The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits
to grow sharper.
- Eden
Phillpotts
FOREWARNING
This, strictly speaking, isn’t our proper blogpost on The Web of Fear.0
As both our readers’ll know, last year was… very full. Some very good things happened and some
terrible things happened. It’s not
really a surprise that we fell almost twelve months behind our planned schedule
then.
I took so long getting our notes for The Web of Fear annotated that the long-missing story was
recovered, cleaned up and released on iTunes.0
There are rumours – there are always rumours – but we’re going to ignore
them for the time being.
Me and the Him have watched all the way up to The Space Pirates, with notes in varying
states of completion to that point. It’s
reached the stage now where if I leave this any longer then I don’t think we’ll
ever break camp again. This is why I’ve
made an executive decision.
Over the next couple of months I’m going to type up the
notes as written and post those. This
means you won’t get the full experience – maybe we’ll revisit them, I don’t
know. I think it’s probably this or nothing
now.
This version of The
Web of Fear is reconstructed from a version begun in September 2013, just
before the recovery was announced. It’s
been available, in a slightly different form, as part of the Travers Tales Winter Special we
‘published’ for the Whoniversary. If you
visit the page you’ll find the original file still there. It’s chunky because it contains a lot of
bonus material, including exclusive commentingaries, our take on Downtime and an audio Easter Egg that’s
become oddly relevant since New Year. Go
on, spoil yourself, you lovely thing, you. Because, although this isn’t actually the proper, final No Complications take on The Web of Fear, until we release a
Second Effort it’s all you’re getting.0
Lady and gentleman, “Mind the Gap!”
The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up
there.
- Robert M Pirsig
EPISODE ONE
We’re off!
Me: I’m really looking forward to this one.
Him: Oh. I
don’t know much about it.
Me: After the first episode it’s a bit vague for
me as well.
We recap. Salamander’s been sucked off into the void,
the Doctor and Victoria are playing the worst game of musical sardines, Idris’
doors are wide open and Jamie…
Me: It looks like Jamie’s going to pull that wall
down on top of himself.
Jamie flirts briefly
with the console before winning the game of musical sardines. The doors close and equilibrium returns.
Him: Is Salamander floating in time as well,
then? He could come back.
Jamie accuses the
Doctor of being unable to control the TARDIS.
Or hero takes umbrage at this.
The TARDIS is in flight.
Victoria:
Here we go again.
Jamie: I wonder where it’ll be this time.
Me: “Ah hope it’s Glasgow.”
The Doctor: Yes, I wonder.
Meanwhile, in a
suspect Universal monster flick, a freshly-elderly Professor Travers has graduated
from grunting at a stuffed giraffe to scowling at a honking monster costume he
used to own, but accidentally sold at the first Doctor Who convention some time ago. His daughter, Anne Travers, enters - played
by the wonderful Tina Packer.1 Anne’s a bit worried that her dad failed to
meet her at the airport as arranged. The
Professor’s more agitated than he was last year – he’s worried he’s flogged on
his Whomobila while it still had a half-life.
Thirty years this costume’s been on display, like a Dalek in Waterstone’s,
without once eating a customer.
Me: Which makes this 1966. Ish.
Him: Was that not when this was first shown?
Me: 1968.
But that doesn’t mean anything.
Him: It doesn’t make a huge amount of sense
Is it possible that
old-age has started chewing up the Professor’s mind? Has his doddering act become a sad
reality? And might he have gone a little
bit deaf as well?
Ignoring the questions
of why the hell this technology hasn’t been exploited by science, Anne points
out that without John Levene or another actor a control egg to power it,
the costume robot won’t be lumbering around, frightening the
horses. The Professor guiltily reveals
he’s employed John Levene reactivated a control egg. He’d taken it out of his display drawer to
admire Harold Pinter’s autograph and – well – it just rolled off. Can’t find it anywhere.
Him: “Checked your pockets?”
Mr Silverstein guards the Yeti costume as possessively as a missing episode - at least he lets people
watch it. Anne takes her grumbling father
away.
Julius Silverstein: Nobody destroys Julius Silverstein’s
collection! Nobody!
Now there’s a man who understands why you don’t print ‘Second Effort’ on both sides of a double-dip DVD reversible-sleeve.
Behind the retreating
figures, a sinister shape glides up the window, like a cliff-hanger Sensorite.
