampede last year.  Yeah, we’ll still be here.

I’m going to announce quietly that I’ve written some articles for the Doctor Who Appreciation Society recently, so I’m hoping they'll be appearing in Celestial Toyroom over the next few months.  I’m also doing ‘research’ for a thing that’s still nebulous but means I get to go library spelunking, which is glorious fun. 

4.  Yeah, I’m excited, but did you really think I wasn’t going to wait until the Him was here before watching them?  Part of the deal is that we watch them together, which is why we still haven’t seen either The Ambassadors of Death or The Space Pirates recons yet.  Or the escaped copies of [content deleted at the advice of our lawyers].1 

5.  As you can tell, this was written after the announcement of the trailer for the trailer for the announcement for the trailer, but before the trailer for the trailer for the announcement of the trailer was shown.  Before Atlantis.  Again.

Marco Polo

 One of the greatest joys known to man is to take a flight into ignorance in search of knowledge.

- Robert Lynd

RECON

(I was going to fill this preamble with justifications for us not digging out a full-length recon, or at least listening to the audio recording, but I’ve decided against it. There's a wonderful cut-down bootleg version on a BBC DVD, so I suppose that’s good enough.  Also, it’s the only time we’ll get to race through a seven-part historical in half an hour.) 

Him:  Did we not watch this before?

Me:  You’ve seen it before.

It begins with some motion as the recap can of course be played in from the previous episode.  Susan finds a footprint – it’s huge - see the already mentioned the whole Roof Of The World/Yeti/"Wild Man"/Kate Bush connection.  And then we’re in a slideshow

Him:  Susan sounds a bit Welsh there.

Ian, disguised as both Gilbert and Sullivan offers an explanation for the footprint that ties in quite nicely with the way ’yeti’ tracks were originally explained.  The Doctor emerges from the TARDIS – angrily – something’s blown a fuse and the power’s gone.

Ian:  I suppose I’d better try and find some fuel.

Him:  “Mercury!  Mercury!  That’s all my ship needs!  Mercury!”

Susan spots something watching them from behind a rock.

Susan:  Look!

Him:  “A thermometer.”

Our friends run into a travelling Mongol hoard.  Their bloodthirsty leader, Tegana, declares them to be evil spirits that must be destroyed.  Suddenly, a tall stranger appears and orders that they be spared.  Okay, the tall stranger's Mark Chicken, but you already knew that didn’t you?

Over a meal, the Doctor and Mark have a long chat.  The Doctor introduces his companions.

Me:  ”Charlton!”

Susan makes friends with Ping-Cho, a young lady travelling to Shang-Tu to be married.  Susan, as we’ll see later, is not a fan of arranged marriages.

Later on, the Doctor is talking to Ping-Cho and stirring a big pot of something.

Him:  Glue.

Me:  I think it’s soup.

(The use of a particular word causes the Him some confusion at this point.).

Him:  His caravan?

Me:  Not that sort of a caravan.

Him:  They’re “Inside The Tent”.

(The Him collapses in hysterics, which requires a brief explanation.  A long time ago, I’d rented the audio version of Marco Polo from the library and delighted the Him by reading out the tracklisting.  Seeing as the reconstruction was based (I think) on the camera scripts, each track represented a location or separate scene, and so nearly every other one is either “Inside The Tent” or some variation thereon.  It was funny at the time.)

Still Inside The Tent, Mark reveals that the TARDIS crew will be travelling with them.  For quite some time.  Mark, writing up the Captain’s Log, reveals he has plans for the TARDIS.

Him: Why are they using the Indiana Jones map?

Me:  It’s to show the route that the caravan’s taking.

Him:  So, is this part three?

Me:  I don’t think so.

Inside The Tent, Mark wants to swap the TARDIS with the Khan in exchange for his freedom.  The Doctor and friends will then accompany him to Venice where they can make another one.  Ian points out that this will be impossible as they need special materials -

Him:  I think the TARDIS is basically just made of mercury.

Elsewhere, Inside A Different Tent, Tegana has come up with a plan to poison the water supply and steal the TARDIS.

Him:  Is Susan a human or a Time Lord?

Me:  Time Lord.  Why do you ask?

Him:  What makes you so sure?

Me:  She’s his grand-daughter.

Him:  And?

Me:  “All Time Lords are Gallifreyan, but not all Gallifreyans are Time Lords.”

Him:  River’s not Gallifreyan.

(Pause.)

Me:  Shush and watch the lovely reconstruction.

Him:  River was born on Demon’s Run.

(A hit! A palpable hit!) 

Halfway across the Gobi desert Tegana sabotages the water supply.  Consequently an oasis is aimed for.  The travellers are getting weak through thirst.

Him:   I meant to say this before: The First Doctor is really careful and lives for ages without regenerating but then he throws his lives away really quickly.

Everyone is saved by condensation building up inside the TARDIS.

Me:  It’s being educational again.

Marco thinks that the Doctor has been hiding water.  Susan becomes emotional.

Him:  Susan’s voice sounds different again.

Ian is becoming suspicious of Tegana.  Even compressed, Marco Polo has a very different feel to it to the preceding stories.

Me:  I don’t mind this so much.

Him:  Why were people taking random photographs of their telly?

Me:  I’ll have to look that up.

Ping-Cho steals the TARDIS key from Mark and gives it to Susan.  Ian knocks out the guard but Susan is captured by Tegana on the way to the TARDIS and the escape is scuppered. 

Tele-Snap Of Tele-Snap Creates Chronic Hysteresis

The Doctor and the Khan hit it off immediately and in no time the two are playing backgammon together, during which the Doctor loses the TARDIS.  Tegana attacks the Khan, but Mark intervenes and Tegana kills himself.  Mark gives the Doctor the TARDIS key – our heroes rush in…

Him:  Birds-eye view of the TARDIS.  That bit doesn’t actually look like pictures does it?

The Khan reveals himself to be a good loser and this marvellously written and acted adventure comes to an end.

NEXT:  THE SEA OF DEATH

Him:  Is that really what the first episode of Keys of Marinus was called?

Me:  Have a look.

Him:  Yeah – it is.

Me:  I’ve always had a bit of a soft spot for Marco Polo – I might listen to the soundtrack.

Him:  And do your own entry?

Me:  Would that be alright?

Him:  Uh huh.

Me:  To go with this one of course.

Him:  Oh.

Me:  Thoughts?

Him:  No.  Don’t have any.

Me:  Did you like it?

Him:  I’m not looking forward to the other reconstructions.  How long until we’re onto The War Games?

Me:  Quite a long time.  If I watch the reconstructions then why don’t you skip them?  There’s no point doing this if you’re feeling bored, forced or not enjoying it.

(The Him does a little dance.)

Me:  Right.

Him:  Yeah – you can do the reconstructions – and if there’s any good bits of animation you can tell me about them.

Me:  Right.

Him:  (as an announcer) – “Doctor Who – The Audio Adventures.” 

“Susan?” 

“Yes, Grandfather?” 

“Where are the headphones?”