Epipod Six: Reptile Collector

 

My aim in this world is to make that brown snake, that crocodile, that koala, that red-backed spider, that black widow, look good. That's my job. 
– Steve Irwin

 I make television because I want to change the way people think. 
– Mark Strickson

Me:  We’ve had comments about our lack of show notes. 

Him:  Okay. 

Me:  Do you know what show notes are? 

Him:  It’s not really my area. 

Me:  Fair enough.  Just to give you the heads-up that there’ll be show notes on this epipod. 

Him:  Alright. 

Me:  At this stage you still don’t know what we’re doing. 

Him:  No. 

Me:  Is that exciting? 

Him:  No. 

Me:  Even knowing there’ll be a Paul McGann variant cover? 

Him:  Ooo.  Everything should have a Paul McGann variant cover.  I expect you to do one for every drawing from this point on as well. 

Me:  Ha!  Don’t hold your breath. 

Him:  Why not? 

Me:  Because you’ll pass out. 

Him:  Oh.  That makes sense. 

Me:  Any idea what we’re going to be talking about? 

Him:  I still don’t, no.  But they do.  They know more than me. 

Me:  Both of ‘em? 

Him:  Yup.  All both of them. 

Me:  Excellent.  Brace for adventure, Lady and Gentleman.  Let’s journey into mystery!

The Him makes a noise not dissimilar to a deflating armadillo.

NO COMPLICATIONS ODDCAST SIX: 
REPTILE COLLECTOR

SHOW NOTES

Epipod Five: DWM 485 Commentingary

Mistakes are at the very base of human thought feeding the structure like root nodules.

- Lewis Thomas

Me:  So, how are we introducing this?

Him:  I’m tired.

Me:  Me too.

Him:  I’m warm.

Me:  Yeah, that’ll probably do.

Him:  I just recorded a commentingary.  You can read about it below.  Or listen to it, I suppose.  You won’t get far if you read about it.

Me:  That sums up this particular commentingary alright.1

Him:  And a good night’s sleep to all of you at home. 

NO COMPLICATIONS ODDCAST FIVE:  

DOCTOR WHO MAGAZINE #485 COMMENTINGARY

1.  How many Nimon?

Dragon Drop

Epipod Four: The Further Adventures of Indiana Jones' Hat

Everything you can imagine is real.
- Picasso

or

Computers are stupid.  They can only give you answers.
- Picasso

Me:  I should probably explain why we don’t have show notes.  Hmmm…1 

The sea badger yawns once and then goes back to sleep.

Me:  What’s this one about then?

Him:  Isn’t it more fun to leave it as a surprise?

Me:  For whom?

Him:  For everyone.

Me:  Quite possibly.  Would you like to break the fourth wall?

Him:  We don’t really have one.

Me:  That’s true.  How about offering hints and teasers?

Him:  Um…  Like cryptic crossword clues?

Me:  Love ‘em.  Go on then.

Him:  I knew you were going to say that. 

Me:  Sorry.

Him:  Just so long as you are.

Me:  Constantly.

Him:  Well then.

Me:  Not even a hint?

Him:  I feel there’s a sea badger coming on.

Me:  We’ve already had the sea badger.

Him:  Oh, have we?  That’ll be what the smell is.

Me:  I think you’ll find that’s the pungent reek of The Fog remake.  I can’t shift it.  Tried a match and everything.

Him:  You’re not a fan of that film are you?

Me:  Nope. 

Him:  Just as long as you’re honest.

Me:  That’ll probably do as an introduction.

Him:  Yep, I reckon so.

Me:  Unless you wanted to mention the way we only seem to be doing commentingaries on old shows that're all set in the same universe?

Him:  No.  Didn’t want to say anything about that.  Did you?

Me:  It’s so obvious, it’s probably pointless.

Him:  Okay.

Me:  Lady and gentleman, here’s a thing.

Him:  “I’m the Me.”

Me:  Ha!  “And I’m the Him."

NO COMPLICATIONS ODDCAST EPIPOD FOUR:

THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF INDIANA JONES' HAT

1.  Basically, if you're interested in something we say that you didn't already know, you're more than capable of looking it up for yourself.  Also, no-one reads them.

Epipod Three: The Shunned Sandwich (no egg)

It has always seemed to me that my existence consisted purely and exclusively of nothing but the most outrageous nonsense. 

- Thomas ‘Laughing Boy’ Ligotti

Me:  The Rats in the Walls?

Him:  The walls were full of rats, remember?

Me:  Yeah, yeah.

Him:  “I can smell them!  I’m going to have to shut this shop down, it’s full of rats!”

Me:  It was probably just builders next door, I didn’t mean to frighten the poor person.  So, any titles there you think we can cannibalise or cobble together or do you want to come up with a new one?  ‘cause we can’t just call this, ‘The Trap Door and Other Weird Tales’.

Him:  The Unnameable…  In the Vault…

Me:  I dunno.

Him:  The Horror at Fang Rock…

Me:  ‘The Horror at Fang Rock’?  That’s been done, I think.

Him:  Sorry, I misread it.  It’s The Horror at Red Hook.

Me:  Ummm…

Him:  The Colour Out of Space…

Me:  That’s a good un.  Unless we mash two of them together?

Him:  What?  Like ‘The Call of Pickman’s Model’?

Me:  We could do that, yeah.

Him:  I meant like that, I didn’t mean that.

Me:  No.

The sea badger makes its squamous way across the room, ruining the carpet.

Him:  ‘The Shunned Sandwich’?

Me:  Ha!  ‘The Shunned Sandwich’!

Him:  The Shunned House and The Dunwich Horror.  Or Dunwich.

Me:  It’s Dunwich.

Him:  Dunwich.  I’ve never been there, so I don’t know.

Me:  It’s twinned with Rhyl.

Him:  Really?

Me:  Ha!  No.

Him:  It’s a shame that it’s not The Shunned Sandwich.  I’d have liked that.

Me:  Shall we call it that? 

Him:  Yeah, alright. 

Me:  The Shunned Sandwich.  That’s our intro.

NO COMPLICATIONS ODDCAST EPIPOD THREE:
THE SHUNNED SANDWICH (no egg)