Yeti Egg: ping ping ping ping
Him: I’ve found the sphere.
Silverstein starts
turning off the candles for the evening.
The museum’s background music rises until…
Window: SHKRSSHtinkle tinkle
Me: It’s like a proper old horror film.
The egg hops itself
into the costume causing it to roll-back and mix into a regenerated beast. Silverstein rushes in and confronts the
giraffe who he mistakes for Travers.
But, no… The sound’s coming from
somewhere else… Silverstein turns –
finally realising it’s never a good idea to live in a horror film, even if it’s
a classic.
The massive Yeti
lumbers toward the hapless curator, raising a furry arm. Silverstein has time for a scream before the
arm smashes down into a sudden cut that sees Jamie prodding the TARDIS console
violently. It’s horrific.
Me: Douglas Camfield directed this beauty – and
he used that cut again, sort of, in Inferno.
Him: The
Enemy of the World and The Web of
Fear are just one story.
Our chums are having a
disagreement over lunch. Jamie thinks
the landing light was flashing and is certain they’ve arrived in Glasgow, the
Doctor says they’re still driving.
Victoria swishes in,
apparently disguised as Leela. Jamie
glances at her and then returns to his confrontational sandwich.
Me: Jamie acting out of character there.
Victoria:
Why is that light flashing?
The Doctor gets a bit
panicked and the TARDIS begins to emit a time-stretched wheezing, groaning
sound.
Victoria:
Let’s hope it’s somewhere pleasant.
Jamie: It might be Scotland.
The scanner just shows
a telesnap from a missing episode of The Sky at Night. The
Doctor’s a bit worried.
The Doctor: We’re
suspended in space.
Musical Sting: bomBAHH!
A model of the TARDIS
is slowly encased with webbing.
Me: See?
That’s we have to do the dusting.
Victoria:
Doctor! Look at the scanner!
The screen is slowly
being covered with webs. It probably
just means that there’s a spider in the camera – the internet’s full of
pictures of supposedly giant arachnids menacing car parks after all – nothing
to worry about. Well, apart from the
fact that the TARDIS is stuck.
Meanwhile, a soldier
is failing to take a phone-call. This a
non-starter, so the action cuts to somewhere else. Someone who isn’t Alan Whicker is
interviewing someone who isn’t Nicholas Courtney about someone who won’t be
writing the next story.
Me: ‘Pemberton’?
Ha!
The interviewer is
called Chorley and the soldier is Captain
Knight but other than that you’re on your own.
There’s a knock at the door and the (still blustering) Professor Travers
comes huffing indignantly in.
Travers: Who’re
you?
Captain Knight: Knight.
Travers: Never
heard of you!
Captain Knight: Captain
Knight.
Like that’s going to
help.
Knight tells Travers
that Anne’s requested his presence.
There’s a really subtle hint that time’s passed – it involves a
don’t-even-blink-blink-and-you’ll-miss-it reference to America. It’s damn clever to be fair.
Travers notices Chorley and starts shouting at him. It’s a glorious performance throughout from
Jack Watling – he’s like a one-man version of Bleak Expectations.
Chorley hides the necessary exposition in an
attempted interview.
Chorley:
Tell me, will you be in charge of the scientific section, or will your
daughter?
Travers: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Chorley:
And how long do you think it’s going to take you to come up with the
answer, eh? One week. Three, perhaps?
Travers: HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW? IS THAT THING WORKING?
Chorley: Of
course.
Travers grabs the
microphone from Chorley and tries shouting it
to death with exposition. It’s exqvisit.
Travers: IT’S MORE THAN LIKELY WE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO
DEFEAT THIS MENACE! LONDON
– IN FACT THE WHOLE OF ENGLAND
MIGHT BE COMPLETELY WIPED OUT!
THERE! DID YOU GET THAT?
Me: Ha!
Travers thrusts the
remains of the microphone in Chorley’s baffled
hands and storms out through a nearby wall.
11 minutes.
Back in the TARDIS/Drop/Catch/Clearing/Don’t let go/Lands/Noise/Full
Him: Ha!
Stuff/It was a trap/Break
Me: That was excellent.
Outside/Steps and a tunnel/Covent Garden/Earth
Him: “Cheaper, isn’t it?”
Upstairs/Newsman – Whicker played by Gary Russell/No noise/Man falls
The Him points.
