David Van Day's Diddly Squat Series 35 Vivisection

One way to prevent conversation from being boring is to say the wrong thing.
- Frank Sheed

Ah, Lady and Gentleman.  You look like you've been good, so here's a winter solstice present for you.  It's been a while since the Rev (yes, that one) and myself have had an unfettered natter about things and stuff, and so here's our most recent one.  There's been an awful lot of toot typed and talked about the thirty-fifth series of Doctor Who - calling it 'season nine' is a basic error for a start - so here's our chance to point out a few of the mistakes pundits may, or may not, have been making.

Also, it finally answers the question that nobody seems to've been asking about which of Missy's statements back in The Magician's Apprentice was a lie.  Spoiler: it's not the one you thought it was.

So, sit back, pour yourself a warm lemony drink (or tear open an old speckled hen) and wrap your ears around two chums having a fine old time.  Or don't.  Completely up to you.

Play nice now.  See you soon.

Hoe, hoe, hoe.

David Van Day's Diddly Squat Series 35 Vivisection

David Van Day's Diddly Squat Series 35 Vivisection

David Van Day's Diddly Dum (Choose Your Own Adventure variant)

As you feared, there are indeed lumps of it round the back.  Cursing yourself for misplacing the curator's key, you clamber over the small fence and into the walled garden.  

By now, the sky's almost dampened to a full black.  Flapping down like a stunned owl, the dark inexorably splashes ink puddles over the rough track that snakes across the lawn.  A stumble at this stage would be disastrous.

Then - from high behind you - the purring starts.1

Do you turn or run?

David Van Day's2 Diddly Dum is styled exclusively by The Rev.

1.  No, there's no cake.  There's never any cake.

2.  Not that one.