Intermission: The Doctor Who Experience

There will presently be no room in the world for things; it will be filled up with the advertisements of things.

- William Dean Howells

  

INTRODUCTION

Me:  So, we travelled down to see the Doctor Who Experience.  In Cardiff.  You want to say anything about that?

Him:  We went down to Cardiff.

Me:  On the train.

Him:  Travelled.

Me:  I really meant, ‘Do you want to say anything about Cardiff?’

Him:  It was sunny.

Me:  So, that’s a ‘no’ then?

Him:  I can’t think of anything to say.

Me:  Making this preamble a bit weird.  Anything to say about the ‘window seat’?

Him:  It was a funny seat.

Me:  And Google maps doesn’t seem to think that Cardiff exists.

Him:  No; it doesn’t.

Me:  Right, you can take up the story from when we arrived ‘Down the Bay’.

Him:  They had terrible parking.

Me:  In that there isn’t any.  Were you excited?

Him:  Yup. 

Me:  About what?

Him:  It.

Me:  What?

Him:  The that.

Me:  The Doctor Who Experience building was constructed specially.

Him:  I know.  You told me already.

Me:  I was quite pleased to see Bessie as we walked in.

Him:  The Lego Dalek was quite cool – even though it had specially made Lego pieces.  You wouldn’t be able to make that Dalek without them.

Me:  No matter how many bits of red Lego were lying around.

Him:  I’m talking about the ‘eggs’.

Me:  Right.  We bought the tickets and the programme and then cooed over the display cases.

Him:  ‘Cooed’?  This isn’t the Eighties.

Me:  Push.  Struggle.  So what’s in the lobby bit?

Him:  Display cases and the Eternal.

Me:  And a café.

Him:  And the entrance to the walk.

Me:  I thought the Eternal looked alright in the…

Him:  ‘Flesh’?

Me:  Well, not really.

Him:  Dalekanium?

Me:  Ha!  Yeah.

Him:  It was bigger than I thought it would be, because Matt Smith makes them look quite small.

Me:  Yeah – no wonder he keeps getting compared to a giraffe.  They must have to fold him when he visits the Experience.

Him:  Ha!

Me:  What’s in the display cases?  Bearing in mind that they might change them around quite a lot, what with having the studio just over the road.

Him:  These:

The Following Contains More Spoilers than a Canadian TV Spot/Radio Times Hybrid

 

STARSHIP UK

Me:  I got a bit excited in the queue, I have to admit.

Him:  And we were second in line.

Me:  Which didn’t make a difference in the long run.

Him:  No, it didn’t.

Me:  We’ll have to do it again, because there were bits where I know you couldn’t see what was going on.

Him:  Yeah, I could.

Me:  You just keep thinking that.  So, what happened after we went through the doors?

Him:  We were greeted by Alpha Node…

Me:  Something.  So we’re not going to say about the first part?

Him:  What first part?

Me:  Nice. Did you spot the sign from Curse of Fenric?

Him:  No.

Me:  How about the the prop from Resurrection of the Daleks?

Him:  No.

Me:  I’ll keep doing that, then.

Him:  Doing what?

Me:  Pointing out bits you missed.

TARDIS

Me:  Ah.  What happened here?

Him:  I flew the TARDIS.  And made it crash.

Me:  I was so embarrassed.

DALEK ENCOUNTER

Me:  Now, I know there was a lot of this stage that went over your head.  And also went on in front of the… forest of adults you were stuck in.

Him:  I could only see one Dalek.  And I could hear Matt Smith.

Me:  Did you see yourself on the Dalek scanner?

Him:  No?

Me:  And did you spot the space battle?

Him:  No?  I heard it.

Me:  We were on the bridge of a spaceship, looking out over the battle taking place outside.  Through the viewing port.  That you were too small to see.

Him:  Awww.

Me:  Never mind, nobody got to see the next bit.

FOREST OF ANGELS

Me:  I bet you didn’t even notice this section was happening until we were out the other side.

Him:  We went through rather quickly.

Me:  I wonder if-

Him:  Don’tblinkdon’tblinkhurryhurrywe’reout.  That’s pretty much what it was.

Me:  -they were running late.

PANDORICA CHAMBER

Me:  We’ll stand nearer the middle next time.  That’s all I’m saying.

Him:  It was epic!  The hand went through your face!

Me:  And if we’d been in the middle, I’d have noticed it happening.

Pause.

Me:  And then…?

Him:  What was next?

Me:  Displays.

Him:  Dun-DUN!

THE DOCTORS

Me:  Right.  The Doctors.

 

Him:  They have the costumes.

Me:  Genuine?

Him:  Most of them.

Me:  I was quite star-struck by getting the chance to frootle.

Him:  Frootle?

Me:  Okay, it was the only way I could get the reference in.  It was great to actually get to see what William Hartnell and Patrick Troughton were wearing.  There was more detail than I expected.

Him:  There was.  But the pictures you took don’t show it off.

Me:  I guess this is an extended advert for the Doctor Who Experience.  “If you’re a giraffe that can’t drive – you’ll love it more than if you aren’t and can.”  There you go, they can put that on the posters.

Him:  Que?

TARDISES

Me:  And of course we got to see Matt Smith’s palm and face prints which he left in the concrete just a couple of days before.

Him:  I still see Matt Smith as ‘the new Doctor’.

Me:  I know, I get that too.  He’s the new boy.  Are we going to mention the Melkur?

Him:  No.

Me:  And I guess that goes the same for the sonics and the TARDIS keys?

Him:  Yup.

Me:  Shame.  Shall we mention the console room that I failed to get a photo of when I went to Longleat?

Him:  No.

Me:  And how about the console room that you reckoned they’d glued back together?

Him:  No.

Me:  Lovely.

COMPANIONS

Me:  Anything you want to say about the companion costumes?  I’m not putting any pictures of them up.

Him:  What about K9?

Me:  We’ve got to keep something back.

Him:  We’ve kept everything back!

Me:  Wait until we get to the pen...

MONSTER ZONE

Me:  The Monster Zone was pretty good.

Him:  Yup.

Me:  I took shots of everything, but I’m not putting most of them up.

Him:  No.

 

 

A LITTLE SHOP

Him:  Are you going to mention the penny?

Me:  I thought you might like to.  Seeing as you made such a fuss about it.

Him:  *cough cough cough*

Me:  That’s one way of getting out of telling the story.  I thought that the staff were lovely.  Both times.

Him:  They don’t carry change.

Me:  That’s true.  True.1

Him:  They didn’t have any Target books.

Me:  I thought that was an oversight too.  Plenty of toys and a lot of gim-

Him:  And posters!

Me:  And posters.  No books though.

Him:  They did have books.  Just not Target books.

Me:  I didn’t see any books.

Him:  New ones.

Me:  You sure?

Him:  Yes.

Me:  Right, I apologise then.

"Will I?"2

OUTRODUCTION

Me:  So we came out and wandered down to the TARDIS sculpture.  In the rain.

Him:  In the rain.  Waiting for the Other.

Me:  Ha!  Would you want to go again?

Him:  When they have some new stuff in.

Me:  Fair enough.  I loved it, got to be honest.

Longleat '83 - Ash's roadster refuses to revolve.

1.  That’s the most obscure Cardiff reference imaginable.  Unless you click this in a confident enough fashion.

2.  If you get this, let us know.  There'll be a prize.