Him: Isn’t this the closest that Doctor Who comes to a horror story?
Me: What about Blink?
Him: I don’t know.
I really wish they had all of these.
Me: It’s great.
Him: Uh-huh.
The rail and Jamie
Me: I’d better get this out of the way. Do you know the Underground anecdote that I’m
legally obliged to repeat when discussing this story?
Him: No.
Me: (sigh)
Right, here goes. The BBC wanted to film
in the actual Underground, yeah?
Him: Yeah.
Me: But the Underground said… “Go away.”
Him: Okay.
Me: And then, when this was shown, the BBC got a
furious letter from the Underground because they thought that the BBC had
somehow broken in and filmed there anyway.
Him: So…
This is a set?
Me: That’s what the Underground said.
Him: Why didn’t they let them film in the
Underground?
Me: I can’t remember. It’s a good question. It’s probably something to do with cannibals
or blind tube mares.2
Tunnels/Examine/Walk/No trains for ages/Lights on – hide!
Soldiers – cable/Jamie and Victoria
follow the soldiers/Doctor follows cable/Victoria yells and they get
nabbed/Doctor beeping/Hides/Charing Cross
Him: I’ve been there. No – I’m getting confused.
Anne and Knight/Chorley/Doc beep x2/Web on explosives/Victoria and
Jamie/Knight and Anne
Ann: …when I was a girl I wanted to be a
scientist…
Him: Ha!
Youngsters in tunnels/Demolition job/Victoria and Jamie/Doctor/Yeti
leave/Knight/You two were lucky/glowing and web
Credits…
Me: I think…
There it is!
Him: What’s that?
Me: That’s the web of fear itself. It’s on the end of all of the episodes
because the original film turned up.
EPISODE TWO
We’re off…
Victoria and Jamie/A and CK and W and/not registered/No noise/Victoria
and Jamie/CK/A and Chorley – interview
Noses/Firing/Breaks off
Him: I could swear there was-
Stuff
Him: Movement!
Chorley to
stay/Arnold and Blake/Crates in web/Where’s the Doctor?
Lab traces – sphere/Ann arrives/Travers/Victoria and Jamie/Travers/Who
are you/Slowly – Travers realises
Him: Is he still Deborah Watling’s dad?
Me: Um… Yeah.
 |
Victoria: …oh dear…
|
Chorley etc/Jamie/Ann and V/Chorley/Confrontation – superb
Me: This is great.
Tunnels/Yeti!/Barricade
Me: Movement!
Him: I know.
I’m watching it.
Yeti kill him
Him: “You’ve made it angry; maybe it’ll make a
mistake.”
 |
Him: It’s got a gun!
|
Jamie/Crates covered/Explosion/Untamed yeti/Capture/Travers/Tea
Him: No!
Victoria takes over from Polly/Jamie and everyone and yeti/Yeti
leave/Abominable/Through the past
Him: Ha!
Fungus history/Great acting/Rail lines – circle line
Travers: …getting old…
Fungus on the move/Victoria’s gone into the
tunnels/Jamie/Base/Singing/Welsh/
Him: When do we see Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart?
Me: Soon.
Talking – pyramid/Jamie – smash it
Jamie and Evans/Base – tension’s rising/Jamie and Evans
Ck/Travers – danger of getting cut off/Victoria hopelessly
lost/Base/Jamie and Evans – noise – glow – light – fungus from behind – rolls
from both ends.
EPISODE THREE
Me: I wonder if we’ve been putting these off a
bit because we’ve got so few left to go.
What do you think?
The Him’s finished his
drink.
Him: Slurp.
Slurp. SCHLUUURP!
Me: What’ve we got left to watch? When we’ve finished this we’ve got Ambassadors of Death and Fury the Deep.8
Him: And the rest of this.
Me: Yeah - and the rest of this – but those are
the only two complete stories that we haven’t seen any episodes of at all.
Him: That’s true.
Me: So, what’s actually left? No – I’m one ahead of you: you haven’t seen The Krotons because you wanted to wait
to see that one.
Him: I do want to wait for that because we’re not
that far off when it came out, so it shouldn’t be too much longer.
Me: Well, no.
We’re nearly there. But what have
we actually got? Some of them I can’t
remember as clearly as others but we haven’t got many left. The
Wheel in Space I can’t remember a huge amount about.
