Thursday 29 August 2013

The Trailer of The Enemy of the World

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more. 
- Jonas Salk

And then…

Me:  Oo – it’s a trailer…

The Doctor, looking crumpled and windswept, appears to be on holiday.

The Doctor:  I don’t think I like the look of this.  Let’s go.

Victoria:  Why?  What’s the matter?

The Doctor:  Come on… Run.  Don’t argue!  Run!

Doctor Who and the Confusion of the Sixties

Voice of God:  Next week, the TARDIS lands on a sunny beach.  But where is it?

Me:  Rhyl.

Voice of God:  And why is the reception so unfriendly?

Me:  It’s Rhyl.

Gunshots:  ptchoo spwiing

Him:  “And then… everyone dies.”

Victoria:  Why does he want to hurt us?

The Doctor:  Why indeed?

Victoria:  Can’t we go back to the TARDIS?

The Doctor:  No we’ll never make it.

The Massive Chopper:  whoosh whooshy whoosh

Jamie:  What is it, Doctor?

Victoria:  I‘m frightened!

Cover of the Unreleased David Whitaker Target Novelisation:  Over here!

Victoria:  I can’t!   I can’t!

The Doctor:  You must!  It’s our only chance!

Cover of the Unreleased David Whitaker Target Novelisation: FLEEEEEEEEE!1

The Doctor: Come on!

The camera zooms in on each of our chum’s faces in turn, followed by a zoom out on a snap of the Massive Chopper.2

Massive Chopper:  whooshy whooshy whoosh

Voice of God:  Why has this strange woman rescued them?

Me:  I’ve no idea.

Voice of God:  Dr3 Who and3 the Enemy of the World” begins…  Umm…  Next Saturday!

Or thereabouts

The fading sounds of the Massive Chopper bring us to a conclusion.  For now…

1.  This is almost certainly not the actual line, but it has been annotated from the soundtrack of a very old bootleg fortuitous archive recording.

2.  “Yes, Jamie.  That is a big one.”  Etc.

3.  It’s always struck me as smug and snarky to just add ‘(sic)’ in order to induce a cheap laugh.  You’ll notice it hasn’t stopped me though.  I’m so ashamed.

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