Him: I haven’t seen that one either.
Me: You’ve seen the episodes that’re on Lost in Time.
The Him coughs.
Me: What’ve we got then? It’s pretty much a straight run. The Space
Pirates is, I think, the one that we both know the least about. We’ve seen the episode-
Him: I don’t really know anything about The Ambassadors of Death.
Me: Well, I don’t really know that much about it,
other than that it’s Quatermass.
Him: You can tell by your picture that you don’t
know very much about it.
Me: That’s because- Well… That can be a little surprise for everyone
that’s not on the Facebook, can’t it?
Him: So, that can’t really be a surprise for many
people then?
Me: Our Facebook
page, not Facebook in general. I’m not
talking about however much of humanity has given itself over to being assessed
and marketed to and having its information gathered and-
Him: Y’know, I’m sure that our viewer’d be very
disappointed if they found out that we have a Facebook page and they hadn’t
liked it.
Me: I’m sure they’d be gutted. Shall I put a link to it here?
Him: Aitch tee tee pee, colon, slash-slash-
Me: Oi!
Enough!
Him: Double-you double-you double-you dot,
facebook dot com, slash, no complications, slash, something, slash, something,
slash, something, slash, themeandthehim, slash.
Like like like like like. Slash.
And we’re off!
Me: Mervyn Haisman and Henry Lincoln. I’ll tell you some stuff about them in a bit.
Doc or Jamie: ?
Me: No.
Him: No, the intro’s gone now.
Roll roll/Web throbs/Jamie and Evans run/Yeti!/Pyramid/Evans shouts/The
web rolls/on/Victoria/Doctor and Brigadier and Colonel
Me: Whoah!
 |
Him: It’s the Brig!
|
Travels
Him: The ‘plop’ thickens? Urgh…
Me: ‘Plot’.
Elsewhere, Terry Jones
is upset.
Me: Movement!
(pause)
Eh?/Doctor and Victoria/Where’s the Colonel come from?
Travers return as/Doctor reunited/Jamie and E/Fungus/Tunnels
stuffed/Brig!/Travers/confesses/Stuff/Miss Travers/Victoria
We’re watching it.
Me: I’m not impressed with Evans…
Yeti – they’ve changed/Mk 2/Fungus and fog/Can’t sort the mist
Me: Is that a face?
Him: No.
Me: Just a simulacra?
Him: Just a
simulacra.
Lots of problems/Elsewhere/Weems shows him fungus/moves/Jamie/Surprises/Evans/Back
at HQ – fungus still coming in
Me: Nick Courtney – you can almost tell he’s
going to be around for ages.
Him: Uh-huh.
Was that the plan?
Me: Not totally.
He was their third choice for the part.
And should’ve been playing Captain Knight.
Traitor! Door/Victoria and
Ann/Model/Being moved/Model starts pinging/Base – plans/Yeti
approaches/Padlocked door – breaks it
Me: “Benton!”
Who knows?/Inside/Main door open/Padlock knackered/Model yeti/Door
closed/Store full of web/Elsewhere/Plans/Could it be Chorley?/Victoria and Chorley/Chorley’s losing
it/paranoia building/Locked
Him: “Victoria! Idiot!”
Evans and Jamie/Banging/Jamie enters/Doctor runs
Me: “I’ll explain later!”
Scream/Travers investigates/Weems is dead/Yeti! Credits!
Him: Not much happened in that one.
Me: No, it seemed –
(web)
Me: - more like…
Oh, I don’t know. It’s brilliant.
EPISODE FOUR
Him: And what about the Mickey Mouse universe? I
mean, there’s a mouse keeping a dog as a pet.
How does that work? He’s got a
cow and-
Me: Well, Goofy’s a cow.
Him: Yeah.
Me: I know everyone says Goofy’s a dog, but
Pluto’s a dog and Goofy’s supposed to be a cow-
Him: He’s a cow.
Me: -because he’s drawn the same as Ermintrude.
Him: And who’s the other one? There’s another main Mickey Mouse character.
Me: Donald Duck?
Donald i’ the Duck.
Him: Ha! I
forgot.
Me: He’s the other one.
Pause.
Me: Anyway, we need to get this started. I should probably try and explain that what
we’re trying to do here – just in case this goes to what I think this might go
to, which is even weirder… I don’t even
know if any of this is going to-
Right. This is our commentingary-
Him: Is this recording?
Me: Yeah…
This is our commentingary for Episode 4… point… one-
Him: Of The
Web of Fear.
Me: Of The
Web of Fear: the johnnyfanboy version.
Him: Not the Johnny Depp version.
Me: Not the Johnny Depp version, because Johnny
Depp hasn’t done one. It’s probably not going to line up with the BBC Canteen
DVD when that’s finally escaped either.0
The johnnyfanboy-
Him: I can’t see it now.
Me: You’ll have to move your head, won’t you?
Him: Rrrurggh…
Me: Okay, so – here we are. Line yourselves up, get yourselves all
prepared and ready and press ‘play’-
Him: That’s all of you out there. All
of you.
Me: Yeah, ‘all of you’. And press ‘play’…
Him: Or else.
Us: Now.
It turns out that the
video’s in the wrong place, so the commentingary won’t line up.
Me: And then press ‘pause’. Wait a second. And…
We need to go back to the start.
Him: Oh, do we now?
Me: Yeah, we need to go back to the start. Sorry.
So, thank you for listening and being so patient. Right.
NOW!
We’re off.
Me: Ok.
The Him sings along
with the Greatest Theme Tune in the History of Ever. It’s a tradition or an old
charter or something.
Me: The chances are that this isn’t going to get
uploaded as an actual commentingary because I’m just doing a bit of an
experiment…
Him: Woo-hooooo.
Me: By annotating what we… Uh…
Him: Uhhhh-hoooooo.
Me: We… urm… watch. Um…
Me: Just to save me writing it. ‘Cause we’re onto ones now, that I really-
Him: Web/Of/Feeeear
Me: We’re onto ones that I really wanna
watch- Here we go!
Stuff
Me: Right…
That’s…
Us: Movement!
Him: Walking yeti!
Me: Whoah!
Him: Wookie!
Scream
Me: Whoah!
Frazer Hines: …drags Travers…
Him: “And eats him. In a sandwich.”
 |
Ping ping
ping/Doctor
|
Him: ‘Chorley’?
Me: The journalist. Keep up.
Him: Choooorley.
I don’t want to like the name ‘Chorley’. I was listening.
Staff cautious of Lethbridge-Stewart
Me: He’s brilliant isn’t he? Straight off and he’s really good. All
the acting in this is good though. (hmmm)
Doctor and Lethbridge-Stewart
Him: What’s with the [plastic bags]?
Me: Ha!
They’re annoying the Subway authorities.
Him: What, the Wookies?
Me: No, they thought they’d filmed there, didn’t
they?
I’m very proud of that
sentence – it’s about as vague as it’s possible to get without something
dropping off.
Him: Oh yeah.
Stuff
Me: “Despite being told not to.”
Him: Wookie/In distress
Won’t you answer/Its
SOS
Wookie/In distress
Bring it back now/We
won’t take less
Where’s that Wookie?
Over there!
Jamie stuff?
Me: Ha!
Him: Might be.
Me: Different year. Different era.
Him: “Quickly!
Clean the camera!” “No, we can
use this!”
Me: Ha! I
think that’s supposed to look like that.
Whirr
Me: johnnyfanboy’s brilliant – he’s done a really
good job with this.
Him: The screen’s all flashing though. He should’ve fixed that.
Me: He made it flash.
Pause.
Me: Doooh!
It’s a joke.
Him: Tch.
Benton?
Him: Wouldn’t it be funny if it didn’t pick
anything up on this and it all sounded –
[muffled noise, like a panda in a sack]
Me: No, because then we’d have to watch it
again. And comment.
Him:
[muffled panda]
Stuff
Him: Why’s ‘colonel’ spelt ‘col-o-nel’?
Me: It just is.
I’ll find out.
Stuff (doors)
Him: “A particularly nasty cold.”
Stuff
Us: Movement!
Stuff
Him: It’s a book.
Me: Hang on.
Is that Travers? Oh no.
Laboratory
Him: Keep up.
In a chair/Get her up
Him: “My beautiful father!”
Jamie and Victoria
The Him’s suddenly in
fits.
Me: What?
Him: I’m just remembering the point in the Doctor in Distress song where you’ve got
the person just – NO! NO! NO!
NO! NO! NO!
NO! NONONAAAAAAAA!!
Me: Oh, right.
I thought you meant the “hoping a yeti wouldn’t shoot her” bit.
Doc and Jamie
?: What the devil was he doing in the tunnels in
the first place?
Me: “Escaping.”
You can’t blame him really.
Evans
Me: Oo.
Him: What?
Me: He didn’t remember. That’s twice now. They’re sort of hinting that
Lethbridge-Stewart’s a traitor.
Him: Oo.
Lights representing oxford circus/Moving fungus
Me: Can’t be good.
Progress
Me: They’re really in trouble then, aren’t they?
Him: [robot
panda noises]
Brig Someone here/Travers?
Me: Nice shot.
This intelligence
Me: “It’s Cthulhu”.
Him: “At the Mountains of Madness, Tibet.”
I wish I knew.
Have a craft – time and space/Covent Garden/It ends
Me: Oop.
Seeing as there’s a
gap, the Him decides to fill in the dead air for you as I struggle to start the
next video off and running.
 |
Him: Floom floom floom floom floom floom floomy
floom floom
|
Me: I didn’t say anything about it then but… It’s really strange… Last night we watched Silence in the Library again-
Him: And Forest
of the Dead and Midnight.
Me: Yeah, but I was thinking about Silence in the Library because it gives
us more of… There’s a different look
now… We watch it as a different
programme because we’ve got all the history of River Song that we didn’t have
when we watched it the first time. Every
time we’ve watched it since-
Him: Forest of the
Dead as well.
Me: I’m including that. There’s a different way of watching the story
now because it means different things.
Him: So, is that going to happen with this story?
Me: It is.
This is the Brigadier.
Him: That’s true.
Me: I keep forgetting. This is the first Brigadier story. At the moment they’re still setting him up.
Him: He’s still the Colonel.
Me: Well, yeah.
It’s not until The Invasion
that we get: “Brigadier
actually. I’ve gone up in the world.”
Him: Mwah.
Me: He doesn’t
give the Doctor a kiss!
Him: Ha!
“Kissed by a Lethbridge-Stewart…”
Me: “…that’s a first. Thank God.”
Hilarity ensues. You’ll have to imagine.
Me: “Wonderful fellows. Mwah.
All of you. Mwah.” No. I
don’t think that would ever have worked.
Him: “Chap with wings there. Five rounds rapid. Mwah.”
Me: “Well done, Jenkins.” Anyway.
Moving swiftly on. Or not. So, we watch The Web of Fear now with a totally different- He’s being set up to be a bad guy as
misdirection, but we know he can’t be
the bad guy because he isn’t.
Him: He’s the Brig.
Me: Yeah.
He’s the Brig and so he can’t be the bad guy. Anyway.
Here we go.
Him: It might be his Zygon clone.
Me: Well, the Great Intelligence takes people
over, doesn’t it – so it could be that.
Him: Does it?
Me: Yeah.
Him: When does it do that?
Me: In the last story that it was in.
Him: What did it do then?
Me: It took people over.
Him: Who?
Me: You just want me to say ‘Padmasambhava’, don’t
you?
Him: I want you to say what?
Me: ‘Padmasambhava’.
Him: That’s not a word!
Me: It’s not been that long since we watched The Abominable Snowmen. You can’t have forgotten about
Padmasambhava. I notice you’re not
trying to say it.
Him: Padmasambhavla.
Me: Near enough.
Press ‘play’…
Us: Now.
Stuff
Me: Oh, Jamie!
Stories/Don’t believe
Me: “It’s a load of sensorite. Steamin’ pile of sensorite.”
Him: We don’t do that joke anymore.
Me: Oh yeah.
Stuff
Him: What’s that button do?
Me: That’s really good on a commentingary.
Him: Ha!
Doctor might be leading/Sting
Him: That’s what that button does! That’s really interesting.
Father taken/Anne
Him: “He was so old.”
Me: “That desk.”
Him: Ha!
Success
Me: “No, that
desk.”
Take it easy
Me: Nice.
A and j
Him: Jamie’s got a turtle climbing up his kilt.
The Doctor …this seems to be in order, Anne
Me: ‘Alderaan’?
Well… It’s not there anymore is
it? Got blown up.
Him: Where was it?
Me: By the Death Star. Briefly.
Then all over the place.
Him: What’s the Death Star? Is that the thing the Racnoss were riding in?
Long pause.
Evans
Me: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry. I just came in ‘ere to be stereotypical. I ‘opes you don’ mind. Fancy a leek?”
Him: Ha!
Stuff/nothing to do with me
Him: “Who will buy my lovely daffodils?”
Stuff/Thing
Me: “I was going to carve it into a
lovespoon. I didn’t think anyone would
mind but it’s a Yeti.”
Evans business
Me: “I really want to be back in Llanfairfach.”
Suspicion
Him: Why did he moo like a cow?
Me: That’s the classic Welsh noise. He was going to say “diolch”, but instead
opted for a moo. It means, “I’m off.”
Him: I’ve never heard anyone Welsh go “Mooooooooo
ooo hoo hoo,” before.
Me: You just did it there.
Him: Apart from then. It’d be really scary if you were talking to
someone and they just burst out with “Mooooooooo ooo hoo hoo!”
Looking for a police box/The Doctor prepares
Him: Whoah!
What’s that?
Me: They’re the gloves he uses behind the shield.
Colonel on the way
Him: “Victoria,
will you stop telling people about the TARDIS?”
Someone says something
Me: “’TARDIS’, Doctor? What’s that?”
Him: “Well, you see, it’s the time and space
machine-“
Me: “Victoria! Shut up!”
Him: Ha!
Evans/Come on
Him: Ha!
Me: Nice shot.
Stuff
Me: I’m really resisting mentioning my Covent Garden anecdote.
I’m being good.
Him: What’s a ‘Covent Garden’?
Me: It’s a place in London’s
London. It’s got a club in the middle of it called
The Rock Garden.
Him: Really?
Me: Yeah.
Him: And what were you resisting mentioning about
it?
Me: A lot.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter.
Control box/Stuff
Him: By ‘gear’ does he mean, like street terms?
Me: No, just gear. Fab.
Is that an overlay of the web?
Him: No, they just haven’t cleaned the
camera. I keep telling you.
Stuff
Me: “I’ll teach you to play a barely-disguised
racist caricature, my lad.”
Him: ‘Racist’?
Me: Of course not, but imagine the fuss on the
forums if he’d been Scottish.
Screams
Me: Whoah.
Bit of movement there. Evans is
alright.
Stuff/Lane’s dead
Him: Uuurgh.
Me: Blimey.
EPISODE FIVE
We recap…
Yeti arrive with Travers
Great Intelligence speaks/Recap/Time and space observed/Pretty creepy to
be fair.
Grabs Victoria/Jamie follows – but not for long
Him: Ha!
“Ah’m nae gaunnae!”
Evans/His accent’s calmed
Me: The Watkins saunter.
Him: It’s not the same actor.
Me: No, it’s Debbie’s dad.
Him: What?
Me: They’re father and daughter.
Him: Who are?
Me: Never mind.
Anyway. Going south…
Lethbridge-Stewart follows – Evans is left behind/Doctor and Anna
Me: He’s making it up.
Him: “Yes, and the veeblefritzer needs reversing.”
Jamie and Lethbridge-Stewart/Fungus
Lethbridge-Stewart: Run!
Door opens and the fungus comes through/Doctor bangs a desk/Sphere
leaves/Jamie and Lethbridge-Stewart confrontation
Me: Ace.
Doctor and sphere/Evans
Me: “For Evans’ sake.”
Him: Aaaaargh!
Me: You’re welcome.
Evans/Cowardice/Piccadilly Circus
Travers and Victoria/Great Intelligence
Him: Is that not the Cancer Research picture?
Me: I’m not sure.
Travers released
Me: Movement!
Doctor and Ann/Sphere/12 minutes/Jamie and/Tunnels/Hanky
Me: “And there’s blood on it!”
Travers and Victoria/Stuff arrives/Stuff leaves
Evans/Ping ping ping/Legs out of the way/Doctor and Ann
 |
Evans: …better aim…
|
Me: Ha!
Him: That doesn’t look…
Me: It doesn’t.
Him: It looks drawn on.
Me: It does.
Evans: I may be stupid…
Me: Ha!
Stuff/Yeti/Lethbridge-Stewart, Jamie confront Evans/stuff
Doctor and Anne/yeti/trapped/controls/box/freezes
Doc: worried
Me: “Benton!”
Removes control sphere/It works/Arm down/Follows them/Evans and
Staff/Evans/Wall explodes/Fungus
Him: Uuuuurgh…3
EPISODE SIX
We recap.
Splurt
Him: Uuuuurgh.
They run/Warn/HQ
Evans/Coward/Doctor stops/Suspects/Double-bluff/Ninety seconds/Switch
off/Jamie and Lethbridge-Stewart/Tell you another time/Fungus/HQ/Joined by two
more
Doctor and the rest/Arnold/Fungus among us/Yeti – charge
Evans running/Hides/Yeti passes/Another one
Me: Oop.
Evans carried off/Doctor marked/Arnold’ll
run/Staff runs/T and Vic ticket office/Pyramids
Me: Whoah...
Machine/Someone runs/Voice
Him: “Yessssssssssssssss.”
Me: “SSSSSSILENCE. WILL.
FALL.”6
Him: “SSSSSSILENCE. WILL.
FALL.”
Stuff
Me: “Do
blame yourself, Professor.”
Recorder/Doctor and Jamie/Colonel/Chorley/Cowering/Stuff/Chorley found
the machine
Pause.
Me: Who’s the traitor then?
Him: It’s a surprise.
Me: Who do you think it is?
Him: It’s a surprise.
Me: Would you like a Werewolf Break to recap?
Him: That’s
a surprise too.
Doc and Ann and a platform/Control box/Yeti and Evans
Me: “Good Evans, no.”
Him: Stop it.
Doctor –
don’t resist.
Me: “It’s useless.”
Roar
Me: Movement!
Empty platform/Jamie/Escort/Doctor to ticket office/Helmet/Doctor jams
yeti/Ann and the rest join up
Me: Odd shot.
Fade – Jamie and tunnel/Yeti appears
“Raise arm”
Me: It can’t understand his accent.
Him: Ha!
Like Siri.
Me: Yup.
“Calling Work Mobile.”
Doctor and Great Intelligence/Chorley – nope/Staff
Me: So - did you guess?
Him: Non-committal noise.
Jamie/Yeti grabs Jamie/Release the boy/Into the pyramid.
Chair/Adjustments/Anxious?
 |
Doctor: ...get it over and done with...
|
Me: Like that messy business on Telos.
Jamie/Yeti attack
Doctor saved/He fights/KA BlOOey/Yeti collapse
Me: “…like Menoptra…”
Evans
The Doctor: Blithering Welsh imbecile!
Me: OI!
Doctor reveals
Me: So… It could come back…
Arnold – blackened
Him: Uuurgh.
Hero/Doc and chums leave/l-s/evans/ ann
Him: “Dracula.
So, he was the Great
Intelligence all along.”
Pause.
Him: Movement!
Victoria:
All these tunnels look the same...
Me: Hooray!
Credits.
Me: Wow.
Thoughts?
Him: Barney Kell.
Me: Eh?
Him: Go back.
Editor
Him: There.
Me: Ha!
And then…/Trailer/TARDIS lands/Pipeline
Him: It’s Fury
the Deep!8
Me: It is.
At last.
?: who are-
Me: Sounds very similar to the start of The Pescatons to me. Anyway.
The Web of Fear: thoughts?
Him: Erm…
It was very – had some Yetis.
Very webby. And quite frightening.
Me: Can’t say fairer than that.
 |
Next:
The Colony of Devils
(or whatever the working title was) |
0. If you’re expecting this to be a snippy comment on the way
in which BBC (“licence-fee payers already enjoyed the chance to watch
the programmes in the late 60s”) Worldwide have taken to issuing DVDs then
shame on you. Shame.
That’s over here.
1. I’m
afraid you’ll have to wait another five stories for her surname to become a
running joke.
2. Turns out it’s greed.
3. The
rest of the commentingary for this episode should be in an mp3 format somewhere
quite close – providing I’ve managed to glue it back together…4
4. It’s on the Travers Tales set – along with some other bonuses, including our
take on Downtime.5
6. I’ve
changed my mind about this now. I reckon
it’s Morbius. Or Omega. Or possibly Sutekh. Shhh.
Don’t tell the Him.7
7. I don’t
care what was said in The Time of the
Doctor. As a wise man once said, “I
don’t know why you gotta be so undemanding… I want more.”5
8.
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